Does being friends work?

[drifter]

I am debating on being friends with the ex-wife. She left just over two months ago. She lost her belief in me to hold a job and create a stable environment. She had reason to but she never let me know until it was to late. We have had very little contact since then. The whole deal was very amicable. I told her she didn't deserve to be my friend since she gave up so easy on the marriage. She wants to be friends to see if I have changed. I don't feel I should have to prove myself. We are married and as a married couple I feel you should work out your problems not move out. I have done amazing changes in the past 2-3 months. I have delt with issues that would not let me hold a job and many other things as well. I did these things for myself. Last time I saw her she didn't totaly believe all the changes were true. Should I be friends with her and show her over time that the changes are real or should I maintain NC and hold out. I don't want pride to get in my way of my wife but I don't want to sell myself short either.

[Langeveldt]

My ex girlfriend wants to be friends... But I think it is impossible to be friends with someone you are emotionally or physically attatched to...

 

my thinking is that one day she was madly in love with me... Now she wants "friendship".. it seems like a very poor consolation prize or silver medal to me.. To be honest the pain will be less in the long run if I try and move on...

 

Each circumstance is different, this is just my two cents.. Anyway I wish you luck in whatever you do.. And keep us posted!

[sisterlynch]

It is difficult to see exactly what you want in the future. You have spoken about the changes that you are undergoing and you want to go forward after a break up, but some amicable break ups do end in a reunion between the two in the couple, that is proven over and over.

 

 

I have a sense that you have taken little responsibility for the pain that you have caused her and instead are working on surface issues, which is good for the time being, but to get over a break up you are going to need more answers and less questions.

 

Do some searching to figure out what you are able to accomplish in life with out her as your "guide." You never really mention the "real" reason that she is willing to go it on her own, which is more difficult for women than it is for men. This is my opinion.

 

In general women want to have a stable relationship, and men want a challenge in a relationship. She handed you that by leaving you on the doorstep. Now you need to prove that you can be a real man and not just a boy in man's clothing, once again -- this is only my opinion.

 

In addition to just having a job for a few months in a row, you need to kick all the bad habbits that you have that make her uneasy. This is hard to accomplish in one to three months. So keep on working, you need to show up as often as you can. I am not stating that you must go back to her or any woman at all. You need to look inside you to uncover your own needs and ambitions.

 

Men and women are basically the same in some ways and bascially different in some ways. Not everone is like everyone else. You need to forget the past and live for each day. Then you can work on the future.

[Hopingpraying]

Drifter,

 

I definitely think you can be friends with an EX. In my case I must be "friendly" to my EX because of our daughter. There is a tension between us still, but I think that will go away in time.

As for your situation if you want her back you are going to need to swallow some of that pride and see things from her point of view. By you telling her she gave up so easy on the marriage your are just invalidating her feelings and pushing her further away. So if you want her back your going to have to be sympathetic and see things from her side.

If you don't want to get back with her because she left the relationship so easy, then continue improving yourself and be the man you should of been. The next woman that gets you will have a heck of a catch and you won't have to worry about this happening again.

 

Good luck!!