trapped feelings

[no6]

I am seriously considering divorce and have taken steps already but am not sure it is the right thing to do.

 

Ever since my wife moved in with me back in August, I have had these hellish trapped feelings and am in a constant panic as if my life has just had the rug pulled from beneath it. Eating, sleeping and concentrating on everyday things has become impossible. Is this normal, and if so how on earth can you overcome it. Counselling has been tried but without much success. I have spoken to my wife about it, who incidentally loves me dearly, and she has been sympathetic but really wants a resolution now.

 

Maybe it is mid-life crisis (42), perhaps love is not really there (no chemistry on my part presently!), or even that I am not meant to be married. A life on my own sounds frightening and I wouldn't want to be labelled an outcast, but life with her is just as difficult. I just don't know what to do, please help.

[BreArna]

What do u mean.. moved back in with you ? Why wasnt she living with you in the first place ?

Whats her feelings on all this ?

[no6]

Sorry, should have read as "ever since my wife moved in with me in August". She lived far away and moved in after we got married. Her view is that if I am constantly in a panic, then there cannot be a fruitful and enjoyable relationship. However, if I can improve then ok.

[BreArna]

was there ever any chemistry between yous ?

[amaranth_04]

Hi no6,

 

What did your counsellor say about your current state of mind... it sounds like an anxiety attack to me, or could even be a panic attack. Have you tried discussing this with your doctor ? See one first, see if you can get a diagnosis, once you know what it is exactly, then you can start addressing it suitably. Don't make any rash decisions on your marriage til you sort this feeling out first.

[no6]

never been physical chemistry for me, although emotionally we get on really well. You know, same wavelength and share a joke etc. Married in the hope that the physical side of things would not be so important but seems I may have been wrong.

[sweetharmony]

I think you need both physical and emotional for a relationship to work. The physical can grow to some extent, but there has to be some sort of attraction there to begin with. Please break up with her. It's not going to get any better. If you had both, then I would say work on it, it could just mean that you're afraid of commitment or are scared. That tends to happen when you move in with someone. Taking that step is quite scary, even for a woman. I' felt that way after I moved in with my ex.

 

Don't continue to string her along in a relationship that you feel "trapped" in. Dating should not be a prison sentence. It should be enjoyable for the most part. You can get out of the elationship if you want to. So don't feel trapped. You have to won your won feelings.

[BreArna]

sweetharmony they are married! you cant just walk in and outa a marriage, its meant to be forever!

Anyway i think u should try and work on it, do everything possible to make things better, read Dr Phils relationship rescue , anything..Then if after uve done everything possible then and only then should u consider a divorce.

[sweetharmony]

Oh sorry, I guess when i posted I forgot that it was marriage. see how I used the word dating. i was in my own head when i wrote this and I was bringing in my bias opinion about dating. I'm sorry, you see I saw the word, trapped and my emotions started rising. I'm just bitter now, i guess, because my boyfriend and I just broke up today- i broke up with him- something about him hoping that I don't make him "feel trapped" like his last girlfriend I really don't like that word right now. i truly take that back.

 

I definitely think then that you should work on your marriage. Marriage is forever. you did make that commitment and since the emotional is there, it definitley could be worked out. it's probably the reality that's setting in that is causing you to feel this way- the forever part can be really scary. i'm telling you, often times we wonder, what if? but honestly, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. i was in a relationship for four years and I broke up with him b/c I started getting anxious, what if? wanting to see what else is out there, feeling trapped and bored with the every day monotony. but honestly, i regret it to this day.

 

if you love your wife dearly, you should continue to seek prof. help and things hopefully will continue to improve. when you've put so much investment into a relationship like that, it's worth the effort in trying to mend it.

 

again, I'm really sorry. i don't mean to bring my bitterness into this forum when i'm trying to give advice.

[sweetharmony]

Oh sorry, I guess when i posted I forgot that it was marriage. see how I used the word dating. i was in my own head when i wrote this and I was bringing in my bias opinion about dating. I'm sorry, you see I saw the word, trapped and my emotions started rising. I'm just bitter now, i guess, because my boyfriend and I just broke up today- i broke up with him- something about him hoping that I don't make him "feel trapped" like his last girlfriend I really don't like that word right now. i truly take that back.

 

I definitely think then that you should work on your marriage. Marriage is forever. you did make that commitment and since the emotional is there, it definitley could be worked out. it's probably the reality that's setting in that is causing you to feel this way- the forever part can be really scary. i'm telling you, often times we wonder, what if? but honestly, the grass is rarely greener on the other side. i was in a relationship for four years and I broke up with him b/c I started getting anxious, what if? wanting to see what else is out there, feeling trapped and bored with the every day monotony. but honestly, i regret it to this day.

 

if you love your wife dearly, you should continue to seek prof. help and things hopefully will continue to improve. when you've put so much investment into a relationship like that, it's worth the effort in trying to mend it.

 

again, I'm really sorry. i don't mean to bring my bitterness into this forum when i'm trying to give advice.

[BreArna]

Its cool i wasnt trying to attack you, i was just like what!? he is married how can u tell him to leave her, im a strong beleiever that marriege is forever. Anyway all is cool