I guess he was just looking for a hook up? Too soon to tell or obvious?

[agualibre777]

So, like 5 or 6 days ago, I met a guy at a cafe, when he sat next to me. And anyways, we chatted, he left, I was disappointed he didn't suggest anything, but a couple of days later, he was at the same place and this time he asked for my phone number and suggested we get food. Two days later he called me, I forgot about him actually, and asked me what I was up too. I was having friends over for dinner, we finally settled on maybe doing something with our friends after dinner. Well, after dinner, my friends all wanted to go home, so he suggested we get a drink (there was still a friend who might go with us at that time, but she changed her mind at the last minute, and went home). So then, he came over, we talked for a few hours while drinking the left over wine...

 

Then we went for a drink and played fuzzball, went to his house to start a fire. And then, he asked to kiss me. You would think I would have thought that might happen, but I am not accustomed to making out on a first date. He wanted me to stay the night, but I went home. We didn't do any petting or anything, though we were close enough for me to tell he was... well.. aroused. We were out until 4am, he tried to convince me to stay, but I went home.

 

Turns out, I left my wallet out of my house, cause in the process of making out, it fell out of my jacket pocket. We finally worked out a time last night for him to return my wallet, as it didn't work out in the day, he was on his way to a party, I was tired and going to sleep. Anyways, he just gave me a high five as he left, and it was kind of awkward.... So, I don't know if it was because I told him I had mono like three weeks ago, and hadn't told him because I forgot about it and didn't think we were going to make out... he didn't seem to think it was a big deal, and anyways from his stance (didn't sit down), he was in a hurry to leave to his party.

 

So does it sound like he was just after a one night thing? Or what? Anyways, I'm so glad I didn't let it go any further, I would be feeling really stupid and bad right now!!!

[blue_dahlia]

Too soon to tell. Usually a guy will continue to pursue unless he deems it too much work (or he will stop after he gets what he wants, which means he's not that into you). He was on his way to the party when he stopped by to give you your wallet, and he's probably unsure of your position toward him (if you're putting him in the friend zone or not). I think he just wanted to keep it light.

 

It's just too soon to tell, but I do know that if he's interested in seeing you again, he will contact you. He called you before and he would do it again if he likes you.

[agualibre777]

Thank you for your feedback; you may be right, it might be too soon, but I kind of suspect if he moves that quickly on the first night he just was after booty, and he didn't say that he would call or anything...

 

I think it's interesting the logic about guys not being that into a girl... rather than a guy that's just after booty in general, and that there is some girl that would be able to stop the guy from being on the hunt; I think some guys are just on the hunt in general and that is their M.O. and no matter how fabulous, charming, awesome I could be, it wouldn't change that they are not really looking for a relationship. Whereas if it's a woman that stops dating a guy, then she just is looking for a "bad" guy and doesn't like nice guy; It's just fascinating that in our society we always blame the women for stuff.

[blue_dahlia]

I don't doubt that he wanted sex that night you two got together, but you met him in a cafe. It's not like you met him at a bar at midnight and he asked you to come over. At the cafe, he was interested in getting to know you more, which is why he asked for your number and why he called you.

 

On the other hand, it may have been confusing to him because you invited him over to your house at night (on a first date), you went to a bar (first date), and then you went back to his house (first date). Having sex with you was on his mind, but if he's interested in getting to know you more it won't stop him from contacting you again.

 

I do think you sent some mixed messages, so he's probably unsure how he wants to proceed. He may have deemed you too much work, maybe he realized that he no longer wants to pursue (for whatever reason), maybe he's unsure how you feel. We really have no idea, but time always reveals. And I do know that if he's into you, he will contact you again.

[agualibre777]

Yeah, you are right; I think he is probably a bit confused; but I have a lot of guy friends, and I don't feel that being at someone's house means that sex will be involved... and going out to a bar on a friday night around here is pretty typical.

 

But yeah, when I told him that I didn't really expect to make out with him, he looked visibly uncomfortable/confused. He didn't say anything, but his thought may have been "why not?" or "really???!!" because in his mind his plan was to make out when he invited me over to make a fire, and in my mind... I was just having a good time with him and didn't yet want to call it a night.

 

Anyways, I deleted his phone number so that I am not tempted to call him. He can call me if he wants to continue to get to know me.

[blue_dahlia]

So he called you on a Friday to get together on a Friday?

 

Going to a bar on Friday or any other day of the week is typical around here too, and I have mostly guy friends. You're right; being at someone's house doesn't necessarily means sex will be involved, but it depends on the circumstances.

 

If a guy calls a girl on a Friday, goes on a date that same night, goes to her house, goes to the bar, and goes back to his house late at night, the guy is going to think or at least hope that sex would be involved under those circumstances.

 

Anyway, probably a good idea to delete the number. I do that too to prevent me from calling or texting. Have a wonderful day,

 

BD

[BriarRose]

It's hard to say, because I wouldn't have agreed to go out with him on the night he called - especially since I already had dinner plans with friends that night. I would have just told him I had dinner plans with friends that night.

 

But it may be too early to tell. When did you last hear from him?

[agualibre777]

oh it was yesterday.

when we first arranged plans friday night, i did not cancel or change any of my plans, i just went out with him *after* the dinner plans. I don't know, I'm not a strict follower of any rules about when you can accept a date; but agreed that it is not the greatest sign when someone calls to go out the same night, indicating perhaps he just called cause he didn't have something better to do, and that I am low on his priority list.

I think I might have confused him, this is fair to say. he came over last night to bring my wallet back.

he mentioned that night we made out that he had hoped i would find him on facebook, and tried to show me his facebook page (but I have no internet at my house) and so I added him just now. not sure if that was a good idea, but if he is confused about if I like him or am interested, I just wanted to give a bit of encouragement I guess..... I could see if he is not sure what I think... or whatever.

[BriarRose]

Well, since it was only yesterday, just see if he contacts you. I would not contact him, your interest in him (and attraction) was clear. If he is interested, he will contact you. I would not say this is over yet, although it probably did not start out under ideal circumstances.

[addictedblue]

I think that if he was really interested he would have made plans when he brought you your wallet yesterday. BUT, he did ask you to find him on facebook which opens up more ways to communicate so maybe he isn't a lost cause. Just wait and see, and let us know if he asks you out again! I'm curious. I think he expected you to be a little easy because you saw him the very night he asked and went back to his place and hung out til 4 am AND he wanted you to say. No offense or anything but he probably figured "yay I'm getting laid tonight" and got confused when you expressed that you didn't even want to kiss. So either he's given up on you because he WAS just looking for booty, or he's going to take you on as a challenge, or he likes you. Let us know!

[veda999]

exactly right. it's up to a woman to stop men from philandering, because they haven't found the right one. But when a woman stops dating a man, the man has no responsibility to change the woman and she is branded as fickle or attracted to bad guys and therefore she is flawed. You are right, woman bear this burden and I fear they always will. I also agree that some men cannot be swayed and will never want a relationship even if they met the holy grail of women.

[agualibre777]

I'm slightly apprehensive cause the FB comment... was before I decided to go home... and may have changed his mind since then, but it was kind of a cute comment though, so... at least he made it clear he would have been flattered by me finding him on FB and not creeped out. We'll see what happens, I guess.

[agualibre777]

So... he texted me yesterday and we both were going to study, so we went to study at the cafe where we met; when we left, he asked me if he could come over to my house, and I told him that he could, but I wasn't going to have sex with him tonight. We talked about it a bit, I told him I am attracted to him, that wasn't the issue.

He came over, we chatted, laughed, listened to music, and made out again. It was HOT. But he was very respectful and did not try to push anything or make it go further. I'm quite sure it was hard for him, because honestly, it was really really hard for me! I wanted to have sex with him pretty badly, so badly that after he left, I couldn't sleep. lol. But he said he appreciated that I said that about not having sex and thought it would be a good idea for us to talk about what we want to do before we do anything... and I didn't really say much, it would have been a great chance for me to say that I want to be in a relationship before I have sex, but for whatever reason I couldn't say it.

 

He left after a lot of great making out and we didn't make plans specifically but both mentioned certain things we'd do in the future, so it was clear we were planning to see each other again.

 

He is a med student so... I know he is going to be pretty busy during the week.

 

And did I mention he is so hot?? The chemistry is so strong, it makes my head spin.

 

I know at this point I really need to have a conversation about just what he is looking for... not an exclusivity conversation, too soon for that....... but a conversation to just clarify what we both want.

 

I had an interesting convo with a guy friend of mine that said this guy seems pretty honest, he isn't playing games- like the bait and switch.

[addictedblue]

Looks good...but I'd definitely have the conversation about what you guys want. If a guy thinks he can have sex with you without being in a relationship, a lot of times he'll put in sooooo much effort and it makes you like him and so you sleep with him without being exclusive and then he's like yay, done. I mean not always, obviously, but I've experienced that. If it's a relationship you're looking for, make sure he knows that.