Do I really "Love" her?

[Ryan]

Alright here we go.....I have been dating this girl for a while and everything is going great. At the beginning of our relationship she was very distant, while I was very close to her. That made me very skeptical about our future together. She also flirts a lot and I have asked her to stop many times and she says that she will but she never tries. She has a very notorious past which include drugs, alcohol, and lets say lots of experience. When were together we always have a lot of fun and enjoy being with each other, but recently i have just been thinking of all those negative things and it seems to me that those outweight the positives. I just think its hard for me to get close to her because I know that she didnt like me as much as I liked her at the beginning of the relationship, which makes me wonder if she even likes me as much now. Lately when im with her I can't stop thinking about all the things she has done in her past and feel like I can't trust her or that I am losing respect for her. I have always had a lot of respect for her and never cursed around her or treated people badly, while she is the opposite and makes me feel like she doesn't have the same amount of respect for me, but mabye thats just how I am. Even though I am evaluating our relationship which insn't good I still treat her the best I can and will always have a place for her in my heart no matter what happens. When She says I "love" you I repeat her but I dont know if I mean it or not. I would just like to know how I can tell if I truly love her enough to forget her past and create a future with her.

 

thanks, Ryan

[BreArna]

Try to imagine ur life without her.. think of how u would feel if she up and left ?? Try and imagine that and how u would feel.. like really think about it, and the way u feel should tell u either way how u truly feel about her

[Eh Im Canadian]

I have some little list, that is what is acceptable as love today. At least since most people don't really love one another, they just kind of like each other. Here is the list that I found.

 

You know your partner very well:

 

You are good friends:

 

You trust each other:

 

You are both interested in giving as well as receiving:

 

You have time for others, such as family and friends:

 

 

 

It is kind of a dorky list, but it has some good ideas, and it is heading in the right direction. Good Luck

[fusionoflove]

Every relationship starts different from the last one. Everyone goes in with preconceived ideas of what they want and what they're looking for. Maybe she seems distant to you because of it. I've had relationships that we hit it off immediatley and others where it just progressed over time. No matter how it starts every relationship takes work and an open line of communication.

 

From the sound of it, it seems she does care about you. It's never easy to say I love you. The fact she does says a lot and the fact she's with you says a lot as well.

 

Don't look at the past, don't look at the future, look at the present. Check out the movie I mentioned, Chasing Amy. I think you'll really dig it.

[pip]

Firstly, don't worry too much about the word "love'. There is no real, concrete definition of "love", and there's no way of telling exactly when you're in "love". It means different things to different people, so you can't compare it with other relationships. Instead ask yourself, 'do I have strong enough feelings to commit to her?'.

 

Try and ask yourself whether she is even fulfilling your needs anymore. Sometimes problems with trust (or other things like jealousy, etc) become noticeable when you just aren't having a good time with the other person. If you have an amazing time with someone and they're really fulfilling your emotional needs, you're more likely to trust them, not feel jealous, etc etc. In my experience, anxiety about trust starts to creep in when the relationship is failing.

 

It doesn't mean you should end it - bad relationships *can* be improved. I'm just saying, try to work out the underlying cause of your feelings of distrust, etc. Then sit down with her, tell her exactly how you feel, and see if things can be improved. Then take it from there.