Really Confused

[ReallyConfused]

Hello. I just want to explain my problem. I am a 15 year old male. In my old school and outside of my new school, I was attracted to a couple of girls, not mentioning the millions of girls online. I applied to three high schools, leaving a private all male high school as my third choice. Well, I'm not accepted to my first two selections and I end up going to an all male school. In my old school, my friends would make fun of this high school calling it a "gay school." I never actually went out with a girl because I'm sort of the nervous shy type.

My problems began when I entered this school. After thinking of what my old friends said, I just humorously thought to myself "wouldn't it be funny if I'm gay?" Ever since, it became serious because I couldn't get the thought out of my head! I blush at male teachers, hoping that I'm blushing because of the embarrasment of the thought. However, I don't feel sexually aroused when I look at men, I just blush. Girls, however, I do get sexual feelings for and I do find very attractive. This has been going on in my head for a little less than two years now. I've always fantasized about going out with a girl but when I think about that the "devil" in the other side of my head makes me picture myself with a man. I feel like sticking a bullet throught my head, (not literally), because I know I like girls and I'm hoping I'm not gay because I do find thinking of men this way disgusting. Even in the summer before the start of sophmore year at this high school, I was attracted to this girl. I was to shy to go speak to her but I knew I liked her. But still, the opposing thought was still there and when I went back to school, there it was again haunting my mind. I'm hoping, because of the nervous kid that I am, that I'm just nervous of being something I'm not. I'm also concerned about this because its happening during my adolesense. Can someone please help me?

[Meow18]

If your attracted to girls in a sexual way & not guys, then you are not gay. I think you are just over worrying yourself about this. Don't think about it too much. Its obvious you are attracted to girls, so that means you aren't gay. You are just confused & over time you will have yourself figured out. Just try not to think about it too much anymore. Whatever happens happens.

[guitargirl]

Dear ReallyConfused,

My guess is that you are not gay. Sometimes if my one of my friends huggs me I get embarrassed or something because I don't want anyone thinking I am lesbian, because that is something I am not. You are probably just a little self conscious, and the fact that you have not yet gone out with a girl doesn't do anything to help that. I would suggest just being yourself and seeing what happens. You may want to try going out with a girl that you knew at your old school. Just see if you are comforatable with this and then imagine if that girl had been a guy. Please send me a message and tell me what you think!

Truly,

*Hannah*

[TheSoulMan22]

You're not a homosexual. You're not even bisexual. Don't worry about it.

 

What you're talking about, though, the blushing and extreme anxiety, are symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder and or social anxiety disorder, which you may want to get checked out. I know it seems like a random diagnosis, but there's a good chance that's what it is. You might just want to confide in someone about your nervousness. I'd go talk to your school counsellor. If you don't feel comfortable talking to a school counsellor about it, look in the yellow pages for local counselling services or online for one nearby. Or, talk to your parents. You don't even have to ask them what the problem is, just tell them you want counselling.

 

You're 15, and you're going through adolescence, and it's nerve racking and socially is probably extremely hectic. I'll admit, there's a chance you're "gay" or have done something "gay" in the past, like wear a pink t-shirt, have a watch on your right hand, enjoy a disco hit, act flamboyant, or blush when you look at another boy... which you have.

 

Are you a homosexual, though?

No.

 

Society thinking that you're sexually attracted to the same sex doesn't make you sexually attracted to the same sex. You have to be a homosexual to be one. Don't worry about it. You're a heterosexual, woman-loving, straight guy who goes to a male school.

[ReallyConfused]

Thanks so much for help. I've always new this stuff going on in my head had to be some sort of disease or disorder. Now I know and I am almost 100% positive I have this disorder. Do you know of any sites were I can receive online help? I really want to try and handle this myself and not break it to my parents. Thanks so much for helping me realize my problem!

[Meow18]

I found this site & you might find it really helpful..

 

link removed

[ReallyConfused]

I've been building up my confidence to tell my school councellor about me problem because from what I've been reading about OCD, it seems impossible to handle this disorder myself. Do you think a school councellor would tell my parents? Do you think he would be allowed to tell me parents?

[Meow18]

I really think you should get some help with this one. Is there a reason you don't want to tell your parents? I think for now you should talk to a counsler, don't be embarrassed, they are there to help & they won't judge you. From what I know (it may be different for your school), but our school counslers weren't allowed to tell parents anything, unless a person was suicidal, or hurt themselves. That could be different for you though. I'm not sure why you don't want to tell your parents about your problem. It helps to have your parents support. Maybe talk to a counsler first & if they think you have a problem, maybe you & the counsler can talk to your parents together about your problem. Thats just my suggestion, but unless you have a really good reason not to tell your parents, I think it would be good for them to know.