WW's Dating Monitor

[WomanWriter]

It's about time I start something in the journal section. I normally post on Healing after Break Ups and Divorces but don't enjoy feeling lectured. I just want to post whatever I want without value judgments because I'm not looking for that. I like when others share their own experiences, but I don't like it when they give me advice about what to do unless I ask specifically. It's my life and I try not to tell people "you should do blah blah blah." Instead I tell them what *I* would do, because I dislike sugarocating things but also don't think it's my business to tell someone what their values should be.

 

With that said, here is my dating journal!

[WomanWriter]

Tonight was weird. B and I have spent the past 4 days together now and it's been...I don't know...at times, really good, and at times, annoying.

 

Thursday was New Years Eve. I had butterflies in my stomach as we sat next to each other at the church party and talked, played games, and shared photos. We were both really into each other, then I met his family and we went out to eat. They bought me a plate of food to share with B and just watched us while we ate it. I was super quiet and felt like I was going to throw up. I just felt very confused. He gave me a long hug and held my hand in the car on the way to Denny's but Denny's was closed. HIS MOM WAS TALKING ABOUT SEX IN THE CAR! OMG. That family is crazy.

 

On Friday, B called and asked when I'd be ready. He walked all the way over to my house because his car was broken and we walked up to Lake C and did 6 miles. It was an intense walk and he is still sore and walking funny with his back bent over, looking like we had sex or something. We talked and talked and talked and talked, but he did most of the talking. We had a lot in common. I noticed he hugged me a little too often, like every other block. People were trying to get by and he was too busy caressing me and making little noises. He gets obsessive when he's rubbing my hands, as if it is a fetish. I used to beg my ex fiance, L, to rub my hands and he seemed less than eager. But for some reason, when B does it, I feel out of control and kinda creeped out. That sucks because I care about him. After hiking, we out to dinner again with his parents. That was OK. He ordered for me when I went to the bathroom. I paid for myself. That was ok. It's just weird. I know he's not my ex, but still...

 

On Saturday, I went to his house to play board games for his mom's goodbye party. It was much more fun than I expected and his dad is a trip. His mom actually gets on my nerves because she is fat, loud, and an extreme slob. Hugging her is kinda gross to be honest. I was glad when she left because then it was just me, B, his sis and her bf, and his dad. We had much more fun. His dad popped us popcorn. He is very sweet. We watched Forrest Gump and cuddled and his sis took a pic of us. I put it on Facebook.

 

Sunday was church. He kept leaving our Bible study class to use the bathroom. That kinda got old because he was missing everything! He looked cute in his sweater and slacks though. I dressed up too and he complimented me. During church, we sat together holding hands and it was very, very spiritual. We prayed together and he was much more composed because we were at church. When he's acting like that, I feel much more attracted to him for some reason. He seems more serious and manly. Yes, that is the truth. Yes, I like serious and manly. He was holding my hand in a mature way and not being overly cutsie. After church, we went out to eat. He offered to pay but he only had 10 dollars which was NOT enough to cover us both because it was a fairly expensive restaurant. I told him I'd get him this time and he can get me next. He seemed to have a problem with that and said we could just split it. I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and we shouldn't be petty.

 

But before that, we had a very nice talk. When he was "in the spirit," he turned me on so much with his maturity and views, etc. But at other times, I was turned off. He wanted to cuddle and rub my back and hair and everything right in front of everyone and I was embarrassed. I told him I didn't like everyone giving us dirty looks and he said he doesn't care if everyone knows how he feels about me. I told him that's not the point. I just want to have good taste and don't think getting all lovey dovey to the extreme is appropriate right outside the restaurant window where people are staring.

 

Then the worst thing happened...his mom was eating there. She called over to me and wanted us to come over there! I WAS SO PISSED! We have spent the last four days with this family and I just wanted to be alone with the guy. We sat with her for hours and she gave B extra food. I have been trying to encourage him to eat better but he polished off several extra helpings of junk. His mom is trying to keep him overweight and that infuriates me. She kept offering us food after I told her that I am trying to lose weight. She thought it was funny when B said we went walking. She kept trying to convince us not to go walking because we were going to after lunch. She said we should come over and help her move. She's such a mooch. She wanted B to go rent her a video because she has no money. I told her we don't have time and have to go back to church.

 

So anyway, I was really peeved. We drove around Mommy for a while, then when we got to the church I told B I was feeling irritable, suffocated, and like my boundaries were violated. He had attempted our first kiss with a chocolate in his mouth while in the car (with his MOM there) and I was NOT having it. I told him I am NOT having our first kiss in front of his mom. Last night we talked about our past relationships and I cried when he tried to kiss me. He held me and was understanding and I felt we connected. So today he tried it again and said he was just trying to reenect Lady and the Tramp because it's my favorite movie. I see how he was trying to be romantic, but no, it wasn't because his MOM WAS IN THE CAR. It was really off-putting.

 

So anyway, we finally relaxed in the church study. That was OK. I got some space and we just sat alone together in the dark and chit chatted. I regained some of my feelings for him once again. Then his ex girlfriend came in and was surprised to find us. B ignored her but I felt weird because I was lying on him. Not really appropriate for a church. Ya I know.

 

We had our nightly fellowship meeting and I shared my Bible with him because he lost his place. But he insisted on flipping through the Bible. Then when I couldn't find my place, I wanted to look on with him but he didn't put it in the middle.

 

It's little things like that that kinda hurt me. I feel like he only wants to make me happy on his own terms but he's kinda inconsiderate. I tried to tell him how I feel like he only wants things on his terms but not on others. He said he thinks he understands, but I don't know if he does. We talked about sex and said he doesn't like oral on him. He only wants to give. I told him that upset me because it's like he has all the control and I'm not comfortable with that. My ex loved blow jobs and I didn't feel comfortable at the time, but I still did it. Now b says blowjobs are disrespectful and he wouldn't want me to do it. Ok, red flag...

Also, he told me his fetishes. I can live with them, but still.

 

I am kinda feeling overcrowded and creeped out. I know I shouldn't, but I do. He was just being honest because he cares for me and trusts me, but for some reason, I just feel like he won't understand if I try to tell him certain things. I am afraid I want to change him. I want him to eat better, take better care of his hygiene (I am shocked...this has never been a problem in past relationships). He sometimes grosses me out with little things that will remain unmentioned. I feel so bad for being grossed out, but can I help it? I care about him as a friend and sometimes I feel attracted to him...especially at church when he's being serious and responsible...but when he's not at church, he's sometimes immature and that's a turn-off. How do I get him to see that without hurting him? He is so fragile. I wouldn't want him to be less giving. But he needs to receieve and let other people do things for him when that is appropriate. It bugs me when people won't let you do things for them. They always have to be the one.