In Retrospect...

[HellFrost666]

I got bored and just went back and read some old PMs from the night I lost my job. It's only been 5 weeks. But reading those PMs was amusing in a strange way. Seeing how devastated I was at the time... Now I wonder why?

 

I look back on my time there and I wonder what the big loss was. It was such a mind numbing job. The pay was great. The benefits were excellent. But there are other places out there that pay just as well and offer equal or better benefits.

 

I made a lot of friends there. And I still hang out with these people. But now that I don't work there anymore I see things differently with them. All these people talk about is work. Their entire lives revolve around their jobs. When I got fired one thing that worried me was that I would be ousted from this group of people, my "work friends." I haven't been ousted, but I've been alienated in my own way. It's not their fault. But when all they talk about is work, I have less and less to contribute to the conversation.

 

There is one person I became friends with while working there who I can hold a conversation with about other things. And ironically... He is now on the chopping block there. He is where I was a few months ago... expecting to be fired any day now for reasons that don't really make sense.

 

I had a phone interview a few days ago for a sort of Business Management job. The interview went really well. I haven't heard anything yet. But that could easily be because of the Holiday.

 

My girlfriend's brother works at a liquor store. He told me he could probably get me a job there. I know enough about alcohol to work there. But the idea of waiting on customers is completely daunting to me. I am a very shy, introverted person and I just don't think I have the personality for it. But, I'll do it if I have to.

 

I am glad my boredom today took me to those PMs. It put things in an interesting perspective for me.

[ScubaDiva]

But the idea of waiting on customers is completely daunting to me. I am a very shy, introverted person and I just don't think I have the personality for it. But, I'll do it if I have to.

 

This is a good reason to do it then - face your fears. You will grow from the experience.

[HellFrost666]

And also... My girlfriend and I have reconnected so much since this happened. There was a distance happening between us, as much as we hated to admit it. I came home tired every day and didn't really put that much effort into my relationship with her. Now I guess I've been subconsciously making it up to her. She isn't upset with me. She doesn't think I did something wrong or anything. But I feel like I owe her something. She's been my rock through a lot of hard time. I am so lucky...

 

And my friends who aren't "work friends" have commented that I seem different since I lost my job. My one friend told me when I was working there I just had a "heaviness" surrounding me. He told me he was getting worried, because he could see I was turning into a "corporate zombie." And he was right, sadly. But that's all over now.

[catfeeder]

Glad to hear that you're looking at this so constructively, HF.

 

It's too easy to sink into a blaming and defensive mindset that 'appears' to make people feel better on the surface, but it's all a bunch of fear and shame boiling underneath like a big cauldron of goo. Sure, most people go to that place for a minor drink or two of boastful brew, but it's what we do with the quiet times alone that are the most productive.

 

During a recession companies don't really need good reasons to cut people, but it's still human beings that are doing the cutting, and they'll often need to prop up some real-or-imagined justification for doing so. It sounds as though you understand this--in fact some posts ago you seemed to grasp this.

 

Especially glad you're enjoying the kind of relief from the pressure that's benefiting your relationship with GF. The up side to considering a liquor store gig is that it's physical work, it's a product you know something about, and customers are there to buy stuff that presumably makes them happy. This combo can make you more inclined to relax and engage some people-skills you didn't know you had. THAT would be a great stretch without much risk, really. It could end up changing at least some of your preconceptions about your limits.

 

My best,

Cat

[HellFrost666]

Glad to hear that you're looking at this so constructively, HF.

 

It's too easy to sink into a blaming and defensive mindset that 'appears' to make people feel better on the surface, but it's all a bunch of fear and shame boiling underneath like a big cauldron of goo. Sure, most people go to that place for a minor drink or two of boastful brew, but it's what we do with the quiet times alone that are the most productive.

 

During a recession companies don't really need good reasons to cut people, but it's still human beings that are doing the cutting, and they'll often need to prop up some real-or-imagined justification for doing so. It sounds as though you understand this--in fact some posts ago you seemed to grasp this.

 

I felt that way to some extent the night I got fired. I was pissed off at my boss, though I didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing it. I was completely professional to him the whole time. Now I realize he probably felt bad. Him and I got along fine and it probably wasn't his decision. The fact that they haven't hired (or made any effort to hire) someone to replace me just solidifies the fact that they were just cutting back. I had the lowest seniority in my department, and so it only makes sense I would be the first to go. I really do just wish they would have fired me sooner though, instead of playing this probation game for four months. I know they probably had to establish a paper trail.

 

But my anger and defensiveness really showed itself when I got home and my roommate went off on me. He told me this was my fault, that I could have fought harder, that my girlfriend is going to get tired of working two jobs while I can't even keep one job, etc. He laid into me, then left. So I didn't even get a chance to fire back at him.

 

glad you're enjoying the kind of relief from the pressure that's benefiting your relationship with GF. The up side to considering a liquor store gig is that it's physical work, it's a product you know something about, and customers are there to buy stuff that presumably makes them happy. This combo can make you more inclined to relax and engage some people-skills you didn't know you had. THAT would be a great stretch without much risk, really. It could end up changing at least some of your preconceptions about your limits.

 

My best,

Cat

 

Her brother said the liquor store is a fun place to work, and it's really laid back. He also said you have to screw up pretty bad to be fired from there. I think that's what I need right now, oddly enough. I can deal with waiting on the public. I just don't talk much... A stranger might think I am being rude, but really I am just being myself. I am definitely not chatty. My fear is that I'll piss off a bunch of customers and get myself in trouble with the owner.

 

Thanks for replying.

[catfeeder]

[...] I just don't talk much... A stranger might think I am being rude, but really I am just being myself. I am definitely not chatty. My fear is that I'll piss off a bunch of customers and get myself in trouble with the owner.

 

Thanks for replying.

 

I can appreciate this. You don't need to encourage small talk, but if you'll adopt some basic customer-service-speak, you won't come off as hostile.

 

My marketing department at work actually researches this stuff. Here are some things that can keep you out of both conversation and trouble:

 

• If you never smile, don't worry--just crinkle your eyes and it wipes a mean look off your face.
   
  
• Don't bark "Next," just say, "What can I get you?" or 'How can I help you?"
   
  
• Don't take off and leave someone wondering if you heard them, just say, "Sure..." or "Let me check..." before you go.
   
  
• The only responses appropriate to "Thank you," are "You're welcome," or "My pleasure," or 'Any time..." Never say, "No problem," as believe it or not, it can make some people want to clock you. (It implies that they should have otherwise believed that they were troubling you...)
  

That's the crash course--it's really all you ever need to say unless you know something about the product you'd like to offer.

 

My best,

Cat

[Dako]

Frosty,

 

If you aren't earning, you may be learning.

 

Don't be put off by the public.

I've been doing customer service after decades of working in relative isolation, and my skills have increased beyond expectations. My job often puts me in tense situations that I usually defuse and resolve. Those skills have carried over to my personal life in many ways. I've come out of my shell late in life. Wish I knew this stuff years ago. I guess I'm too old to be self-conscious.

 

I'm convinced that 5% of people are difficult, the rest are troubled, simply human or even excellent. I've lost my temper but have learned how to walk away and cool off.

[HellFrost666]

Frosty,

 

If you aren't earning, you may be learning.

 

Don't be put off by the public.

I've been doing customer service after decades of working in relative isolation, and my skills have increased beyond expectations. My job often puts me in tense situations that I usually defuse and resolve. Those skills have carried over to my personal life in many ways. I've come out of my shell late in life. Wish I knew this stuff years ago. I guess I'm too old to be self-conscious.

 

I'm convinced that 5% of people are difficult, the rest are troubled, simply human or even excellent. I've lost my temper but have learned how to walk away and cool off.

 

My roommate and my girlfriend both deal with customers where they work. The stories they've told me... But I also know for every mean person they encounter at work they probably waited on ten nice people.

 

And I've said on so many occasions that I hate people. That's really not too far from the truth. I would rather be behind a computer or behind a machine all day where I don't have to talk to anyone.

 

But, after applying for over 30 jobs, if the liquor store is the only place that will hire me I have to take what I can get. I am sure I'll adapt, like you have Dako.

 

Thank you for replying.