WHY BOTHER being a NICE GUY!? is it time to BE A PLAYER ?!

[jebus]

I seriously cannot believe how similiar all our situations are. Ive been coming to this site for about 4 weeks now. Broke up with my gf (ex) about 6 weeks ago and have taken solace by the fact that alot of other ppl go and have gone through the same situation as all of us fellas. It's really difficult to let go and the pain is something i would not wish on my worst enemy. The initial feeling was as if my best friend had just died and i was feeling gut wrenchingly sick! Our relationship was on for 1 and a half years. it was fantastic. basically no fights, lots of love, heaps of laughter and just general great fun. without sounding arrogant, i consider myself to be an honourable gentlemanly type guy and i am certain most of you guys in here fit that bill too. I did and would have done everything for this girl that i most definitely considered "marriage material". Im 22 and shes 19, with me being in 2 previous relationships and her none. The last day i saw her we were extremely happy and everything was just plain fine. Next day she calls telling me that we need to break up. needless to say im thinking "what the *beep*". She felt that we shouldnt be together because she needed to "experience life and other relationships" and in a sense i can understand that. The problem is i dont want to be a consolation prize for her when she finally, if ever, decides that shes had her fun and may want to come back. We talked about a period of around 1 and a half to a two year breakup without talking or seeing one another and then maybe getting back (yesm im sure im living a dream by thinking we'd get back) but like all of u guys with your ex's, i absolutely love and adore this girl and so its so hard to let go of your feelings and emotions for them. She also stated that her father didnt think at this point in our lives that we are suited for one another......i was pretty annoyed when i found that out but kept my mouth shut. I went to a good school, go to a good uni, am doing a decent degree and have prospects for a well payed job when i graduate at the end of this year. My parents are basically well off and im a good hearted guy. Again, im sorry, i dont mean to sound like an arrogant *beep* by saying all this but i just feel that i was a fairly good package or whatever you'd want to call it and hoped she'd be satisfied. I feel that she is just throwing this all away simply because she wants to "have fun". I thought we were having more fun than she could get by breaking up and you know how you can just see it in their eyes when they love you and are enjoying themselves in your company. When they just hold you and squeeze your hand so *beep* tight and bring it up to their lips and kiss them. You just KNOW that they love you! so, WHY THE *beep* do they do this !!! Sorry this is getting *blo0dy long guys.

 

Anyway, i felt that since we had been so emotionally close and had broken up on good terms that i would send her some "goodbye and thankyou" flowers on valentines day with a card explaining how i apprecitaed the times we had and that id be there if she ever needed someone to talk to etc etc! I thought that id send these flowers because i knew she'd feel like crap on this day as her sister and all her friends are in relationships and so maybe she wouldnt feel "unwanted" if id send them. what a bloody mistake and good decision this ended up being! Took me half a day to find a *beep* florist that would deliver to this suburb! I get a call from the florist saying the father said "my daughter doesnt want them!" and told the courier to *beep* off! again, im like what the *beep* !!! what did i honeslty do to deserve *beep* like this ! fine she wants her space but i believed this was a chivalrous decent thing to do for a girl you had spent so much time with and broken up on good terms. And they were GOODBYE AND THANKYOU FLOWERS !!!! i ring her father blah blah he says that i treated her like a "jerk" and that he had nothing to do with the breakup. Well, i know in my heart i never treated her in any shape or form like a "jerk" and ALWAYS respected her. He says it was completely her decision to breakup. I sms her twice a day later and get no response. Im abit annoyed by that and so say "the least you could have done was say thankyou for the flowers". the next day, every single present, cd that i made, little toy, little precious things that i bought her was sent to my front door. i get home from uni and i see all that stuff at the front and i swear my legs are literally shaking. i can not explain the emotions that were going through my mind. WHY would someone do something like that to you! My worst enemy wouldnt do something as conceited and cruel as that. I was struggling for reasons as to why!! i could only come up with that she wanted to erase all memories of me from her mind! It was as if it was a completely different girl and i was just wishing something would change in the world so that the girl i knew and loved would just "wake up" ! through a third party we communicate because i was sooo *beep* hurt by her that i didnt want to speak one on one. the third party says the reason she sent the stuff back was because she didnt want gifts as a way to fix problems....the only problem with that is that only ONE of the presents and little items was given to her to smooth a ruff patch we had AGES ago! why send back cd's that i made for her that symbolically ment something from the songs i put on! Why send back birthdays presents! why send back christmans presents !! i honestly felt that she was either a completely immature brat at this stage or just lost all her *beep* senses! sorry im abit cheesed off as u can tell by the way im writing this!

ok calm..... so we havent talked or communicated since. And i feel that this girl that i honestly thought had a heart of gold, was caring, sweet and absolutely gorgeous was THE ONE. and that we molded so darn well togethere as a couple it wasnt funny!

Im thinking, if this is the way you get treated and this is what eventually happens when you treat a girl with total respect, dignity, honour, love, attention and all other admirable qualities, then what the hel!l is the point!!

either all women are bloody EVIL or i should stop being such a *beep* nice person and start acting like one of those total scum bags out there! maybe that way ill have them on a string! but i dont want them on a *beep* string! i just want what i feel all you guys want.... a stable,caring, loving relationship!

 

would i ever take this girl back...i dont know

would she ever call after all this....i dont know

whyd she get so heated and send stuff back...i dont know

bloody confused and hurting! and what, its like 3 weeks past valentines!

 

man i could go on!

 

hope we get what we believe us decent guys feel we deserve!

a girl that doesnt *beep* us around emotionally and is honest, open & loving

peace dudes!

[SwingFox]

Hi jebus,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for registering here. I have read your long posting and yes, I have editted the swear words, too. I am sorry to read that you are going through a very difficult time right now and I understand your anger and hurt. I would like to explain to you that even though I understand your hurt, pain and anger, this forum is rated PG and we have minors coming on here that might read your messages. That is the reason for my editting work.

 

From what I read it looks I get the feeling that her parents are behind this. I cannot tell as of why, though, because it's not like that you are dating a minor or into illegal activities. However, do know that I am just speculating here. Another speculation is that she's seeing someone else and has been for a period of time.

 

However my speculations are of no consequence. I would like to suggest you to move on. As far as I am concerned there is no way back to this young woman. At the age of 19 you have responsibilities and what has been done to you is irrepairable, regardless whether this was done by herself or her parents. I don't think you can ever trust her again. Even if this was her parents doing it to you (and then her, as well), she has the age and THUS the responsibility to stand up against them and tell them that she will break up in a 'nice' way, if... at all.

 

I wish you good luck in any decision you make. I hope that time will heal your wounds soon. Don't forget that time WILL heal your wounds.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Gilgamesh]

Wow, big post.

 

My girl did the some of the same things also, I also got the surprise breakup, but unlike her reasons, of being young and wanting to experience life first, my girl was 35 and im 40, and we were talking marriage and children.

 

Anyway, when they break up like that for no real good reason they feel guilty, and that makes them feel bad, the brain has a way of defending itself against this, its starts justifying the actions commited by your current reactions!! its so freaky, you see, my girl was completely depressed and ashamed for what she did to our relationship but soon used my hurt feelings as a tool for her to justify her decision!!!

 

Now she hates me! because unlike your girl that could just tell her dad anything about you she wanted to, I was real close to my girls family, My girls mother even cried when i told her what happened she wasnt able to save face! all our friends found out about it and now she cant make up lies about what happened, you see, Im a Man that should take abuse without any emotion, her plan to just break up with me with clean hands didnt work, so now she resents and hates me. I dont care anymore because i wouldnt want anything to do with this monster anyway. now she is sending back all the gifts I have given her over the years. today was her birthday, I sent her a instant message, "Happy Birthday, this is the day I was going to propose". (truth too).

 

As for her father, you now how protective fathers are, he sees his little angel upset, he asks whats the matter, -do you really think she is going to tell her dad she just broke up with you for no other reason than to be free to sleep with other guys? nope, oh daddy we broke up, what happened? I cant talk about it, oh here comes the flower truck with flowers, why that little jerk hurt my little girl. forgive the melodrama .

 

She just trying to justify her actions, if you keep pushing, she will eventually learn to hate you too, its her best defense.

[stillthere]

jebus ,

 

almost 100% indentical thing happened to me, too... and i agree with swingfox....

 

1. you don't know what she tolled her parents about you good or bad

2. she might be seeing someone else and this guy is telling her to do things like giving you your cd's back etc he is "controling" her mind

 

 

i could feel the same thing with my ex she started to do things she never did and i could see that on her language, too.... i mean i could see that she wasn't using her own words to tell me things about me..

[TearsofaDragon20]

well you quite the things on your mind. but hey thats fine, it's good to talk about it. i was there too as you can see from everyone one else, who hasnt been there? it seems that the father may have a bit to do with it. if he's sending back the flowers and she deosnt tell you at least thank you for it then it may seem she never got the flowers. but who knows we cant anwser that. but see we cant ever explain why woman can go and just "up and leave" with out having to worry about anything else. then to make things worse they show that they really dont care. im sorry but if thats what the good girls do to a good guy then we got alot of things to learn. but not to talk down on women at all because they have been where we are too. i had an ex that left me no longer than a few weeks ago. after 15 and half months. now theres no reason for that at all. you know if you turn the tables around, would it seem that we can do the same thing? see us guys who have respect for women wouldnt dare of ever doing that. but see what give the right to a woman to break our hearts. none. just like if we did it there would be no good reason for it at all. but it looks like she is moving on *which you may not want to hear) but it's at your point in life to do the same. dwelling on this makes it harder each day and it's not worth your time. so just see yourself with some better than her. because if you can refrain from trying to make things right with her than you can prove that the most difficult time in your life you can pull through it. heck you never know she may realize that she made a mistake and by the time she tries to come back and say something to correct the past, then it might be too late for her to do anything. so give it time, thats what you need. everyone needs time. well take care and let us know how you been doing.

[wyldkard]

It all sounds too familiar. there's no straight answer to what's happened i suppose. I tried to figure and reason it out, but it was an endless road that went round in circles. perhaps you did provide everything that she could possibly want... and some times, people feel the need to challenge themselves, to see how far they can go. you did say you were her first serious relationship. perhaps she felt the need to see what else life has to offer, even though she had it all. imagine if you had gotten married, had kids and she realised only then... perhaps it's for the better. perhaps she may come back and you can pick up where you left off, but don't hold your breath. That's the same advice i took. You're in the prime of your life. There are at least 50 million people in the world, odds are half of them are women, and if even 10% were interested, and you reciprocated interest with half of them, that would still mean... 1.25 million potential partners... and if you're a "one-woman" man as you've described, then the odds are in your favour no? Take to the field, but keep in mind that you need time to heal. How long that is, is up to you, but rest assured that it only gets better. With each failure, you're only getting closer to getting it right. See you at the end of the tunnel.

[Alien777]

Sometimes the most difficult things to accept are those that happen suddenly and unexpectedly. I cannot tell you the reasons your g/f broke up with you and you will probably drive yourself crazy trying to think why.

I think the best thing is try to pick yourself up take some time out to heal try to get back in the dating game. Maybe if your ex g/f sees you with someone else she might realize what she has lost...

 

About the her giving all the presents back that you gave her - personally I think that is pathectic. What is she trying to prove? Its not like you want the presents back right? If it is her parents presurrising her to break up with you I also think this is rather strange - is she not old enough to make her own decisions?

 

Last thing is about the topic of your post. I dont think you should currupt your own values of honesty, loyalty, etc to become a 'playa' just because of what one woman has done to you. I'm sure you will agree with me that it makes no sense to change the way you are just because of one person - it is never good to generalise. All I can say is even though you may have thought she was the ONE another ONE will come along who will make you much happier than she did.

Good luck and stay strong

0X

[jebus]

Guys, thanks so much for your replies.....

The answers that youve all given me have been very helpful in getting me through this. Its really uplifting to see these sort of "from the heart" responses" and im very grateful.

Once again, i hope we get what we all feel we deserve !

 

cheers all !

[Ilak2helpdahelpless]

That's about the saddest and longest posting I've ever read.

I know you have to move on and like the others have said, time will heal your wounds.

 

You didn't deserve any of that, and she is really stupid in my opinion to throw it all away. She's something that rhymes with itch, and is a total loser!

 

I just hope that after that awfull experience, you don't think that we are all like her. There's lots of us out there that would kill to have a great guy like you, including me.

 

Peace.