Jumping into relationships

[Leighton]

Ok.. so I was reading an earlier thread on here, and a few people said that if a person jumps into a relationship soon after a break-up, they haven't gotten over you and they still care about you.

 

How does that make any sense? Wouldn't it be that they DON'T care about you, and want to do everything to forget you? My way of thinking is that if you enter a new relationship, it's because you like that new person enough and could care less about your ex. Maybe I'm just young and don't understand it lol.. someone explain?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

It is not so much that they still care about the ex, it is more that they haven't had time to process the break up and make any changes within themself to fix whatever behaviours they may have exhibited during the relationship that were not healthy behaviours. People who rebound are those who are afraid of being alone, need the high of the honeymoon period in order to survive, want to bypass the breakup pain by being distracted with someone else. Most rebounds are not about love at all, they are about neediness, selfishness and inability to cope.

[Leighton]

Ahh ok, that makes complete sense. Thanks.

[shes2smart]

Y'know it depends entirely on the person.

 

There is no set amount of time that has to pass before someone's ready to move on. And people don't necessarily move on by doing the same things.

 

I caught my last ex cheating and broke up with him at the end of june 2001. I first chatted with my husband online 2 months later, and we got married some 54ish weeks after I broke up with the cheater. Been happily married for 7.5 years now. I should note that I went through some intensive therapy after I broke up with the cheater. I already had a well-established relationship with a counselor, so I just went back to her. It wasn't like I was starting from scratch with a new therapist, so we were probably able to get into the heavy stuff quicker.

 

If this is a rebound (and looking at the time that passed between relationships, I suppose some people would call it that), then I hope you all have rebounds like this at some point in your lives.

[soul_soother]

When me and my ex broke up (2 year commit) she started dating someone in like a week or two and was sending me letters/messages saying how much she hated being with him and it made her sick to hold hands and what not. Some people use other relationships directly after as a recovery tool of a break up. Some people just can't stand the idea of being alone or breaking away from their routine.

[gregstir]

Well put, Crazyaboutdogs. Very well put, and I totally agree with you -- rebound relationships are really only about masking the pain of a relationship ending with the high of a new relationship's honeymoon.

 

But, I do have a question -- where does that pain go? You can only mask it for so long, right? Do rebounders just jump from rebound to rebound, once the pain comes to the surface, or do they eventually have to deal with it, or does it eventually just go away amidst all the rebounding?

 

In other words, from a totally selfish perspective, can you really alleviate the pain of a relationship ending through successive rebounding (assuming you didn't care about your victims' feelings at all)?

[redleaves]

Ok.. so I was reading an earlier thread on here, and a few people said that if a person jumps into a relationship soon after a break-up, they haven't gotten over you and they still care about you.

 

How does that make any sense? Wouldn't it be that they DON'T care about you, and want to do everything to forget you? My way of thinking is that if you enter a new relationship, it's because you like that new person enough and could care less about your ex. Maybe I'm just young and don't understand it lol.. someone explain?

 

Personally I can't get into a relationship with someone else if I still love my Ex & can see a future with him. I have to process my feelings alone for a while before I can start something new.

[sandy cheeks]

My stbx was in a relationship two weeks after I moved out. He had been in contact with this woman for the last 5 years of our marriage even though he insisted they were "just friends". She left her husband a month after I left mine.

 

I don't know if that would be considered a rebound, true love, or a drawn out affair. I do know that when they run into problems, he starts contacting me and suggesting we try to work things out.

 

I'm not a shrink, but I think the stbx is one of those people who can't be alone. I don't like being alone much myself, but I know its something I have to do to be a better person, and a better parent to my child.