What do I do now? I desperately need help!

[fmfisdead]

Okay so me and my girlfriend have been broken up about 3 months. We broke up because I had made some mistakes, now 3 months later, she definitely sees that I have changed and I am very different now.

She agrees that if we were toghether she would like it, but its too late. And I asked her why its too late, and she said she doesnt feel like trying, and I ask why, and she honestly doesn't know.

I asked her if there was someone else, and she said theres not, shes not the type of girl to lie, at all, i know she doesnt have someone else, I know she really doesn't know the reason at all. I ask her, are we dont for good, and she always says, thats how i feel now, or i dont know, and she is like, I can't say anything for the future.

Her dad died when she was younger, when i first met her, and she actually did not care. I think she was emotionally numb at the time, but over the years, she is open about it, she sometimes cries about her dads death, I'm wondering if she somehow just found a way to push this away and block it out.

She says she still loves me, and it would suck to move on, and I've changed to everything of her liking, but what is making her still not want to try? And I am positive she is not lying to me. Is it just women are that hard to understand? what should i do? I tried no contact for a while, but it wasn't long enough, and it didn't even seem to do much at all. And plus I am the dumper, who has now learned his mistake. And I've actually changed for the better, not to just get her back, but Just because I realize what I was doing was totally wrong.

Any suggestions or help would be appreciated, I'll listen to anything, im so desperate, thanks so much..

[stillinLA]

I know how you feel. I'm in the same position. But with an extra issue: she found someone to fill her void even before she left me. But she has said that her new boyfriend may not be working out and that she hasn't seen him much. But it's still there in between her and me.

 

However, just last week she just told me that she loves me and still loves me and would like to get back together. But she can't get into a relationship that's the same as it was. And she can't do anything right now because she has a big project due that's stressfull. That makes me worry because anything can change between now and later. She has seen that I have changed, but she is still understandably apprehensive. I have to accept that and try to slowly reassure her and give her time and space. It's painful to wait for the unknown but there's nothing else to do. I can't force her to come back, she has to make the decision herself. Waiting can really hurt, I understand your pain.

 

Anyway, the issue for you is to realize that she cannot be forced to love you again. She needs time to think about it all. And also even if she sees that you have changed, it is still a risk for her. There's nothing you can do but keep changing. That in itsellf is good because it's for you. And you might see life differently with your changes now.

 

She just has to be convinced that you have changed and that you will stay changed and that things won't revert back to how they were. But don't force it. Let her know it politely and softly if you communcate, don't try to convince her too much. Just be happy and positive and be yourself. That's what she wants to see. You will have to give it time. She is another person and you can't force your realities on her. Let her think about it and lightly give her notice that you love her and do care for her. By your actions, she will see that you have changed and she will feel closer and better about coming back.

 

It's all that you can do. I know that in the meantime it hurts to wait. Not knowing is painful. Hang in there.

[just jeff]

So many people here in the same boat... I wish I could offer sound advice, but all I can say is be strong and believe in yourself. Improve yourself and try to be understanding.

 

I am taking and making it one day at a time... today I let my ex know I am letting go... and for me that is one giant step towards recovery. I am still confussed about where she an I stand... but it's up too her now if she wants there to be an us... I am moving along.... good luck and best wishes...

 

Jeff

[fmfisdead]

Hey guys thanks so much for your posts, they always help. She definitely still loves me and all that, and cares about me a lot. She just said something "clicked" in her head and she doesnt want to try to work things out again. I know she wants no one else at all. She honestly doesnt understand this herself, I was thinking maybe she somehow used this as a defense mechanism, and she doesnt know how to turn it off. Its like, in her mind, she totally shut it out. Do you think it could be something like this? If this is it, what should i do? should i totally avoid her, make her miss me? Because i really don't know how this would ever click back or whatever. I really do believe we have a chance to be toghether. It sucks, because if she cant understand herself, then how can I understand why she wants to be apart? I dont know, any help would be greatly appreciated, thank you all so much.

[fmfisdead]

what i mean by it clicking in her head, is she said that as soon as i told her i wanted to break up, instantly she didn't care anymore. Like it pissed her off and something just changed in her head, we had broken up before this, and it never happened before like that. So I don't know what to do.