Friend or foe?

[Something funny]

I'll make it short:

 

My ex who dumped me has approached me a couple of times wanting to be friends, while I've been doing No Contact. She says she's thinking about me and misses me - as a friend. I want to get back with her however. Should I keep up the NC and wait for another reaction, or agree to her proposal of becoming friends? What would put me in a better position?

 

(Details: She ended it 2 months ago, said she needed more space. We were together for 3½ years, I was her first love. I've been doing No Contact for a month ½.)

[gizza]

the friends things will only work if you truly have no feelings for her , if your harbouring a fantasy that this could be a way back it wont work , she will chat about stuff & all you want to do is bring the conversation around to 'do you love' do you want me' etc which will push her away if she doesnt . best to keep the no contact until either you have moved on or go into the friends things fully away that it could hurt all over again .

 

just my opinion , its how i feel in this situation , doing the friends thing because i have to as i see the woman everyday at work , but whatever she talks about i end up saying something like ' we get on so well iam sure there still something there' she says 'no nothings changed for me' & i get more depressed that ive spent ages chatiing just in case !

 

good luck & keep posting it helps me so it might help you

[Something funny]

I guess you're right. I could meet her, see how it feels and then reinitiate No Contact if things don't work exceptionally well.

[shockeddismayed]

I agree....

 

Being a friend is a really tough one.

 

IMO it works best when you are at the point where you could actually start dating other people if you wanted to... ie you've totally healed.

 

If this is the case, it can work great, cuz you aren't pining for her.. you get to see her and enjoy yourself, and if things work out it is a bonus.

 

Basically I said the same thing at one point to my ex. She wanted to be friends, and I wanted to get back together... I said it was unlikely to happen, but that I would hang out with her and would be open to the possibility that it might end up as only friends, as long as she would be open to the possibility that it might end up as more.

 

My attitude was 'If I can't put an untimatum on it being as a couple, then you can't put an untimatum on it being only friends, we both have to be open-minded enough to see what happens".

 

hhahhah that didn't work out too well, so I ended up going with (mostly) NC. She's been contacting me, but at this point nothing is decided.

 

Good luck. If you feel strong enough, go for it... it could work out, but if there is any doubt in your mind whether you are going to be pushing for more, then I'd say wait a bit... you can always ask her to be friends in a month when you've healed a bit more.

[Langeveldt]

People, you may want to have a look at my thread...

 

(No contact, long time after being dumped)