Eye Contact: Differentiating Between Shyness and Disinterest

[A4B4]

How can you tell if someone is disinterested in you or just shy, based on eye contact? If he/she is just shy, will he/she then make eye contact with you at first, then look away?

 

Here's my current situation, hopefully someone can make some sense of this. There's this shy girl at school who I think(for various reasons) may be interested in me. I've caught her looking at me from the corner of her eyes on several occasions. The thing is, though, when I approach her, we first make eye contact, though during the rest of the conversation, she looks away frequently. I'm likewise too shy to hold eye contact for a while, even if I really, truly like someone, so she may be just like me, but how can I tell?

 

Thank you all in advance!

[mahlina]

I don't know. It's hard to say. A lot of the times, (this is based on personal experience), some guys will mis-interpret 'niceness' as someone actually liking them. When in fact, they're just being nice, because that's how they are in general: smiley or looking jovial most of the times. (Those are the types that are good with hiding their emotions). I'm like that. I look around my class sometimes. Once, there was this guy in my dance-aerobic class, me just being me, sitting there, I'd smile, and have fun with the moves, etc. I'd look around just for the sake of just observing. Well, this guy must've mis-interpreted it a few times. So, he started talking to me. Then I'm being me, and responding to him nicely: eye contacts here and there, but I guess (I didn't know), but it fed onto his thinking that I liked him. Now, I've shared a conversation with a friend, on: guys, on girls liking them, and one of my buddies told me, "Some guys will mis-interpret niceness for actually liking someone." I told him, that's true. Maybe next time, I should just frown, and give nasty looks! LoL!

 

No, but to answer your question: just because she's looking, it does not mean that she's checking you out. I usually do not check a guy out in class. I bet you anything, she's just observing the class. Perhaps she's just looking at the posters on the wall or something. About the eye-contact part, it depends on when you guys converse. If she's interested in you, her pupils will probably dialate (reaction to her finding you attractive: I.E. Intellegence, or Lookswise). If she talks to you, it does not mean that she likes you either.

 

I think that it was ABC1234, who wrote up on something that his female friend said about men, and it's true. Women will have men, who they consider as friends, and nothing more. I think that's entirely true. That's why, I don't get it when some guys will ask me, does she like me, and my answer is, hang out with her, after hanging out with her for a little while, ask her if she's interested in a relationship. If she says yes, then she's interested. Other than that, she's just dragging the guy along, as someone to just 'hang' with. Actions speak louder than words. I just want to say, especialy because I hear this question a lot, and try to word things nicely, but truly feel like saying: "Don't keep on teasing yourself, she will probably never give you the time of day, as a boyfriend." It's like, why ask me, if you're not willing to accept the answer. There's no point in asking for advice, when a person will not take it. I think that women share a lot of things in common with each other, in terms of being intuitive how we feel about things about things. So, we can sense how the other person feels. I think that men are like that too, they understand how they feel, and can thereforeeee, give helpful advice to the oppossite sex.

 

So, my advice to you, is to talk to her. See how the conversation goes. Check out her body language. If she's truly interested then she'll probably:

A. Smile and laugh a lot.

B. Glance back and forth. (shyness reaction).

C. Look directly into your eyes/get touchy. (assertive reaction).

D. Lean her body towards you in a conversation. (If she's not interested, then subconsiously, I think that her body will lean away, a tad bit.)

 

After making the 'initial' contact, pay attention to how she is the day after, or next week. (Again, try not to misinterpret niceness for actual 'liking.') If she moves to a different seat, further from yours, then she probably doesn't take interest in you. (that's me though). It's kinda tough to tell if a girl likes a guy, but to me, it's a give and take thing. If you guys both appear to have the same amount of interest in your conversation, then chances are, she might like you. *If, she adds very little to the conversation, but smiles, and doesn't say as much, then she's being polite, and probably has no interest* But, in terms of glancing accross the room, and infrequent (or sometimes, frequent eye contact) it is probably nothing. But, this is just me though.

 

Some women like the attention more than others. Some women crave for attention. Verses some women don't, but they unintentionally give off the wrong impression when they don't mean to, by just being 'nice' in general, or glancing here and there (with no intentions). Some women don't like the intrusion, but act polite, because they don't want to be mean. Which then, can be a bad thing as well, because they unknowingly lead the guy on. It's frustrating isn't it? My best advice is to talk to her, be yourself, and see from there. If she's digging you, then you'll see positive results. But if she doesn't, then hey, at least you tried right? No one's loss. The 'chemsitry's just not there.'

 

Nothing bad with trying. It allows you to build more 'confidence.' But, if you're looking for something long-term, then let things flow naturally. Try not to think so much about it, because if it's truly meant to be happen, then it will. It's happened with my ex and I before. You'll never know when you'll run into that special someone. Go with the flow. Hope this Helps!

 

Mahlina

[Santa]

Hmmm, so basically eye contact is very unreliable...?

What about if a girl stares at you accross the class room, and you notice and look back for like 5 seconds or something?

What about if you make ye contact as you walk past, and she continues to maintain eye contact by moving her head?

I read elsewhere that if they look down its shyness - is this wrong too?

[A4B4]

Thank you very much for your response, Mahlina. I'm sorry I didn't thank you earlier, but I've had honestly no free time over the past few days. I've definitely taken your advice to heart, and I realize now, looking at the situation more objectively, that, though there may be a level of intellectual attraction, it has been prodominately misinterpreted niceness.

 

I didn't feel that her eyes dialating worked, for every time I've seen her, her eyes have appeared dialted. (I think they may just be naturally dialted, as I've never seen them otherwise.) But like I said, now that I look at things more objectively, I'm seeing much more clearly now.

 

I've approached her three times, though never at a really opportune moment. Regardless, I think she was just being nice, although we do share a common interest - robotics (which is rare that a girl, especially a really nice girl, would like robotics) Once again, thank you very much! You've really helped me understand not just this situation, but the whole "Attraction" thing in general. A very sincere thank you.

[Apoc220]

A good way to do it is if you catch them looking at you and then they look down then away. Another technique is to look at your watch or rub your arm and then look at them. If you catch them looking at you and then they do what you were doing then its a good sign they got nervous when you looked and instinct kicked in and the next best thing they could think of doing was what they just saw you do. Try it!

[healing]

If you are interested in getting to know her, get to know her.

Eye contact can be incredibly unreliable.

She could be extremely shy, and thereforeeee her eye contact will not reflect her true feelings of attraction at all.

You have a common interest, so go from there.

She might want a new friend, or maybe more...time will tell!

If you are attracted to her, let it show!