I am too shy...What do i do???

[Shyness_overwhelms]

Hi, this girl i saw for the first time in my life just a month ago, and ever sice i layed my eyes on her, i have been wanting more and more to ask her out, but the thing is.... i am way too shy.... she is in grade 11 and i have seen her talk to some people that have prettymuch the same personality as me... i know for a fact that we would be an excellent match. but i am too shy...... how do i make the first move???

 

everytime i see her, she always barely glances at people around me and looks right into my eyes .... even if there are people that are WAY more good looking than me standing right beside me.... what do i do???

[mahlina]

Talk to her. Walk her to class. When you do, make sure that you make eye-contact. Ask her if you can hold her books. Those subtle approaches are what wins the type of girl. She will take notice of your subtleties, and will slowly develop those feelings of attraction for you. I remember this guy who was shy back then as well. He had the most handsome blue eyes. He was so shy, but things just ddin't go anywhere. It's frustrating.

 

Well, anyway, walking her to class isn't such a bad thing. You're not being her puppy. Or, you can walk her to the lunch line or something. Or to the library. If she hangs out at the library during lunch or break-time, open the door and walk her in. Then, let her be, and say, "See ya later." Or, when you walk her to class, you can do the same thing. Whatever it is, show her the little signs. Mention about upcoming events. Then, back away a little. Give her space to like you back.

 

Or, in class, if she makes a point, raise your hand and say, "I agree..." She'll definitely take notice of you and your actions. Also, when you do get a little closer to her, after making the 'initial' contact, joke around. Tease her about something. The little comments will make her laugh. If you tease her a little, she'll definitely like that 'innocent' flirting. Joke around, make fun of each other, and slowly, you'll learns to shed off that 'shyness.' The both of you will.

 

Best of Luck on getting to know her. Check out stuff on conversational tips/flirting. I think that ivillage has some great articles, coming from more of a woman's perspective. Nothing wrong with men's perspective, but at least, you're getting a 'direct' advice coming from the oppossite sex, in which you're trying to get to know. Women who give advice on this subject matter, are more in tuned with their emotions, and can thereforeeee, give you an 'honest' opinion.

 

Mahlina

[Shyness_overwhelms]

thank you... i will look up on the topics.....

 

 

the total main part of my contraversy is the thing that.... i know her from afar... i havnt really met her... how do i break the ice??? cuz the first impression is always the most important....i dont want her to look at me and i have a huge booger hanging or something **not like that would happen but,**

 

you know what i mean....

[mahlina]

Hmm...That's a tough one. Perhaps, you can get your friend to talk to her. Have him say, "My friend thinks that you're cute..." When he says this, stand there and kinda smile. Don't look too eager, but look polite. Then introduce yourself, and say, hi my name is___, what's your name? It's nice to meet you. Then, have your friend back away. The more she takes notice of you, the higher you'll have in chances of winning her attention. Also, you can come up to her friends, and ask them a few things about her. Say, "I think that ___ is sweet. Tell me a little something about her." When a shy guy does this, he's not directly being aggressive, not only does he approach this in a gentle way, but at the same time, builds interest to the post-"initial" introduction, stage. She will never forget you for that. Trust me. If you can approach it subtly, then she'll find that quality attractive. Afterwards, you can say hi here and there, and slowly talk to her more often. thereforeeee, having your friend break the ice is not a bad thing. Trust me. It's subtle, but gets to the point.

 

Good LucK!

Mahlina

[Shyness_overwhelms]

I would LOVE to break the ice myself, get her to actually know me from the start and viseversa...... the thing i could do is at least talk to her.... for school some ppl are going to minneapolis for a festival.... we are going to see cats, and i am most certain she will look beautiful in whatever she is wearing....i am hoping that i will be able to walk up to her introduce myself, tell her how good she looks... not like "you look HOT" but a more suttle way..... but i dont know how to start.... should i just "hi, im _____," shake her hand gently and ask her name(even though i already know it). how good would that be at a womans perspective??? its pretty bad i know, but i would like to know.

 

she is the quiet type, just like me... she will talk to ppl she knows good and have laughs and such, **(i do not know all this from stalking, but just from my view)**

 

 

geez.....i am most scared of her either turning me down or her friends being around( i hate that, it is a whole other story to ask someone out when friends are around... tried it once, didnt work too well...)i tend to studder, i probably will studder, and then get really embarrassed. i would be most comfiterable with just her and i alone.... which will be pretty dam hard to do..... sorry for all this..... im just in a huge ditch and cant climb out......what should i do???

[Shyness_overwhelms]

the strange thing is... i get really nervous even when i think about her... its weird.... i seriously have never had this feeling before....

 

i am kicking myself in the ass for not even talking to her.....

 

.....dammit....i seriously need to overcome my fear.......

[mahlina]

Hi Shyness_overwhelms,

 

I still think that having your friend come up to her is the best approach. Whenever a guy did this to me in the past, that was the only time in which I truly felt like he's a nice guy. He leaves a lasting impression in my memories, a good one. If you approach her by saying "Hey hot stuff!" She'll probably think, "Okay...I am not a piece of meat." But, some women might like this. If she's the quiet type, who's usually herself around people who she's comfortable with, then I'd suggest to be as subtle as you can. She'll probably appreciate the 'subtleness' more so, than the 'bluntness.'

 

Since you did mention that upcoming event, if you do catch her there, perhaps, you can have your friend give her a 'rose,' and introduce the two of you. I think that a 'middleman' is always great. For me, it puts a guy in a better light. It reinforces to me, that he likes me enough to tell his friend, to approach me. If he's using a middleman to get to know me, then he's a sincere guy, who's NOT looking for a piece of meat, but someone who he finds interest in. Using a middleman, puts him in higher 'regards' than a guy who can just go up and say, "Wuzzup Mah Baby Mama?"

 

I know, you might not approach it like this, but that's the feeling that I get, when a guy's too blunt. Plus, having a middleman puts more meaning into the whole process. It's cute, and more memorable. That's just me though. Also, it doesn't make you look desperate. Get what I mean? I think it makes you look respectful.

 

After all, the 'first impression' is the most lasting impression! So, if you don't want to scare her away, then I think that's the best approach. She'll definetely adore your efforts, and interpret your kindness as being kind, rather than a guy who wants to get laid. (Sorry, that's just how I feel, when a guy's too blunt). Hope this helps.

 

Take Care,

Mahlina

[mahlina]

P.S.- One more thing: going up to her, shaking hands, and introducing yourself, wouldn't be a bad thing. Actually, whenever a guy did that to me, I usually just leave it as, "Hi Nice to Meet ya..." And if he asks for my number, it's usually, "It's really nice to meet you, but I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend." That's in most cases. I have however, given out my number when a guy's introduced himself to me, twice. Once at a wedding, in which he introduced himself to my parents first, then me. So, in that case, he really appeared 'nice.' Another time, was with my other ex, he came up to me, and introduced himself. Never threw down a 'mack' line, but approached it with subtleties as well. He was a charmer though, extraverted, and appeared really confident. Whenver a guy just comes up to me out of nowhere, and I don't know him, and he shakes hands, and the conversations moves onto "Oh, can I have your number?" I usually smile and say, "no..I'm sorry, thanks for asking....but I have a boyfriend..." That's in most cases. Sometimes, in other cases, like at a dance club, if a guy were to just come up to me like that, and we engage in a friendly conversation, meaning 'superficial' talk, then in the back of my mind, they're just collecting numbers to find a convenient lay. I don't want that. I cannot say, "I have a boyfriend." So, I usually give off a different excuse (or wrong digits, can't blame me right? )

 

Okay, that's just me though. So just study her behavior. Middleman first, then handshake. I think that's the best overall approach to this girl. I'm kinda old-school like that. (Can't help it.)

[Shyness_overwhelms]

thank u again./... i dunno about the middleman...... at my age... its kinda meaningless.... but .. wouldnt hurt to try (or maybe it will).....should i keep trying (slow pace) if she turns me down?? not looking like im desperate though.......????!!