new here with a big problem... please help if you can

[monstar]

today i looked in my partner's email... i don't know why, just to be nosey i guess... but i found pictures of another girl that he knows thru friends.... naked, and uhm... exposing herself... the other day on our digital camera there were pictures of him exposing himself, but i didn't think much of it... i am so hurt and upset that i found these pictures of the girl.... but i am ashamed to confront my partner as he has in the past expressed to me that he feels very violated and full of self hate when someone looks thru his things... please help me.... we have been together for over two years now, and i don't want it to end over these pictures, i don't know how to tell him that i looked thru his email (i haven't done this in quite a while) and i don't want to be the bad guy in this i am about as angry and hurt as he will convey to me that he is, even tho i don't think what i did was as bad as what he did... he has lied to me about this girl in the past.... not introducing us in social situations, telling me that she is in a very committed relationship etc.... i don't want to do something stupid to mess this up any more... please help

[Caldus]

Since you looked through his e-mail, you now know that something bad is going on. Something needs to be done or else this situation will become even more stressful for you. The only solution that I can think of is to confront him about it. First, if he asks, admit to him that you were going through his personal stuff. Then you need have to big talk about him and this other girl that are obviously liking each other. Based on the information given, this would probably be the only choice. Otherwise, he will still think that you do not know about their exchanged e-mails, etc. He will probably end up doing more of this kind of stuff if he still thinks that you do not know. Hope this helps.

[writer68]

Hey your not the bad guy here you just caught him with his proverbial "pants down" or should I say you "exposed what he did"? Uh no forget it I guess he did the exposing. Well no use crying over spilt cream. It's not your fault.

[hollyrenee]

oh man im glad i'm not in your situation! you don't deserve to be treated like that, bottom line. I wonder if the reason he had the comment about people looking through his stuff was because he knew he could get caught.

 

tell him. he screwed up, it's not your fault, you deserve to know what's going on. if he didn't want to get caught, he shouldn't have dont it in the first place...

 

good luck to you.

[monstar]

i'm really not sure that i took the best approach, but i told him about it, very calmly, i said that i didn't want to make a big deal out of it, even tho it was a big deal... i just don't feel like i'm ever going to trust him... i'm so hurt by his actions, but i don't want to go crazy yelling at him... well he was all, it was the first time, blah blah blah, okay fine, i'm trying honestly to tell myself that it was just pictures and to give him a chance to remedy the situation... my heart is very suspicious tho, and it's hard talking to him without letting my hurt show... everytime i see a girl that looks like her i flinch, or hear certain phrases... i also feel really stupid b/c they have known each other for a while, but he kept refusing to introduce me to her, and i know at some point in the future i am going to see her again and i'm so mad i want to hurt her because she hurt me, i feel like she is feeling better about herself for what she did to me... if that makes sense, i don't think i'm paranoid, but when i was single, i used to get a little thrill out of flirting with other girls' (not my friends) boyfriends... but she is *supposedly* in a relationship that is equally as serious as that of my guy and me... i don't know what to do... please help if you can... i really appreciate it.... thanks