No Contact Worked!!! Now What

[mlchildr]

No Contact worked.....he finally called 30 days after i started No Contact. We have been broke up for 3 months and were together for 2 years. Three days after we broke up he started seeing someone else and has been with her ever since. He called me 5 days ago to talk because he had broken up with the other girl. He said he realized what he had lost and that he missed me and thought about me all the time. I have seen him once and we talked and he said that he wanted time to himself to figure things out. We never talked about getting back together. He told me that he never wanted to see or talk to the other woaman again. The only problem is that he has to see her everyday because of his job. He came back for a brief 4 days a month after we broke up. He broke up with her and then went right back to her. I spoke to him yesterday and ask if he had seen the other woman he said Yes and that he talked to her and he said the talk was good. What does this mean. I haven't talked to him since and he won't answer my calls. Where do i go from here...

[bexcelant]

Well I think you are in the same phase of trying to get back your ex as I am. Two weeks ago she broke up with her boyfriend. Typically she calls me back right away but since the breakup...she doesn't call me back. I think that she is still trying to sort things out in her own head. They will undoubtedly go through negotiations of getting back together and she might go back to him or might not.

 

A friend told me once that breaking up is never easy. There is always back and forth getting back and breaking up..typically it takes a few of these until it's finally over. So my advice which is the same advice I have for myself, is to be careful, take care of yourself first, don't dive in and be his rebound. I think you have to tell him where you are at and that you want to get back with him but to wait awhile until he's healed up. Be his friend and be strong. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel.

 

BEX

[buffalosoldier]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds as if you are this guy's go-between and not alot else.

 

I think he is just wanting to have his cake and eat it too. From what you have said, every time something goes wrong with this new lady of his, he comes back to you. And he does this because you are his comfort zone.- He is familiar with you, and knows in his heart that you will welcome him with open arms. That is not a bad thing in itself, but he is taking advantage of the fact that he knows you may well still be grieving over the break up by running back to you in your fragile state. I know this all sounds very harsh,i really dont mean to upset you or cause offence in any way, i am just going on what you have said, only you know the full story.

 

I think you should leave this dude well alone, so he can figure things out for himself and so that he can realise that he should not use you as his back bone everytime he has an argument with missy.Do not be around for him,he will continue to use you, and even if he is not intentionally hurting you, the fact is he is looking out for himself-not for you. If he was he would deal with his problems himself and would let you heal and move on with your life.

 

My advice would be to not answer his calls, not see him and not ring him.

 

I wish you luck

[ElephantRider]

I really think that you should re-initiate the no contact. Like buffalo said you don't want to be his go between. You are a great person and deserve to be number one. Let him lead the way into what happens with your relationship. He has to put up one hell of a battle for you to believe that he is serious and wants to be with you. I think that this is the only way you can remove doubts of if he will just leave you again. Also this guy really needs to sort his issues out.

 

If I were you I would only answer every couple of calls, keep them short, but be caring and upbeat.

 

You really need and deserve for him to show that he deserves a great person like yourself

[woobiegirl]

Hi michildr,

 

Great job on the "no contact", you made it through one of the hardest parts. I very much agree with the replys so far and suggest you give serious consideration to the end result before making any decisions. It's not about HIM anymore, it's all about YOU now. He seems to be comfortable jumping back to you when things don't work out for him. An important factor is to realize how you were treated by him during and after the breakup. You were together for 2 years, that's a significant amount of time to be with someone. Just a guess here, but If he started seeing someone 3 days after, there's a good chance there was more going on prior to your breakup. Remember...while he was busy with a new relationship, he didn't bother calling you, even just to make sure you were doing ok. I wouldn't make yourself enthusiastically available for him...he has allot of things to prove to you, make him work for it. He needs to know how special you are and how lucky he is to have a second chance if that's what you want. You don't want to always wonder if and when it'll happen again.

 

Hope it works for you...

Woobiegirl

[Belle]

ML,

 

Speaking from the opposite end, my ex may have gone back to his ex girlfriend but we're now talking again. He has not really figured her into the equation and it's clear. I'm not sure that he has, but if I find out I know I won't respect him a lot for using her this way. It's unkind. Be kind to yourself and don't let him do it. There is no guy worth it on this earth to be used when things don't work out with someone else.

 

Belle

[mlchildr]

okay so i thought that maybe we were back on track and going to try to work things out as to getting back togehther. The thing is i haven't heard from him in 4 days and he won't answer my calls. He had said that he wanted some time to experience being single. I can only think the worst and believe that he has gone back to other woman this is what he did last time. The odd thing is the entire time we have been broken up he always answerd my phone calls. Why do you think he won't answer.

[woobiegirl]

Hi, sorry about that...but remember, the "no contact" worked because you gave him space & time...and this makes him wonder about you and what your doing during the slilence. He's avoiding your calls because he feels pressure...he knows why your calling. Don't call him anymore, I know that's the hardest thing to do, especially when week ends can seem endless. He said he wants time to experience being single...and he's done this before (going back to other women). If he knows you will always be there to take him back, he has no fear of losing you. Give him something to think about. You deserve better, more consideration and respect. Make him realize he has something very special to lose...and there may be "no coming back for 2nds".

 

Make yourself busy, do something for yourself, pamper yourself...spend time with your friends....but don't let your life roll by waiting to live it through him. Show him your strength, even if it hurts inside....take control. Hope you hang strong!!! It's all about YOU.

 

Woobiegirl...

[Belle]

ML,

I agree with the last post. Pamper yourself. Don't call him. he doesn't know what he wants. And like a friend told me "if a man doesn't call it's because he ain't interested". Be good to yourself. Don't chase after someone who doesn't want you. Get a massage, get your hair done, go shopping, treat yourself to a great meal, plan a trip somewhere exotic. This sounds really tough when you're in pain, but I've done it a little at a time and it does make me feel better. Most importantly, if you're ready, go out and have fun and try to meet new people. There are so many guys out there for us to be pining about one that doesn't want us. Wanting someone who doesn't want you back just sucks.

 

Belle