When to strike?

[Something funny]

I basically know what I should do to try to regain my ex, but the problem is that I don't know when to strike. Some people say I should wait even for so long as five months to really let her miss me, others say I should strike within two and three months (that would be in the coming month) to avoid her moving on too far.

 

We were together for 3½ years and I was her first real love; needless to say it was a very serious relationship, so I don't think she'll forget about it very quickly. But on the other hand, five months is a long time and who knows what could happen in that timeframe. While I'm getting ready for reestablishing contact she might have already moved on completely.

 

Right now, it has been two months since the breakup and one month of no contact. Should I be looking at resuming contact or continuing on? Is five months too much? Is two months too little?

 

And yeah, is the first contact after No Contact a real make-or-break situation, or could I check out how she reacts and maybe use more NC afterwards? Damn this is tricky..

 

Also, I know that NC is mostly about building up myself, but not completely. It's also about making someone miss you, and that part is hard to time correctly.

[kungfumaster]

Hey Something funny,

 

NC is about building up oneself. The "missing you" part is just icing on the cake. But making and baking your cake is first and foremost - are you sure you made and baked your cake yet?? You shouldn't worry about icing until you actually have a cake, i.e., healed yourself.

 

With that said however, I have to say that I cannot offer you any advise in terms of timing - I'm not sure I want my ex back to be honest. Sorry

 

Anyone can help SF with the timing part??

 

Kung fu

[Something funny]

I know it's about rebuilding myself, that's what I've been focusing on. But recently, as I've been feeling that I'm making progress, the thought just struck me; when is SHE ready? I really hadn't thought much about that before.

[Stingseed]

I too have a question on this subject. I am doing minimal contact for 2 months now and she still calls me. As of recently she has called to let me know how she thinks of me when she is with the other and also to let me know that she feels she is with the wrong person when they goto the beach or in those means. Now Like I said they must miss us I have shown her I am moving on most of the times I let her know that I cannot talk cause I have friends over or exercising etc... Now this has led to her asking me if I would like to have her back in which I responded honestly saying (yes I would) she replied by saying it will happen sooner than I think. Now I am confused about time lenght in no contact should I continue or pop a question?

 

So I too am confused when to spring into action

[Something funny]

Stingseed, it sounds like you're definitely on the right track. If you don't screw up, you'll have her back soon enough. I'd advice you to keep up the distance - now is the time to show your best qualities. Let her call you, act sweet and a little "tricky". Show her that you can play her game. Smile and give the impression that you can see right through her. Don't break down and give in to your feelings just yet - it sounds like you're almost there!

[kipster]

I basically know what I should do to try to regain my ex, but the problem is that I don't know when to strike. Some people say I should wait even for so long as five months to really let her miss me, others say I should strike within two and three months (that would be in the coming month) to avoid her moving on too far.

 

I think your mindset is all wrong here. Its not about striking, per se. To get he back by stricking is destined to fail because its you WANTING/NEEDING her back, as opposed to her CHOOSING to come back on her own accord. Which one do you think has the best possibilty of lasting? You can't put a timetable on this stuff, but as a general rule of thumb I would say that even5 months is merley a fraction of 42 months of total time invested. So you must be patient and use this time to really debate several things like, why did you break up? Do you really want her back? Can you realistically make the changes that will make your relationship work the second time around? Do you want to be with her, or feel that you NEED to be with her? (there is a difference). Then think about where you want to be in life and whether its with her or not.. But overall, don't get caught up in time since if you do love her, time should be of little importance. Remember good things come to those who wait. And I believe she will admire your patience..

 

We were together for 3½ years and I was her first real love; needless to say it was a very serious relationship, so I don't think she'll forget about it very quickly. But on the other hand, five months is a long time and who knows what could happen in that timeframe. While I'm getting ready for reestablishing contact she might have already moved on completely..

 

Of course she hasn't forgot about you, though she may be dating (that's a reality), but probably nothing serious if she is. But, I wouldn't worry about that too much since take a guess who all of her new interests are going to be compared to in her head? That would be you.

 

I think its fine to re-establish contact but did she break up with you or did you break up with her? If you are the dumpee I'd say you might want to wait for her to call. If you're the dumper, then I'd say you migh want to call her. Either way don't mention the relationship, sound sincere in a soothing tone, and keep it brief. I'm sure although she may not say it (if the realtionship ended on good terms) she will be happy to hear from you although she won't say it probably.

[Something funny]

Well, I guess you're right. But by "strike", I simply meant initiating any form of small contact. You see, I did tell her to wait with contacting me until I contacted her. However, if she really wants to see me, she might contact me anyway.

 

Anyway, I shouldn't be so damn impatient.

[kipster]

Well, I guess you're right. But by "strike", I simply meant initiating any form of small contact. You see, I did tell her to wait with contacting me until I contacted her. However, if she really wants to see me, she might contact me anyway.

 

Anyway, I shouldn't be so damn impatient.

 

Well, the first thing you have to do is lose the impatience. That's an attribute I'm sure most women don't like, but seem to express toward us . Second, if you actually told her that YOU'D contact her, then it seems somewhat odd to expect her to contact you. If anything, I think its a GOOD sign that she didn't (although she probably wanted to) since it suggests that she respects your space no matter how much its killing her not to talk to you. I'd call her at a time she's least expecting it using the tips I gave above, brief, soothing tone, no relationship mentioning. 10 min. conversation max with you ending it saying, "hey I've got to run, perhaps we can talk later?" Then a goodbye. Don't say I love you AT ALL, and if she starts steering it toward the relationship I'd try to tred lightly while swaying the convo in a different direction or by saying you've got to run a bit sooner. Then try to read how she responds.....

[curbie]

SF> I have been reading a lot on here and it seems as if there's no "set rule" on the NC. However, it seems basically that at LEAST 1 month or more will do the trick for the NC. Not that it ALWAYS works, but I'm going to suggest it to my ex and see what she thinks. At least give us time between ourselves on a mutual basis. I didn't want to just break contact, b/c she'll think I hate her and she doesn't want that. I would take a gamble on waiting one month... 8)

[Stingseed]

I agree there is no set time could be 1 month or 4 but the important thing is that you wotk on yourself to show them you dont need them and that they made a mistake in letting you go.

[Something funny]

Kipster, I think you're right. Especially about calling her when she least expects it. And I don't think I'm being REALLY impatient - it's not like I'm planning on contacting her anytime soon. I'm thinking within a couple of weeks, maybe a month or something. I want to let things really settle down before I approach her again.

 

I'm getting started with my new life and becoming comfortable with it, but I still have some time left before I'm completely used to it. I want to get to that point before calling her. I do know that NC is for my own good, and that's how I'm using it, I really see it as the time for me to "catch up" with her in terms of moving on.

[Stingseed]

that is the way no contact should be used to improve yourself. During this time you should not worry about pushing them away cause of NC. I am glad that you decided to settle down. You will need this to show that you are somenew and spark her interest.