Friends after a break up

[RyanA1084]

Hi everyone. I broke up with my first serious girlfriend (of 5 months) a few weeks back. Basically the abridged version is, we started off being off and on, were great for a while, but more and more things started coming up where one or both of us would get upset. She had bad mood swings and when she would get down she would question the relationship and say things that really hurt. Finally when she suggested that we take a break over the summer (I've got a 10 week internship on the east coast, we go to school at the University of Michigan, so I'll be gone for 10 weeks), I said maybe she was right, and from there we broke things off. I realized that I was putting in a ton of effort to keep the relationship going and she just kept questioning it whenever she was in a bad mood. I know she did it for reassurance but I couldn't handle it anymore.

 

Anyway, we were both heartbroken after we broke up because neither of us wanted it to end. When everything was fine it was seriously the happiest I've ever been. We've stayed in contact and have said that we will still stay friends.

 

Here's where I need the advice... I still feel kinda awkward talking to her (online for the most part). There are times when I want to change my mind but I realize I have to give things time. I really want to stay friends but I don't know how to do it without things being weird. Is it really possible to be friends after a serious relationship ends? Any advice is really appreciated.

 

-Ryan

[russia]

i think if the relationship ended badly, there's no friendship cos too much collateral damage.

 

you think she owes you big time for 'maintaining the relationship' and she probably feels the same!

 

ah, what's the point? easier to live and let go. your next gf will thank you for sparing her the pain of having to be nice to your ex-lover-now-friend.

 

but there's no need to hate. just let go and get on with your life.

[RyanA1084]

It ended, and it was terribly painful for both of us, but there was never any anger on my part. She got mad at one point, but apologized and said something that's probably the most meaningful compliment I've ever received. She was telling me why she un-blocked me on instant messenger and said "I realized, you only meet so many awesome people in your life, and it's too sad to lose the best one even for a little bit."

 

So, I guess my question was more "does anyone have advice about staying friends with an ex?" because I want to, it's just hard not to be awkward right now. I guess it probably just takes time...

[Michael2]

You can only be friends when you do not want to be her lover anymore.

[russia]

don't say i didn't warn you. if you keep close ex-gf, you will find it hard to get a new gf that won't get jealous. keep reading this forum and you will know what i mean.

[TrueHeart]

Being friends with an X is extremely difficult when you still have those lingering feelings.

 

I agree, when you have made a decision whether or not what kind of friend you want to be-- make the move. Otherwise, don't destroy yourself-- the worst way to love somone is from a distance and knowing you can't have them....

 

Make for certain how you feel... and what YOU want...