Please help, what do u think?

[Pharm11]

Hi,

 

It has been about 2 1/2 weeks since the break up, WE saw each other a lot the first week then it stopped. I started leaving him alone and not calling him and such. Then he started calling me more and more.

 

I know it hasnt been long....

 

But the other day he asked if it wud be out of bounce, if he cud sleep over cuz of convenience sake to get to where he needs to in the morning ( i do believe this) he loves his sleep. It was a long conversation of how i don want u to mess with my head. And he clearly said he is coming because of convenience and not cus he wants to mess with my head. And that when ever he asks me to come out he says if I flirt with you let things happen on its own and stuff. But its really hard for me to hang with him and see him with his female friends acting all single and stuff. I dont want to end up to be just a female friend of his, I want more, its hard to go back from girlfriend to just a friend. I also asked him wat do u think of me, he said AT LEAST a friend.

 

I was sad that he kept on saying he is not trying to mess with my head, which sucked cuz i want him back. He also said we wud be together by now, but we r not cus there are problems, but i dont understand y he doesnt want to work at it you know and come back. I asked if he is looking for another girl, he said NO.

 

Well i asked this hypothetical question, what if I said you get all of me ( and compromise and sacrifice) or none of me. Because he gives me hope everytime he calls and it has been hard like he is stringing me along or to see that i am still there (but its nice cuz i noe he is thinking of me). He is not ready for a relationship or a commitment i guess, cuz he said i wud run away from the question, and not answer. This was two days ago , he hasnt called me yet.

 

I dont know if i was too hard on him or too truthful i just dont want to loose him. I dont know wat to do.

[Cuppedia]

Hello.

 

I know why you feel like if you can't be his friend right now you're going to lose your "last chance" to be with him but it doesn't work that way and that's actually a good thing.

 

He said you were at least a friend and says he doesn't want to mess you up BUT is asking for something he wouldn't ask a friend when he knows said friend has feelings for him.

 

So, the important thing here is he is treating you like a friend and you're treating him like a person you love. You can't allow him to get everything he wants just because you're afraid he'll forget about you, he knows this and is using it to get away with a lot.

 

You have to put limits and those limits are NOT going to push him away, if he loves you he will reconsider, if he really wants your friendship he will respect your decision and if he was just taking advantage of you then believe me the sooner he's not around the better.

 

Ultimately this is NOTHING about him and everything about you. You are worrying about what kind of behaviour will keep him close and that's not fair to you. Right now you're worried, you are confused, you miss him but if you take some time for yourself by doing NC you will still miss him but you won't be questioning your words or actions.

 

Just do NC for some weeks and see how you feel, if he keeps trying to push you to get things he wants without offering anything (a relationship) just continue to ignore him.

 

A few weeks or months are not going to make him suddenly forget who you are, if after some weeks or months away you're both still interested in each other then you can start talking but right now I don't think being in touch will lead you anywhere.