I feel self-hatred, and just want to cut myself off from everything

[1MoreChance]

what do you do when you feel this way? (do you anyway?)

 

I reularly feel such a feeling of being worthless that I don't want to do anything, try anything, see anybody.

 

I feel cut off from the world. If I connect with people, it hurts after. I feel isolated, empty and depressed.

 

I don't feel like going out to see friends (however few I have left), I don't feel like getting involved in activities or projects. I feel so confused and lost. I feel ashamed.

 

can you help me to cope?

[Greedy Toad]

Hi 1MC.

 

Are you helping yourself to cope?

 

Are you seeking therapy, counselling or the advice of a doctor?

Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness at all?

 

GT

[1MoreChance]

Hi 1MC.

 

Are you helping yourself to cope?

 

Are you seeking therapy, counselling or the advice of a doctor?

Have you been diagnosed with a mental illness at all?

 

GT

 

 

ya I'm in therapy - started 3 weeks ago, one weekly group, one weekly individual therapy - I was diagnosed with personality disorder NOS with borderline features (nothing extreme though. i don't cut, never tried to commit suicide, ...). I found a program with experts in BPD and bipolar disorder (which I may have some components of (bipolar II)). But BPD is also referred to as motional dysregulation disorder I believe. I have an unstable sense of self (identity, self-image) and mood swings (which are pretty much experienced internally, not through outbursts, but it's still evry painful. one moment I can feel ok, then for an hour or so I can feel angry, anxious, confused, without really knowing why. I need to learn to identify the triggers, but the triggers are often just my own thoughts and fears).

 

I have moments when I feel just confused about my direction in life, and generally depressed and sad. I just feel like whatever I felt/experienced yesterday, or last week, whatever goals I reached, are totally distant and irrelevant. It's like it's all disconnected. The days, the sense of who I am and where I am going. I have a hard time building lasting frinedships. I pretty much fear relationships. so I keep it to work, and acquaintances I meet while at the park with my dog. I feel like I'll just fail anyway, or just disregard/forget the successes. so I isolate myslef. I experienced so much pain in my life that it's hard to start over.

 

I want to though.

[Greedy Toad]

My mum has BPD 1MC.

 

She has never sought help from professionals as she is still in the old school thought "keep it under wraps/stigma" etc.

 

She was highly sucessful (now retired), however, the impact on the family over the last 20 years has been horrendous. I won't get into that as it is a story for another time.

 

Have you been prescribed any medications as of yet. I am a believer in complementary therapies, such as being on medication to help you as well as group or one on one cognitive therapy.

 

Try not to think of it as starting over 1MC, instead try to think of it as another chapter in the same book of your life.

 

The book hasn't even got a title yet, as with our books of life, that comes at the end, once we know where we ended.

 

You have probably heard the saying, it's not the beginning that matters but where we end up (something like that).

It is so true in cases where you feel as though you are being set back time and time again.

I would take every assistance I could get my hands on, and whilst some people do not believe in AD's etc and simply love talking about stuff, the reality is, we are made of chemicals and it is the interaction of thos chemicals that make us feel the way we do.

[1MoreChance]

I know that some people who have BPD are high functionning and highly successful in their carreer.

 

I tend to be an underachiever, and though i have very self-defeating thoughts, I don't have extremelly self-destructive patterns of behavior like anorexie/bulimia, cutting, or explosive anger. But, I percieve myself as a bad person, though people always say I am such a nice person. Sure I can be rude at times (a little impulsive) when I feel angry and I tend to project my feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred onto other people. I feel negative feelings toward strangers mostly or just life in general.

 

I feel very confused. Like just now I was sitting here at the computer and I started to feel very anxious, like I was gonna loose control inside. then I started crying. Just stuff like that.

 

about the meds, the psychiatrist said that for my type of issue, psychotherapy is the best treatment. one of the goal in this particular program is to reduce meds to a minimum. I went through a bad spell of depression at the end of August and I would have taken any medication they offered. But that degree of depression hasn't come back and they want me to stay off meds. Which really I am happy about.

 

about the ending being the important part, I thought it was the journey that mattered ??? personally my journey feels meaningless and painful.

 

care to share about your experience with you mom, how do you know she has BPD, was it diagnosed? My dad had definitelly a personality disorder, don't know which one. he went nuts after my mom left him. (she also left cause there were problems already). He wasn't a drinker or drug user, nor did he show the pattern of behavior/mood changes of Bipolar disorder. I don't know what was wrong with him, but I definitelly inherited, shamefully, part of his temperament. None of us children talk to himn anymore BTW cause he hurt us so profoundly and never sought help.

 

Will I ever EVER be at peace?

[Greedy Toad]

My mum has been diagnosed, in one of her "clarity of the times" moments she sought advice, however it never lead anywhere as after a few weeks she was "all better", yeah right!

 

I get the sense that you are against being medicated. Personally, i believe it is important to be medicated and then wean off them over time with therapy.

I had a psychiatrist that did the whole 18 months of intensive 1 on 1 therapy with me as he didn;t believe in anti depressants.

 

In that 18 months i got worse and worse, now I am on them and have been for a long time. I just eat it in the morning. Whilst it hasn't completely "cured" me, it has made things a lot more stable.

 

Oh yeah, the journey matters, but the chapters prior are simply that. Let them go if they make you feel bad, don't flick back into your book and relive them or beat yourself up about them. You have nothing to be ashamed about, i mean seriously, what?

[1MoreChance]

ya I've been in therapy several times before (on or off meds) and it didN,treally help much. But this psychiatrist is experienced, and an expert, so I'll take his advice... I actually questionned him last time about it, we had the meds conversation. so for now that's what it is.

 

my issue is more how to cope with the moments of hopelessness, shame and feelings of low self worth.

 

what were you in therapy for?

[hrtlsngl7]

what do you do when you feel this way? (do you anyway?)

 

I reularly feel such a feeling of being worthless that I don't want to do anything, try anything, see anybody.

 

I feel cut off from the world. If I connect with people, it hurts after. I feel isolated, empty and depressed.

 

I don't feel like going out to see friends (however few I have left), I don't feel like getting involved in activities or projects. I feel so confused and lost. I feel ashamed.

 

can you help me to cope?

 

THerapy helps a ton. helps you recognize the root cause of a problem and take steps to eliminate it. You can also get happy meds!!! I like you're quote "fake it till you make it." You can do that too.

[1MoreChance]

THerapy helps a ton. helps you recognize the root cause of a problem and take steps to eliminate it. You can also get happy meds!!! I like you're quote "fake it till you make it." You can do that too.

 

 

thanks for the thoughts

 

I don't know what you mean by "happy meds" though... I've only been on antidepressants, they never made me happy. The stuff that makes you feel "happy" (maybe Ativan or something like that), I stay away from cause it's addictive. Sure it makes you feel good but it is short lived, doesn't teach you how to manage your anxiety, and is habit-forming...