what to do?

[fakeplastickate]

So. He was an awesome guy. Probably one of the most compassionate, caring, all-around nice people anyone could ever meet. He treated me like gold, and for five years, we were a great couple. Well, maybe not the entire five years, but for a long time. He loves me more than anything in this world, and would do anything for me. So why would I throw that away? I just felt like it wasn't working anymore. I'm graduating from college next week, and I have a career all lined up. I'm ready to be a grown up, ya know? He's 26, lives in his parents' basement, and refuses to get his act together. I have made it clear to him on many, many occasions that I would not stick around while he sat there and wasted his life away. I felt like on some level, I was indirectly responsible for his irresponsibility. Like, I made him complacent, and he was happy just being what he was, as long as I was around. So I broke it off. Two days ago I broke up with him. We have broken up before, but this time it feels different. I know all I have to do is call him and tell him I want to be together, and he would be so happy. This is exactly what I want to do - but I know that we'll be right back where we started in a few weeks. It's just not working. Last night was a mutual friend's birthday and of course we were both there. We spent the whole night with each other, just talking, and getting along great. Tonight I happened to walk into the same bar he was at. He said he was leaving, and I told him not to leave on my account. He called as I was leaving and asked me not to call or speak to him any more. I don't want him out of my life, I love him of course. It's killing me to not call him and get back together so we can just be happy. Things never go back to "the way they were" though, right? Well, thanks for listening, if anybody did. I guess I feel better that I typed this all out. At least I did something besides call him and try to take him back.

 

-Kate

[pip]

It sounds like you've done the right thing. Don't worry too much. I know it hurts him, but sometimes relationships have to end

 

Could you ever be happy dating someone who sits around in their parents' basement all day? No. You sound like an outgoing person with purpose in their life. He also sounds like a nice guy, but I guess you'd never be happy if he didn't get his life together. It's sad, but true.

 

I think if you guys are really meant to be together, then perhaps this breakup will jolt him into action and force him to get off his butt. Perhaps he is just lacking direction, etc. Who knows, he might totally turn his life around and one day you can patch things up again.

 

Anyway, I know it's hard breaking up with someone, even when you're the 'dumper', but it sounds like this is for the best

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey

 

Woah, I suppose your gonna have to figure it out, do you love him for who he is or not girl? You shouldn't change people like that nor force them, one day they might see something and change themselves. If you love him so much then you'll accept the downsides of him...it shouldn't be all about what you want.

 

He must be devastated, he wants to do so much for you...all but change or fully chnge (if he's trying) and you just slam it at his face.

 

I might be wrong but that's what it feels like from here. Take some time out, figure out wether you really need him or not or you'll just end up going around circles again.

 

Heb

[Snowdog70]

I think that if a relationship is a good one, where both people love each other and are happier toghether then BOTH people have to work on it.

 

If you want a relationship with him, and he wants one with you then IMO yes go to him, talk to him and WORK on the relationship. Get couples counseling if you have to.

 

I believe that these days too many people give up on relationships, and some are good relationships, for a number of reasons. They don't want to deal with issues, so they run. They are affraid to get help from an outside party, they think there is someone better out there, and movies, tv and music makes people think that a love relationship should always be "happily ever after".

 

Sorry, it's just my opinion.

[fakeplastickate]

you're exactly right. last night i couldn't sleep, he has just asked me to stop calling him. i was so tempted to call him up and just say "what are we doing? we know we were made for each other." but i felt like it was not right. so i just sat there awake forever. this morning he called me to apologize for making it uncomfortable at the bar last night. we talked for a while. it's funny how great we're getting along now that we're not "boyfriend and girlfriend." i mentioned that, and i said that although i don't want to lose him, i thought we both had to take a step back and look at the situation. i said that all this time i thought it was him who needed to "grow up", like, get a good job, etc. but i see that i have some growing up to do too. it's really selfish of me to overlook all of his great qualities just because i'll have a career in a month and he won't. but that's something that i have to work out with myself. he understands that. i hope one day it can work out, but if it doesn't, i know we could end up being really good friends. thanks guys.

[Snowdog70]

You have a good attitude, and your right, if he's around the same age he still may not really know what he wants to do with his life, as far as a career.

 

I was 21 when I decided to go back to school and wasn't really settled with a job until I was 27, I lived with my brother until that age as well. My now ex GF, used to want me to get out of the house and get my own place. she stuck with me for 4 years while I was living there.

 

Unfortunately for us we are no longer together, we are best friends, but we both know that we each have feelings for each other(see my post called opinion needed), problem with us was that she felt she had to "run away" from her parents, and self created problems.

 

My situation is why it really hits a nerve with me when 2 people who know they love each other very much just give up on a relationship. ALL relationships have there ups and downs and the downs are what really bring you closer, think about what you just said that you are getting along so great, think of it this way, you just went through a down period, and now things are looking better, it may not be that your not BF/GF anymore, but that got through this together and are closer.

 

IMO, go out with each other, be friends, be best friends, and let nature take it's course. I will never understand "needing time apart" when the parties involved both know how they feel and how the other feels, and how being apart is more difficult than being together, yet they chose to be apart and cause each otehr grief.

 

It sounds to me you know what to do, just remember COMMUNICATION is the most important thing you can do, and also remember if you are arguing you are NOT communicating, you are trying to force your point and no one is listening(not to say you are, it's just a good point).

 

 

 

good luck !!!