fakeplastickate

you're exactly right. last night i couldn't sleep, he has just asked me to stop calling him. i was so tempted to call him up and just say "what are we doing? we know we were made for each other." but i felt like it was not right. so i just sat there awake forever. this morning he called me to apologize for making it uncomfortable at the bar last night. we talked for a while. it's funny how great we're getting along now that we're not "boyfriend and girlfriend." i mentioned that, and i said that although i don't want to lose him, i thought we both had to take a step back and look at the situation. i said that all this time i thought it was him who needed to "grow up", like, get a good job, etc. but i see that i have some growing up to do too. it's really selfish of me to overlook all of his great qualities just because i'll have a career in a month and he won't. but that's something that i have to work out with myself. he understands that. i hope one day it can work out, but if it doesn't, i know we could end up being really good friends. thanks guys.

So. He was an awesome guy. Probably one of the most compassionate, caring, all-around nice people anyone could ever meet. He treated me like gold, and for five years, we were a great couple. Well, maybe not the entire five years, but for a long time. He loves me more than anything in this world, and would do anything for me. So why would I throw that away? I just felt like it wasn't working anymore. I'm graduating from college next week, and I have a career all lined up. I'm ready to be a grown up, ya know? He's 26, lives in his parents' basement, and refuses to get his act together. I have made it clear to him on many, many occasions that I would not stick around while he sat there and wasted his life away. I felt like on some level, I was indirectly responsible for his irresponsibility. Like, I made him complacent, and he was happy just being what he was, as long as I was around. So I broke it off. Two days ago I broke up with him. We have broken up before, but this time it feels different. I know all I have to do is call him and tell him I want to be together, and he would be so happy. This is exactly what I want to do - but I know that we'll be right back where we started in a few weeks. It's just not working. Last night was a mutual friend's birthday and of course we were both there. We spent the whole night with each other, just talking, and getting along great. Tonight I happened to walk into the same bar he was at. He said he was leaving, and I told him not to leave on my account. He called as I was leaving and asked me not to call or speak to him any more. I don't want him out of my life, I love him of course. It's killing me to not call him and get back together so we can just be happy. Things never go back to "the way they were" though, right? Well, thanks for listening, if anybody did. I guess I feel better that I typed this all out. At least I did something besides call him and try to take him back. -Kate