Talk me out of contacting him!

[freaked]

I have had an overpowering urge to contact him today. If you would like the whole story see my previous threads otherwise here is the coles notes version... 7 year relationship, he broke up with me in July after a he had a breakdown. Tried to go NC shortly after which has been more like LC (all contact initiated by him) Last week he popped back into my life apologizing, saying he missed me and talking about getting back together but that he wasn't sure. He is seeing someone else but he sees a future with me. (Does that even make sense?) I asked him to stop contacting me until he was sure. Now I am second guessing my decision. Was this his way of opening the door for reconciliation? Does he think I slammed the door in his face? I know in my heart of hearts that if he truly wants to be with me he will fight for me. But I know him well enough to know that if he thinks I do not want him back he will respect that and do anything he can to get over me. If reconciliation is an option I think I would want to pursue it. I just really want to know what his reason's were for saying the things he did last week. This would be what I would text/email him:

 

What exactly was the purpose of saying the things you said to me on Wed? Was it a final goodbye? Was it supposed to give me hope for us? Was it meant to keep stringing me along? Was it just nostalgia when you saw me? Were you just trying to get laid? Or do you truly think that you made a big mistake? That you regret giving me up? I just need to understand. I really just don't know what to think. I need brutal honesty.

 

I think I would be prepared for any answer he would give. I just need to know why. I was doing really good before and I am trying to get back there.

[amipushy]

If you told him to stop contacting you until he was sure then stick by that.

Don't second guess yourself or his understanding of them, they were clear and concise words, there can be no misinterpretation, he knows what you meant by them.

 

The "What's", "What if's" and "What for's" are just your own fear and anxiety messing with your head. Stand firm and stick by what you said.

[top bloke]

Why? It doesnt sound like he has made a full commitment to you if he has someone else. If he said that you were the only woman in his life the he may rate a second thought. A man has to decide where he wants to really be. Keep no contact I feel.

[Clabs]

Hun - he is with someone else and is jerking you around - and - isn't it working?

 

You likely won't get the answer you were hoping for even if you did contact him and it'd make you feel tons worse, would be my bet.

 

Honestly - look at the facts here and don't read into anything else.

 

I know it is as hard as hell but you have to look out for your best interests.

 

What do you think?

[freaked]

Thank you everyone. I really just needed to see it in black and white. I agree that he needs to figure out what he wants. I just wish he had done that before he came by last week. The fact is that right now he is not with me and I am still going through my healing process. It seems that I was starting to stitch my heart back together and this came along and ripped some of the seams. The idea that there is hope that one day he will come back to me rattled me. I was assuming that it was over, maybe I need to keep doing that to get back to where I was.

I haven't wanted to contact him like this since the beginning. I forgot how hard it was

[Clabs]

Aww - know how hard it is when they come back around. But as I said - look at his actions - he is with somone else. What would you be thinking that he was with you and contacting someone else? Scumbag!

 

Some people have no regards for what their contacting an ex can have.

 

You say yourself he has torn some stiches and I know where you are at there so sending you some HUGS but try and use this to cement why you were not contacting him in the first place.

 

Dunno if this is helpful - hope so!

 

Mark

[jbrooklyn]

This is all great advice. I am glad I read this myself. You just have to keep on living and hope for the best. I want my ex back to but he has to do it on his own. it suks but it is true and right