He said the "L" word then took it back....

[Kara]

Okay, I need this situation dissected in a big way. It's driving me crazy. I'll try to keep it short and sweet and thank you in advance for your advice!

 

In a nutshell, I've been in a "friends with benefits" relationship with a guy for over 6 months. We kissed twice on occasion before the "agreement", then we started talking more and more and really opening up, then we began sleeping together. Strictly agreed to "no strings attached."

 

Well, it never ends up that way. After 6 months of being great friends, phone calls, emails, MSN convos, the sex....I've fallen in love with him. We're pretty open with our feelings except for some reason, when it comes to love, we hold back. He would ask questions about if I was falling for him and I would dance around it and say that I had strong feelings for him. etc....and then he'd answer the same...so that the question was never getting answered.

 

Well fast-forward to last night. We're talking on MSN for quite a while, having a fun conversation and then it's getting late and he says he should go to bed and for me to email him. I say will do and tell him to have a good night...and then he says:

 

"Love ya"

 

Eek. Well, I was delighted, stunned, scared, unsure, all kinds of emotions. But mostly delighted, as I have been waiting so long for the right moment to tell him...but always just assumed our "relationship" was just sex for him.

 

So anyway, he says that. I wait a minute...wondering what I should say...and decide now is the time. So I say:

 

"Love ya too"

 

And then the rest of the MSN convo went like this:

 

Him: You don't mean that...lol

Me: Do you?

Him: I asked you first...

Me: You said it first, lol...do you?

Him: Love sleeping with you, lol...just wanted to see your reaction.

Me: You're evil.

Him: That's me...did you mean it?

Me: lol, no fair.

Him: Come on be honest, I think you do.

Me: lol, why do you say that?

Him: To bug...lol

Me: Lol.

Him: Well???????????

Me: Love sleeping with you...

Him: Lol..can't steal me answer, come on...be honest

Me: Why would you say that though, I'm curious.

Him: Say what

Me: Say "love ya" then say you just wanted to see my reaction

Him: I thought you wouldn't respond back and you know I like to stump you.

Me: You're so cruel.

Him: That means you do.

Me: I never answered.

Him: Then answer.

Me: I love sleeping with you too.

Him: Alright, I will let it go...lol.

Me: Well I get to stump you before you go.

Him: What's that.

Me: Do you think you're falling in love with me?

Him: More in love as a very close friend and I know you're there for me anytime.

Me: Ok, and yes I am there for you anytime.

Him: What about you?

Me: Same, love ya as a very good friend. If I let myself fall in love with you I probably could, but I can't let myself...so I'm not. lol.

Him: Alright....well email me tonight and we'll talk more.

Me: Ok

Him: Have a great night and sweet dreams.

Me: Thanks you too, good night.

Him: Nite.

 

So????????? What the hell was that?????

 

Does he and he took it back because I wouldn't say if I meant it? Or was he seriously just testing me to see if I do? That's cruel if that's the case.

 

Anyone shed some light on this one???

 

Thanks!

[VickiRose]

Actually, I think that either he may noticed that you have developed feelings for him and said it. Or he may be feeling the same way and wanted to know how you felt. When you started your agreement, did you ask the question 'what if I just happen to fall in love with ya?' Or something along those terms. You both seem pretty open with each other. Maybe, you could have that conversation well what would happen if we both fell in love with other? Would it start a relationship? Or would it end what we have now?

[AN]

Hi Kara,

 

...I think you're taking this way too seriously. Your emotions have clouded your judgement in taking something as a common goodbye line into a something you desired for so much. But if you are desperate there are subtle ways to find out. Sit down and think about him as a person. Some men are very jealous. Try to openly flirt with good looking guys infront of him. See how your friend reacts. If you think that's too drastic or need a little time to think about it, you can try this neat little method. Ask your friend to take this test:

 

link removed

 

and his results will be emailed to you. This love calculator will either tell you that he loves you or raises your hope even more. Oops I lost my thoughts...I just got a package. You know, it's not wrong to admit that you like him, one two things might happen and I know you hope for the best but expect the worst. Anyway, he probably got the clue when you took so long to answer. Might as well go for it and find out. But don't hold him up to anything since you both verbally agreed to the "no strings" rule.

 

Best Regards,

Alex

[kungfumaster]

Exactly Kara - WTF was that?? Keep in mind, you are playing the same game, but I think it was cruel of him to start it and play with your emotions like that - unless you guys are like that all the time, i.e., playing with each others emotions. Be careful (sorry - sounding like a parent here), one day you'll really fall for him, and then he says that and takes it back - you know that won't be funny anymore.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

lol Stop playing games. It's obvious you both like each other and you both know it! Just make him tell you first if you don't wanna say, this is gonna come up again soon.

 

Heb

[Kara]

Anyone else have any thoughts on this? It's driving me crazy wondering. I just keep analyzing it over and over.