Anyone really friends with their ex?

[medtranusa]

I'm trying not to contact my ex at all. His girlfriend is a psycho that flips out about me. She was a major part of our breaking up AFTER 9 YEARS TOGETHER. Can he and I ever be friends? It bothers me that after all that time we have no contact. I'm not sure if he is keeping the peace or worried about hurting me. He contacted me last month when they were having problems. I told him that I was doing pretty well until he drew me into the drama. He even made a remark that he and I should go to Vegas, which I took as meaning to get married. You see were not even engaged a year when he dumped me for her. Our relationship needed renewal at the time but he just told me I blew it. He took no responsibility for our relationship failing and we were threw. I figured out that there was someone else involved within a week. I probably should not even want to be friends with him. We broke up in November. I moved out in January and she moved in a week later. It still hurts a lot but I am functioning. I can't even get interested in other men yet. What is the point when you can be with someone so long and have them turn on you or betray you.

[lunatic]

Medtranusa,

 

Not all men are like this. Trust me that not all men are jerks. I think that nine years is a very long time and you need to get back to who you are. You will one day wake up and realize that you forgive him for what he did. That is when you know you are ready for a relationshuip. I would take it easy and not date anyone right now. It is way too soon and you will be happy for a short while but, the past has ways to come back and bite you on the butt. Only you will know when your ready to date. Take is easy, hang out with your friends. Do things you like to do and get out. Don't sit home sulking over this guy. I want you to think about this...

 

You have done nothing wrong. He did this to you and you should not forget that. You will come out of this a better person and will grow from it.

Take all the time you need to recover from this emotional breakdown. Yes it is very much an emotional break down.

Dating is like riding a bike. You fall down and get right back up on it again. Take your time and you'll be a better person for it.

 

If you need any advice feel free to PM me.

 

I am sorry that you are going through this pain. I understand how you feel and how much it hurts. In time you will get better and you will get the urge to date again.

 

Relax! You are not alone as long as you visit this site.

 

-Hubman

[RandyB]

medtranusa,

 

From what you said, I'm not even sure WHY you want to be friends with this guy. I was real suspicious of an old girlfriend who called me up just as things were getting rocky with the guy she had chosen over me, because I suspected she wanted to play one of us off against the other and have the luxury of two guys chasing her. You don't want to get caught in a triangle and you do not want this guy taking advantage of two women at once.

 

As for true exes, I am pretty good friends with an ex-girlfriend, but she lives a couple of time zones away so it's all by email. I am also very lucky to retain the friendship of my ex-wife, a wonderful woman (I screwed up the marriage, but she forgives me) and even her current husband, a great guy who contacts me himself occasionally just to chat. But as I said, I consider myself pretty lucky and don't know how typical my experience is, but this guy you're talking about doesn't sound like a winner to me. It's nice to stay friends with exes, but it's not essential. Those are my 2 cents worth.

 

RandyB

[kuhl282000]

I think depending on the situation it sometimes it is very hard if not impossible to be friends. Yes, that would be nice considering all the time you spent together. I was married for a long time once and I'm friends with my ex. But we don't like hang out together, we just get together for a bite and chat on the phone. I always say, some people come into our lives and stay for a short time, some a little longer, but very few stay forever. In your case you had 9 years. I have know break up after 1 month, and break up's after 50 years and every number in between. So I don't think it is the number. I think it just becomes a percentage % of our life. And we learn, and we grow, and we get better. And we hope the next time we can apply some of our lessons. Don't count on being friends. Sounds to me he lost a great lady.

 

 

Kuhl

 

8)

[Princess777]

Greetings.

 

Anyone who has actually been in a relationship with someone for 9 years will understand why the emptiness is there, and why you are hurt that you cannot have any contact with your former partner. Nine years is a long time to just walk away from. It just doesn't happen that easily, unfortunatley. That 9 years is something that is a part of you, so it is natural to feel that part of you is lost.

 

I've been through a similar circumstance. The other woman sees you as a threat. And rightfully so, you want him back, right? Fortunatley in my situation, the other woman saw me as a threat but shouldn't have, because I did not want him back. So I was very frustrated because I couldn't get it through to her that I didn't want him.

 

I think just trying to get understanding out of it all will help you make a decision about whether or not you really want him back. If you are just hurt and confused, give yourself more time. My ex did that to me too, contacted me when things were crappy with her. He is doing this because he knows how to relate to things with you and hasn't built that with her yet.

 

I hope this helps some, I don't feel like anything I say can really help this situation though. You need more time, I guess....

[lil_unique_me]

i still am. in fact it kinda cemented our friendship. in fact we made out just the other day.

erm... i think that some men are not really worth dealing with. but there is someone out there for all of us. even those that dont feel that they do but there really is. just hole in their. you will get there soon. i promise.

Catie xxx

[medtranusa]

Thank you everyone for the words of encouragement. Every time I think of talking to him about something I don't go through with it. I even write emails with no intention of sending them. This is the worst pain I think I have ever felt. I am close with his parents still and sometimes I feel that they make a big deal about our closeness to the new woman to aggravate the situation. When I do not see them for a week they call me and make sure I will be over soon for dinner or something. We are trying not to talk about their son now though. They do not like the whole situation and are waiting for it to pass. Funny thing though, his dad told me I am better off because he would only bring me down. How's that for advice regarding your only son?

[Princess777]

Hmmm... well, his parents probably know him really well, so maybe you should trust that. However, I can't say whether or not you should try to get him back, that is only for you to decide. It may be a phase, but it's hurtful to you and that is the issue. They must really like you. Keep in mind they are most likely giving him a really hard time over this, if that makes you feel any better. Things could always be worse, they could hate you and be encouraging the other relationship. Try to see the silver lining in everything!

[tiger_lilies]

I believe that the only way you can be platonic friends with your ex is if you really have no problems when you see them dating other people. I have remained very good friends with several of my ex's and I feel no jelousy at all. In fact I am happy for them and encourage their relationships.

 

However, you are still hurting a great deal and obviously I recommend that you stay far away from him so that you can heal. You have a new life now, make it as colourful as possible. Gain new experiences by doing things you've never done before. Join a dance class with a friend, learn to play a new instrument (I did).

[medtranusa]

Well so far I have done some painting, which I have not done for a very long time and I joined a gym. I've been working out like a maniac. I started going to church and quit smoking. That was a really big decision considering all that I am going through. I figured it was a good time because my roomie is not around enough to catch the fallout. I've smoked for so long that it is a part of me. It changes your perception of pain but it has been almost a month now, so I'm sticking with it. I'm still hearing about what goes on with him though and that might not be good. This gal was a rescue for him and has all kinds of problems. We had a quiet life and now his life is full of drama. Go figure.