What is up with this guy?

[greeneyes]

There's a guy I work with who has been flirting with me for a while now. When things weren't really getting anywhere I distanced myself from him for a while. He's come back around and is still flirting. He's driving me crazy. He's always interested in what I do on the weekends, he'll look me up and down and smile, etc.

 

I know he is hung up on the work issue. We don't work in the same department, just the same company. I find him attractive and enjoy the flirting but at the same time it is very frustrating not ever moving beyond it.

 

I don't really know what to make of the whole situation. I've been out of the dating scene for a few years and am just now entering it after getting divorced. The funny thing is, I have gone out with other people during all this and my mind always wanders back to him. He knows I go out and he'll ask how far things went. Why does he care?

 

What should I do?

[PaulB1979]

You see, recently I found out this woman liked me. I was so scared to ask her out because I work with her, I see her everytime I go into work. I asked her out anyways, we did go out, and I thought everything was going great. Then I call her today and she kinda blew me off. Politely though, but her friend met me online and told me she just wants to be friends. The rest of this day I just wondered why she couldn't just tell me that. Its all because we work together and I think she was scared to get me mad or that I would hold a grudge. I still have to talk with her to tell her its ok, its no big deal, peace, friends, you know what I mean.

 

All I know, this is the second time I try this, going out with someone from work, and it doesn't work out for me. A friend told me it's better to just not "F*** with the payroll", quite a crude way of putting it, but I think he makes a good point. I've learned my lesson twice

 

If you choose to persue this, be careful.. it could rock your world in a bad kind of way. But you never know. Thats the problem!

 

I'm sorry to tell you my sad story, but it's "Sad but true".

 

Good luck.

 

Paul

[dave1977]

Dating can be difficult with someone you work with, but not impossible. I know many people that have met that way. i am no genius but i have been attracted to a woman i work with but was afraid to say anything for fear of things being akward. I just showed a few signs and asked things about her personal life etc to try to get to know her. Basically I was trying to get a response to see if she was at all interested in me. So my guess is that maybe this guy is interested but wants to know if you are also. Have you said or done anything to show that you like him? He probably asks about your dates because he is likes you and wants to know about you. Maybe try asking him some personal questions or say a few things to give him some confidence. Or, maybe you should just ask him out. We live in a new generation now, I heard of a woman asking a man to marry her. Also, with all the sexual harassment stuff going on, he might be scared to say anything. Anyway, I do think he does like you and would at least like to hit lunch someday. He reminds me much of myself. Make sure you smile at him and flirt back a little. cheers

[Silversun]

I don't think you should take it the wrong way but someguys like myself tend to not move beyond friendships because they have recently been in difficult relationships and are worried about stepping into a new one so quickly.

 

Men tend to not rush into relationships and it's my personal opinion that you may have to wait a while with this guy. I noticed with other girls that they sometimes get a little frustrated when they can see the friendship/relationship is not moving as quickly as they'd like it to...

 

I'm not pointing the finger at women but what I am saying is that not all men are the same and that you need to consider that this guy may have been thorough a tough time. He may also need some space and maybe he wants to be single for a little while.

 

Just a thought....hope it helps

[greeneyes]

Dave 1977,

 

Here's the thing. We do go to lunch a few times a month at work and we take turns buying each others. I told him a few months ago I was interested. And we do flirt. BIG TIME! To the point it could be considered foreplay! He told a mutual friend that he was attracted to me but he was concerned about the work thing. This was a few months ago as well.

 

When all this started I really didn't know him at all. So over time we have definitely become friends. It's like the initial attraction is still there but it's not just that anymore. Does that make sense? In the beginning there was a strong sexual attraction that from the flirting I would say was mutual. But now it's like it's just not all about the sexual attraction anymore. It's something more there. At least for me.

 

I guess I just don't know what to do next. Do I keep on flirting? Keep going to lunch and see where it all goes? It's just so frustrating.

[dave1977]

this might sound a little funny, but, do you know for sure that he is absolutely single. No girlfriend, significant other etc. And also, is your mutual friend absolutely trustworthy. assuming he doesn't and your friend is... this is what pops in my head. first of all, you are in a good spot. The hard part is over, you know you both are attacted to each other. The work thing appears to be the big only hang up. you might have to be the one to be bold and get uncomfortable for a second. One of these times your having lunch together and flirting, let him know how not busy you are going to be on a friday night and maybe how you need a change of pace and how dinner would be much more fun that lunch because you do that all the time. I am in sales, and to me the work thing sounds like an objection. the way to get over an objection is to give the solution before it ever comes up. So if you feel that is the only hang up... let him no that that you usually dont date guys you work with, but you think he is a great guy and you would like to give it a try. If you bring it up first and show that you dont feel it will be a problem, he will most likely follow if he really does like you. I am no pro, just a suggestion. I wouldn't waste any time though if it has already been a couple months. sorry the delay in response. write back if i make no sense, cheers