I love him, but what do I do?

[renegade43]

I have a partner of nearly 2 years. We live together, and he and his family have helped me out a lot in the past. My situation is that he has let his health go completely. He has gained a lot of weight, and while that in itself doesnt bother me, it prevents us from having sex, and all he ever wants to do is sit around and be lazy.

 

I want to find out some way to motivate him to exercise. I am the type of person who likes being outdoors, walking around, going places, etc, and he doesnt because he thinks the public gawks at him and judges him.

 

I do love him, and I don't want to leave him, but I feel that my love is not nearly enough to make him realize that he has so much else to live for. If he doesnt exercise and make a change in his life, things will continue to go downhill, and I feel I'm too weak to control it.](*,)

 

What would you do?

Thanks

[SapphireNoir10]

Talk to him honestly and gently about how you feel.

[Celestialagape54]

I would suggest you talk to him and let him know how you feel. I am not saying be rude about it but you could say something like " You know I love you ( SO's name) but I am concerned for your health because of your weight gain. I want to be with you and I would be crushed if something happened to you."

 

Talk to him and ask him if there is anything you can do to help. In cases like this I think that sometimes we don't know that out weight is a problem until someone says something.

 

Above all I think he should feel that you still love him regardless and that you are there to support him and motivate him.

 

If he cares and once he sees your concern in genuine I feel that he might get off his butt and start working out. It might be a good idea to start getting rid of the junk food in his life and start eating healthier.

 

Perhaps you guys could go out for a walk/run when there aren't that many people out. I know people who sometimes also take nature walks in rather isolated places because they don't want to let people see them!

[renegade43]

I'll try the nature walk idea. I have talked to him before, and it doesnt make sense to him that his weight and health problems cause me pain as well. I tell him he looks cute, all kinds of stuff, but it doesnt seem to matter to him...

[hexaemeron]

I'll try the nature walk idea. I have talked to him before, and it doesnt make sense to him that his weight and health problems cause me pain as well. I tell him he looks cute, all kinds of stuff, but it doesnt seem to matter to him...

 

Honestly, is he still cute to you, or are you trying to be nice?

[renegade43]

Sometimes he really is cute to me, but I try to see through the things that I dont find attractive anymore.

[hexaemeron]

Sometimes he really is cute to me, but I try to see through the things that I dont find attractive anymore.

 

What if you take him as is?

[renegade43]

I'm with him now as he is, I'm not planning to leave him. I just want him to star exercising so he can get his health on track, and so he can feel better about himself.

[hexaemeron]

I'm with him now as he is, I'm not planning to leave him. I just want him to star exercising so he can get his health on track, and so he can feel better about himself.

 

That's noble. However, what if he just flat out doesn't do it?

[ceez]

he sounds kinda depressed, the nature walk sounds fun and maybe you could replace the junk food with fruits and vegetables.health is a very serious issue, a lot of my family members let themselves go and now they are in and out of the hospitals and take like six or seven pills a day.

[loulee]

You can control what food is in the house and what you both eat when at home and exercise can be about having fun together under the guise of exercising. Why dont you walk and talk at the same time. Its a good way to share your day get some fresh air communicate and be healthy all at once..Dont overload this issue just gently introduce new eating habits and exercise slowly that you both can commit to together..

[renegade43]

He takes pills every day, and part of my problem is that I feel just as powerless as he does. He may very well have no interest in changing his health, I just wish he would see the light someday, that his life could be easier.

[ceez]

you have to try to be strong for him and don't give up. I like loulee's suggestion of introducing a healthier life style a little at a time. my grandmother ate nothing but fried greasy foods and fast food all the time after two open hart surgery's and had her arteries clogged 100% twice and she's now starting to eat right after watching what I eat, and how much I exercise. We sat down and talked about it too, that helped a lot.

 

you have to set a good example.

[pinj19]

Tell him how you feel , sit down with him , make a list of goals , something to better yourself , himself and your relationship , it helped me , im sure it wil be a plus

[lukeb]

The only variable you have control over in the relationship is you. You're feeling powerless to do anything to change your bf because well you are. It is not clear if your bf feels powerless or simply doesn't want to change but in the end it doesn't matter. You can be supportive, but in the end you need to decide if there is enough in the relationship to make each other happy. The alternative is to leave your "happiness" under the control of your bf.