Should I drop this friend ? Would like a Guy's Opinion.

[lilazngal]

my last post is a follow up to this, i just want the general opinion of some guys here as this whole thing has blew me away by how ridiculous this situation is.

 

 

sorry this is long!

 

 

When do you think it's appropriate to confront someone who really doesnt seem to be putting in their weight of the friendship?

 

Ive had disagreements with this person in the past, but we've managed to get over it and get back to normal (at least what I think is normal). The truth is, I think we just are so different in terms of how we value and prioritize our friendships that I constantly find myself keeping this one particular friend under a microscope. I dont necessairly believe that's just the way it is and I really do feel alienated.

 

For the past 2 months I have been the one to make any effort/contact to get together or hang out. I have also been the one to initiate conversation. We were working on a project together and during that time we also spent a lot of our free time and social time together. Now I feel akward to even contact him. In the last 48 hours Ive called just to get his opinion on a few things that I thought he would be able to help me out. He hasnt answered his phone, so I just left 2 messages. No response.

 

It seems like the last time he got in touch with me was when I had something to offer him that that he wanted. Last week I asked him, along with a few other friends (very short notice) if they wanted to go out for brunch, by the time I heard back from him, I had already gone out to eat. He responded telling me he couldnt go anyway, that he needs to save his money since his main priority is on some vacation he's taking next month, that he'll contact me if he thinks he has any extra funds available. I can understand being broke, but please, I dont know what's up with the excuses like that. Many times Ill offer to just cover the cost of going out for a friend if I know I can afford it, but Ive done that already a few times for him (just to be nice) and all I wanted to do was get a bite to eat and hang out. Im also not going to be sitting on the edge of my seat at home waiting for him to respond to me, either.

 

I feel like this guy is playing control or mind games with me. He doesnt respond to any group emails I send out. I think if it doesnt really have anything for him to personally gain, that he wont bother to respond. This just bothers me, considering I have always been a reliable, dependable friend to this person. When he needed advice, help, etc. I was always there. Sometimes I couldnt respond to his calls right away, but Id at least call back in a few hours or so. And even if someone doesnt respond to you soon enough, they usually apologize for it anyway.

 

 

Im just getting tired of this. I feel like it's way too much stinking work to maintain any type of friendship with this person. Im not a high maintenance person, either, it's not like I want to go out and blow tons of money every single weekend, it's not a big deal to get together for lunch with friends once in a while (because if someone doesnt have enough money, we'll cover for each other), you could always go for a hike, go to the beach, we both have a lot of common interests. I work hard all week and really love to make the most of my weekend and just have a good time, no matter what.

 

There have been times if he's been stressed out (over some things that have really been turned into mountains from a molehill) and he's just become completely reclusive and announces he wont be going out this weekend or talking to anyone. It does worry me that he does that because you shouldnt make the people who care about you suffer from your stress by alienating them.

 

So here's where I stand. Lately, Im the one doing all the foot work, to keep in touch, to spend time together. Often I have been shot down and hey, I understand we're all busy and I really should try to plan things in advance, but Im just tired of all the excuses, that carry the tone that Im competing with other things in that person's life (saving up for my vacation is more important or too bad i didnt get in touch with you soon enough, i was busy cleaning). I think just wondering if this person will ever call me back after Ive left two specific messages (and of course, I couldnt wait, I got my answers from someone else) in the past 2 days with no response---I have to ask myself what is going on? I thought we were friends, but maybe he wants to be friends when it's convenient to be one---like he has more of a methodical approach that isnt meshing with me. He has always been uninvolved. I just feel like Im being dragged down whenever I try to be his friend. We have a good time together, but it really shouldnt be this much work or stress on my end.

 

I keep few and close relationships with my friends, I have a ton of aquaintances, but the people I call my friends hold a special place in my heart/life. I dont know what to do, is it even necessary at this point to confront him? Is there a need to even continue this friendship? Because he's such a reclusive person, If I dont say anything, he wont think that anything is wrong and he wont ask, either. If I tell him Ive had it, at least he knows where I stand now.

 

I also thought maybe I'd give it one more shot and invite him hiking and see what type of response I get, but seriously Ive already tried to call him enough anyway. I dont know what to do because he will probably be totally uneffected, either way.

 

Any thoughts? Advice?

[Hybrid_Worm]

Well, in my opinion you should confront him, its best to let the other person know how you feel and where you stand, maybe he just has no clue about how u feel, maybe he is going through rough times, maybe he just wants to end the friendship. Sometimes people dont know what they have until they lose it. So i think you should talk to him and tell him everything, see how he reacts. I can just wish you good luck, losing a friend is not something easy, but hey thats life.

If you ever need someone to talk to contact me.

[suespoons]

Ask yourself if having him in your life makes your life better overall. I feel strongly that friends should help ease our burdens and give us laughter when we need it. I don't have time to keep up friendships with people who cause me more grief than hope-- I've let a friend or two go over the years because of this.

 

Of course, everyone has bad times, and friends should be there for one another. But in the grand scheme of things, does this person take more from you than he gives? If so, I'd say it's in your best interest to let him go.

 

Good luck.

[lilazngal]

Thanks for the input!

 

 

This guy has been riding on some serious thin ice. I hate to be questioning and analyzing every action of his as of late, but Im looking out for myself, there's no need to be in a friendship where everything is 90/10.

 

Well, I havent bothered to attempt any other phone calls, because well, no need to call someone who doesnt call back anyway.

 

I did email the other day asking if he'd be interested in tagging along with me on my hike. No response to that, either. Ive actually seem him online, so I feel he's had more than enough of an opportunity to speak up.

 

He is being blatantly rude.

 

It would seem a little difficult to confront a person who doesnt respond to phone calls or emails. It's just pathetic, that every single time he has just decided to go reclusive on me and use the silent treament/cold shoulder routine. Hell, if you're busy say so, if you dont want to be friends, then say so. I really dont have time for little children who choose to play games and cant own up to their own feelings.

[lilazngal]

hahaha, i know everyone is dying to hear an update from me, (LOL, NOT!). anyway, i thought i would post regarding the irony of this whole situation im in.

 

so this morning he emails me and it's in response to some random email i had forwarded to him and a few other friends last week. in this email, he asks me *is this what you were calling me for and what your phone message was about when you said for me to check my messages?*.

 

again, i left him two messages, one on thursday night with my original question, then friday afternoon telling him to check his freaking messages and get back to me ASAP.

 

 

bwahahaha....i think it's not only BALLSY AND TAKES SOME NERVE to even email me like that, with no apology for missing my call (s) and for not getting back to me soon enough.

BUT JUST FOR ALSO thinking that i was sitting around waiting for him to get back to me. someone else was able to give me the answers i needed on friday, hahaha.

NOT TO MENTION---not even acknowledging that i had emailed him about going hiking with me.

 

all these dumb games he's playing with me, his age is starting to show now. i am not interested in being his girlfriend---HELLO, i just wanted to be friends, but what is all this nonsense for? why could he be acting so unbelievably difficult?

 

is it possible for anyone to act this stupid?