guidedbylights Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Hi, well my girlfriend and I both would like this problem sorted out. We've been a couple for over 2 years now, and we've had very little sex life. She has some major confidence issues which makes her think that I'm going to be disgusted by her body and that I'll laugh at her, I've told her how much I love her but I do understand why she's like it as she has very little self esteem. We've had sex about 4 times, every time she found it too painful because she'd tense up so much because she was scared and embarrassed...but also with stuff such as oral sex and just 'playing' with her, as soon as she starts really enjoying it and getting closer to orgasm she doesn't let me continue and gets really embarrassed...sometimes she'll go a bit further but she'll always tell me to stop. During all of these it has to be dark because she's convinced she's 'disgusting'. I really want her to start relaxing during it and just enjoying herself rather than worrying too much...is there anything I can do to help her let go of her worries? Thanks Link to comment
Speranza Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 You're probably doing all the right things. This sounds like someone with bigger issues than can be solved without outside help. Perhaps she is scared of being too 'animal' when she really lets go? Some women are scared of flatulence! Some women think it's not ladylike to be seen having an orgasm or making sex noises... But this girl has a problem. How old are you guys? Link to comment
guidedbylights Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Thanks for your reply...I'm 20 and she's 19, we were both virgins before all this. We've talked about it and she's told me that she really does enjoy it but it gets 'too much' and she's scared of enjoying herself too much. Also she doesn't orgasm on her own either, she just stops before all that. Link to comment
arsenal Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Give her compliments. If she is insecure about a body part about, compliment her on them. Give her compliments on body parts she isn't insecure about. Also talk about how it turns you on when you give her head and how you want to see her have an orgasm. I find it is best to do it spontaneously, when she isn't expecting it. If a woman says she thinks she is ugly, then you say she is beautiful, she isn't going to take it as seriously. If you giver her a compliment out of the blue, like "wow, you are beautiful" than it is much more effective. Just make sure you come off as sincere. Try to make her a comfortable as possible during your sexual encounters and be patient. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 she's scared of enjoying herself too much. . Has her upbringing been religious or has she been abused in some way? She's going to need to be willing to put some work in on changing this. Compliments ect won't touch the issue. Link to comment
guidedbylights Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 Thanks for the replies...she's not religious in any way and nor is her family, and as to my knowledge she hasn't been abused. The problem is that her elder sister has treated her like crap since she was 12, telling her she's ugly,fat,stupid etc, when none of this is true. I could go on for many pages talking about the sorts of thing's she's done to her, but I was hoping maybe if I got her to relax when she have sex, then maybe her confidence would grow when she realises I don't find her disgusting, and obviously like other men with their partners I'd love to see her orgasm Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Dump her. Her esteem issues are her business and no amount of you propping her up is going to make any difference, because, after two years, it has made no difference. Lovingly, gently, but with respect dump her. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Thanks for the replies...she's not religious in any way and nor is her family, and as to my knowledge she hasn't been abused. The problem is that her elder sister has treated her like crap since she was 12, telling her she's ugly,fat,stupid etc, when none of this is true. I could go on for many pages talking about the sorts of thing's she's done to her, but I was hoping maybe if I got her to relax when she have sex, then maybe her confidence would grow when she realises I don't find her disgusting, and obviously like other men with their partners I'd love to see her orgasm Seriously, that is not how it works. She needs to really address these body issues, on her own and thoroughly. Link to comment
Speranza Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 I was hoping maybe if I got her to relax when she have sex, then maybe her confidence would grow when she realises I don't find her disgusting, and obviously like other men with their partners I'd love to see her orgasm And exactly how long have you been hoping this now? Out of interest, what's in this for you emotionally? I mean, are you really okay after two years of this, looking ahead to years more? Cos if it's the old 'I love her' reply then it would be good to take a look at why you find someone so unresponsive to be the one you want to be with... Link to comment
Scaphe Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 A lot of people encounter this state of mind during sex, but that doesn't mean there is nothing you can do about it. Try complimenting her body honestly and sincerely. It doesn't hurt to let her know exactly what it is about her that you find attractive and arousing. It doesn't hurt to let her know that you want to see her, and that you already are extremely attracted to her. As they say, flattery rarely fails, especially when it's honest. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 A lot of people encounter this state of mind during sex, but that doesn't mean there is nothing you can do about it. Try complimenting her body honestly and sincerely. It doesn't hurt to let her know exactly what it is about her that you find attractive and arousing. It doesn't hurt to let her know that you want to see her, and that you already are extremely attracted to her. As they say, flattery rarely fails, especially when it's honest. Okay, I'm really going to have to disagree here. If her self-image is damaged, there is absolutely nothing he can do to fix that for her. She has to fix that for herself. She could be the most ravishingly beautiful woman on Earth, but if she thinks she's ugly, no amount of praise is going to change that little voice inside her that tells her how unappealing she is. If she doesn't want to change and grow, then he needs to leave and find a girl who actually likes herself. Link to comment
ConfusedKitty Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Okay, I'm really going to have to disagree here. If her self-image is damaged, there is absolutely nothing he can do to fix that for her. She has to fix that for herself. She could be the most ravishingly beautiful woman on Earth, but if she thinks she's ugly, no amount of praise is going to change that little voice inside her that tells her how unappealing she is. If she doesn't want to change and grow, then he needs to leave and find a girl who actually likes herself. Sorry I don't think dumping someone over this is the best action. It may make things worse for her and maybe, just maybe, he's thinking about her feelings instead of being selfish. Thanks for the replies...she's not religious in any way and nor is her family, and as to my knowledge she hasn't been abused. The problem is that her elder sister has treated her like crap since she was 12, telling her she's ugly,fat,stupid etc, when none of this is true. I could go on for many pages talking about the sorts of thing's she's done to her, but I was hoping maybe if I got her to relax when she have sex, then maybe her confidence would grow when she realises I don't find her disgusting, and obviously like other men with their partners I'd love to see her orgasm Considering this part here, it's going to take a while for her to really open up. Imo, if OP is willing to stay with her for 2 years, he should think if he is willing to stay with her while she maybe seeks some support about this. Having never been a 19 year old woman I'm pretty sure you don't know how bad it is for us out there, but, after some support and maybe talking to a professional, she will turn things around and slowly feel better about herself. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 8, 2009 Share Posted October 8, 2009 Sorry I don't think dumping someone over this is the best action. It may make things worse for her and maybe, just maybe, he's thinking about her feelings instead of being selfish. And after two years of dealing with her, he's entitled to be selfish. You have to be a functioning equal in a relationship. If she wants to remain broken, that's her business. But it's also her responsibility as... a human being his girlfriend ...to make sure she's bringing her A game to the table. She isn't, and after two years, she has no reason to now since he loves her and is "hooked". He is not selfish because he wants to enjoy sex with his girlfriend without her freaking out and shutting down. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.