This one is serious!

[BigSyke]

Hi this is my first time posting, and im in some big big trouble....I have found the girl of my dreams about a year and a half ago and I knew i loved her when i saw her. Basically She knew it too and initiated almost everything. We were like no other couple in the world and spent literally almost everyminute togeather (exept for work) for a year or so in love, and never bored. She would say she was sooo in love with me almost every hour and she lost all of her friends just so she could be with me even more. This girl is the most perfect girl ive ever met, and ive met alot of girls out there, none of them, even if they were more pretty then her, could top her because her personality and how we connected.

 

When we first started this intense relationship, i was not as attached as she was for the first week or so, then i saw that nobody in my life has ever treated me so well and ive never really been loved and i then made her the center of my world. She still was used to the single life and went out with her friends from time to time. He had it all, we would sit there for hours and hours telling eachother what was so perfect about us, she was one of the most beautiful girls ive ever met. I had somthing that could never be replaced. Well time went on I was whipped by her, she would go out and drink and i would sit at home and cry when i found out she was the only girl out of 10 guys getting drunk and she would get pissed and hang up and turn the phone off. She would take the "Lable" off for a week at some points. One weekend she came to my work, removed the label and left for the weekend, and i heard from her friends she was meeting a guy up there, and that she was also dating a guy from her school. I then was destroyed when she did that, left work and the next night i found some other girl that i thought to be better, she kissed me and my girlfriend found out and tripped. But the funny thing is my girlfriend fought for her life to get me back because i was soo angry that she took the label off adn i heard that stuff.

 

I also heard about guys going after her like hard core, but it still didnt fade her, the relationship was PERFECT. until about 5 months into it, she decided to get soem space, and for a month i was in soo much misery i almost ended my life. I stated hanging out with other girls at the end of the month, and on our 6 month aniversary seh decided to hang out with her friends instaid.

 

She then fought for me back at the end of that and from then on im telling you, she was at my feet everyday, i was the center of her universe, 2 times a day she would visit me at work because she missed me so much. She was obsessed with me and in love with me to the max. I then took advantage of that and put other things in front of her because she proposed to me adn said we would be togeather forever. Towards a year or so i really was messin up, treated her way wrong, went out with othergirls, she would beg me to stay at her house, but i would leave really early to chill with my friends, BIG MISTAKE. I made her cry way to many times and she tried to kill herself almost every week. I had to visit her in the hospital over fights that we had. I was the most stubborn person ive ever met and i cant believe i would do that kind of stuff to another person. Ive never touched her in a wrong way, but she claims the relationship was an abusive (verbal), that may be so, but she had issues that were pretty bad aswell

 

She was very very suisidal, if i had a number lying around in my bedroom, i better watch out, i cant look at other girls on TV and things like that. Well honestly i loved being controled like that, she was the most perfect girl ive ever met

 

A couple weeks ago, she totaled her car cause of a fight we got into, that night she said she was sorry and she still wanted to marry me and she loved me more than anything, and she said that over and over again, i left early that night for some dumbass reason, and this Black guy was downstairs, the guy i heard about all the time from her. I didnt think too much and left.

 

Next day i called and she said call in a year or so, i was crushed begged and begged and no dice. Few days later i heard she was with the guy the last night i saw her and they started dating right away and haveing sex, i called her up she said never talk to me again and i begged to talk as friends. I loved her soo much that i dont care what seh did i NEED her back. Ive never felt the misery ive felt before in my life and im a better person for it i need some wisdom

 

Im not gonna just let the girl god made for me walk out like this. 15 minutes after she said she loved me, she had no feelings for me. I tried the no contact, and she really could care less, she did talk to me once on the internet adn said she was soo inlove with this black guy, and that i should find myslef another girl. and she could care less to see me ever again and that all the times i treated her bad have built up.

 

Ive never regretted anything in my life soo bad, ive learned and now i need one more chance with her. I did no contact and now shes trying to get all of her stuff back so i can be out of her life for good. We are soul mates and i messed it up, i need another chance to treat her the way i should have. nobody ive talked to has ever heard of a situation like mine adn they even knew my girlfriend and was very very very surprised, shes a one man girl who would die for her man. I need some help.

 

 

Also the guy shes with cant drive, and now she cant either, so they walk like 10-15 miles to eachothers houses, he cant really speak english and i heard from his buddys that all he wants from her is sex and if he gets it, he will treat her right, and hes done this to many other girls. Hes been trying to break us up for a year now, i need some help please thank you

[DragonGirl724]

ummmm wow! the life you guys lead are all about extremeities. i wouldnt worry about getting her back right now. you seem to be verrrry emotionally & mentally unstable. i think you should use this time to maybe look into getting some help for yourself. i think your ex needs help as well. depression is verrry serious & breakups are considred traumas & your body & mind go out of control when its serious. and i think you need to look into helping yourself. this sint worth losing your life over. i wish i had the professional advice you need but all i can say is. suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem...it doesnt balance out & im sure this girl isnt the only person in the world who cared about you. you have too much to live for. this girl probably isnt the one for you despite that immediate bond you too might have shared. this is an intense situation & needs to be addressed ASAP. i hope you take heed to my advice & get the emotional & mental support that you need. the mind & the body coincide and that is called psychosomatic behavior & the means the body will react to the mind and vice versa. and in order to not break down & do something drastic you must get some help. maybe someone on this forum can be the one to advise you but i would seriously look into getting some kind of counseling. i feel your pain & ill pray for you take care of yourself & God Bless...

 

-DG724

[Mix Maxster]

Wow man that is so damn intense there was a couple times when I had to go Not in a bad way or anything, but wow it sounds like she is just off the wall with her feelings. To be honest she's doing a couple things, either a) intentionally pushing you away so she doesn't have to think of you anymore, b) is just trying to hurt you back, c) is unsure of what she wants and so she just doesn't care what she does, or d) has really moved on and is just hoping you could do the same. I honestly don't think it's the last one, but then again I do not know. From what it sounds like this girl has a history with you for getting into fights that lead no where. Kind of sounds like me and my ex actually, she actually approached me and we instantly clicked. At this point I broke up with her for my own reasons, but that's not important here. You need to calm down and figure yourself out and your needs and why you need this girl or want this girl. Go over in your head why it is that she is "the one". Once you separate dependence from "the one" to independence from them you will see that you can truly live without them, but that having them there makes the most sense. Relationships are REALLY damn well confusing and frustrating, but you also have to see why it is you want to have one with her. Is it for sex? is it so you don't wake up alone? is it so you can have someone to hug and hold? I would suggest thinking of all these things and really understand your reasons for wanting her after all of this. Are you afraid that you will never find another true love like her? Or are you more afraid that you could very much forget about her and begin to wonder what "the one" will feel like since she felt like the one.

 

You have nothing but time now and once you accept what it is you are really looking for and have gone over all the reasons why she is the one, then all you can do is wait for her to come around IF she comes around. You must also have a failsafe plan, if it's obvious that she will never change then just leave it be and find someone else. If there was something she didn't like about the relationship that you had control over, go over that and understand the reasons of if it's important to fix that about yourself or if it really wasn't that big. I hope this advice helps, just be true to yourself and respect your own feelings or you will never be able to let it go.

[mahlina]

I know this might sound outrageously weird, but she sounds similar to me. However, I don't go out and drink and get drunk with my friends. I think I might know how she feels. Our situation is extremely similar! I met my ex about a year ago. Same thing happned. Drama. Numbers. Suicide. Overdosing on pills, etc. It was sheer drama! Just like what you went through!

 

What I can tell you is, I don't think that she and this guy will work out. She's obviously rebounding. And the part where she tells you to find some other chick, I think that she's probably just saying that out of hurt and anger. I really don't think that she's taking out her problems constructively! If she really felt that bond for you, then she wouldn't wan to jeopardize anything with you. So, in other words, she's completely 'out of control' with her life right now. She's choosing to go with some other guy, who she thinks, will take away her pain and frustrations!

 

Well guess what? I think that she'll run into the same EXACT problems! I was like that with my ex! We had that bond, and it was a really unique relationship, one that I've never encountered in my whole life. Although I don't know her personally, I feel as though, perhaps, we might be going through the same feelings. I think that she still loves you, but is just completely 'not there,' so to speak. She's heartbroken, distraught, and lost. I think that she's in complete turmoil.

[DragonGirl724]

i have a feeling i could be wrong, but i think maybe youre scared of being alone & scared of her being w/ someone else. but honestly the fact that she is so emotionally distressed when you 2 fight isnt healthy. you both are putting your lives at stake this is a exteme case & yeah had me going too. youre both dealing with diagnosed depression, its different than being depressed over a breakup. the breakup just intensifies it to another level! its not something thats easy to cope with, like every breakup but when you have a history of depression its magnified a million times. its a chemical inbalance in the brain. i seriously cant stress it enough that you 2 get some help. good luck & God Bless

 

-DG724

[mahlina]

P.S. I really think that she should seek counseling. Like you said, she would die for her man. I did the same, except, now I realize that it was stupid of me to do that. Right now, I'm trying to work things out on my own, without 'rebounding.' I think the best thing that you can do for her right now, is to tell her to seek out counseling, and make sure that she does so, so that she doesn't resort to killing herself again. When a person is serious about suicide, they will go to the extremes to make sure that they do end their lives! I got lucky that my car didn't get totaled! I'm surprised, because, I was soooo depressed during that time, that I would fall asleep on the road. That's how depressed I was!

 

So, my best advice to you, is to 'wake her up'! Something's not right. She needs to seek out help, constructively! Her actions in drinking, and meeting new guys, are telling me that she's COMPLETELY running away from her problems (whatever it may be.) This is a serious issue!

 

So, if you can resolve things with her, push her to seek out help, she will appreciate it. In fact, it might even give your relationship true definition to 'real love.' Working issues with your loved ones, will deepen that bond even further. I'm choosing not to contact my ex. I think that's the best thing for me right now.

 

If you care for her

1. Push her to seek out help.

2. Let her know that you're willing to be there for her

3. Then give her some space to let her 'regain' herself again, however, let her know that the relationship with the new guy, is not probably the 'best decision right now.'

 

I think that it's good that you realize what you do, but it's time that she wakes up, and realizes that her life is a 'mess,' and that she needs to face certain matters, before things go downhill for her. I really hope that this advice helps. I'm sure that if you express this to her, she will trust you more, and thereforeeee, see that you truly care!

 

Good LucK!

Mahlina

[DragonGirl724]

i think you need to work on yourself first. and once u have your mind in the right direction you can inform her of all you learned & how you grew shed admire you for that. BUT DONT GET HELP JUST IN HOPES TO GET HER BACK!! GET HELP TO HELP YOURSELF!

[mahlina]

Yeah, I agree with Dragon Girl...Don't help her in hopes to get back. Do so, as a 'caring' and trusted friend. That's what the world's lacking a lot of the times, people who actually care! There are too many apathetic individuals nowadays, that it makes me sick!

[laurag78]

I agree with them you really need to get some counseling. Both of u seem to be really confused about what you want. By the way you describe it, the relationship did not sound perfect at all. It looks like a really destructive relationship that you should not want to be in. You need some one to help you, not drag you down emotionally. I think you guys breaking up was for the best. You may not realize it now, but you will someday. Good luck!

[mahlina]

Laurag78, that's sooo true! Come to think about it, when relationships have to go that far, it's just a sign that the relationship is completely 'unhealthy.'

[sweetharmony]

I ahven't read any of the responses, so if i repeat anything, sorry. She sounds like she has borderline personality disorder. I have no right to diagnose, but she needs professional counseling. it usually affects women, b ut in some cases men too. They often form codependent relatioships with others. very intense at the beginning and then pull away. they begine fights over meaningless things to get attention. when they have their love affection, they push away and then freak out if they can't have that person. it's like "i can't live with or without you- literally" borderlines are suicidal and manipulative- ver commitment-phobic, needy when they can't have you and visa versa. sorry, this is very unstable and not healthy. i say get out. you are going to go crazy yourself from this type of relationship. it's a drug for both of you. it's really intense at first and then once you become tolerated, those intense feelings of "love" are no longer as intense. so to get that intensity back, she pulls away and causes drama to recreate that intensity that has subsided. Love shouldn't be obsessive like that. sounds liek there could be some fatal attraction. pardon the use of words.

[mahlina]

I must agree with sweetharmony, but in other cases, it has a lot to do with 'past' emotional issues. Perhaps, she's a survivor of rape, child molestation, sexual abuse, or domestic violence etc. A lot of the times, 'survivors,' usually end up being 'healthy'. In otherwords, they do not have personality disorders, but a lot of built up emotions. thereforeeee, they are more receptive to commiting suicide, because they're tired of their emotions. They're tired of getting hurt, in general. They're perfectly normal, but just feel at lost with the world, due to their trauma. So, it really depends....

 

I know, this might seem a little off topic for now, but the point is, like Laura78 mentioned earlier, a relationship like yours, is a sign that the relationship is too 'unhealthy' for now. So, the best thing to do, is to mend yourselves first, before pursuing anything else serious in your lives. Best of luck to the both of you guys.

 

Sincerely,

Mahlina

[DragonGirl724]

yea i have a friend going thru just that right now she was molested at a younger age & then survived a rape last year she just got out of a mental hospital w/ bi polar syndrome. she has a lot if the same similar things, and she was suicidal. shes doin much better w/ medication & counseling. not to mention was into heavyyy drug use like coke & acid & drank a lot. mostly red wines.

[Hannibal]

WOW!

Strangley enough this all fits into my ex, she was raped less then a year ago and started the relationship really intensly and then backed off for another guy. She has been really depressed lately and cutting herself again.

 

I want to help her but she seems to be running from me most of all.

[BigSyke]

hey sorry i babbled, i really dont have depression issues and am getting along pretty well i think. I admit at first i was torn up by the fact that she left me for another guy who has to walk to her house, and she has to do the same. but its the fact that i am very good looking, and this guy is the ugliest of his kind, it made me feel pretty low, further when i found out he cant really speak english. I would never harm myself over her or any person honestly, i did feel like my life was over and the future is dim, but alot of my friends who are going through the same thing (all because of the SAME GUY!) said that their lives feel torn up. My best friends girl of a couple years took off with this guy, and now my chick dips off with him. Its some love triange pentagon stuff going on.

 

To the real point, she did say that she had eating disorders before me, and she blamed her depression on me and how i treated her. Yea i did treat her wrong at scarce times, but i did treat her better than most men will at any time. Sorry i think i stretched soem of the negatives a little i was in a hurry at posting. She did get help durring our relationship and was diagnosed with bi-polar and a sever depression. I wasnt depressed in the relationship and it was flawless from our 7 month aniversary to about a year adn a half (no fights both mad in love, always by my side) then i started putting some stupid stuff in front of her, that i regret horribly now,

 

she dropped out of school for me even tho i told her not to, just so she could be with me more, adn i dotn think that was right to do, she dropped all of her friends for me, and they all hate me now because of that even though its not my fault, her decision and i told her to hang out with them often, adn that affected teh outcome. They told her to go for this guy (first draft MN athlete bla bla bla)

 

Yea i had soem issues that i now worked out, and i found out that being that person wasnt worth the price i paid. Im not scared of not finding anybody else ive been dating alot of women but its just not the same.

 

I can live without her, but my future with her could have been very very bright, she seemed to be a very very loyal girl and ive never really met a loyal girl before, or one with a personality like hers. I have gone through tons of relationships in the past and breaking up was just part of life but this one Was meant to be, she said it every day adn i agreed. Most of the fights we had were either because of somthing i did, and i was so stubborn about it, or a slight communication problem. Most of the stuff she did that was wrong was towards the start of the relationship until she realized i was the one for her, then i was the one making the mistakes.

 

She wont let me fight for her, even tho she said in the past, if this ever happens, fight for me. She said it was over for good, were better people apart, things wouldve never worked out, you werent the right one for me, this black dude is. She said all the things i did built up adn if i never did that stuff we would be togeather, simply put i need to undo all the things i did somehow adn make her realize that she doesnt have a future with this guy who cant drive, wont work, cant speak english, does drugs, probably will pimp slap the bitch when she does the same thigns to him, and cheats on her. Shes worth more than that, a beautiful A class girl with a broke class black dude who bluffed his way in. I even offered her a ride in my new benz to give her all the things she wanted back, and she said no my boyfriend will bike over there. Its like paris hilton with gary colman, or lil bow wow back in the day.

 

She said that this guy is a god and they are madly in love after what, 2 weeks. If you knew this girl like i did, shes not this type of girl, she doesnt do these things, shes a good christian girl who believes in the ways of god, but now shes messin up and i told her you can only have one god. she puts this guy over everything now.

 

I would really want to spend the rest of my life with this girl because her issues really dont bother me, everybodys got em. She claims that her suisidal attempts were because of me and that she doesnt get them anymore or any depression. I did make mistakes i changed for myself so i would be a better man in life ahead, but this girl was my best friend always. I saved her life multiple times and she saved mine by coming into it. I really think even after all she did to me, were life partners. Even after all she did to me, any girl i would have cussed out and broke contact 4 life, but shes different and i still love her. Im soo used to just being like "come here baby its ok im sorry" or somthing and then everythings fine and dandy because shes my baby girl, we would talk things out and reach an understanding. But it didnt work and she said this time you have no more chances youve used them all. I wanted to talk in person because it all happened so fast and if she would have saw me, she would have never had let me go. I just dont understand how in 15 minutes you can switch like that. Never would i think she would ever leave me ever, this was a surprise i thought i would have been the one to leave her.

 

I have talked to her since we broke up on the internet and i did snap at one point and thats when all hell broke lose. I did aplogised and she did to and shes now trying to set up a metting to exchange all of our stuff back. I dont really want to because i think thats the only reason she still talks to me. I told her she can keep all the stuff i got her, but she said she doesnt want any useless crap in her room.

 

I did notice a change about a month before we slit, she was more mean than usuall, never wanted to have sex, never begged me to stay and would be quick to accuse me. I never helped the situation because i never thought we would end.

 

I made a grip load of mistakes but i really want her back with me her real guy. Im glad we split it gave me room for improvement and to find myself, but i need another chance i feel shes the one for me.

[sweetharmony]

hey there, i can understand how much you love this girl, and I cannot claim to say whether it's real or not. love is love. But please take off the rose-colored glasses for a minute. You say this girl is a god-loving christian and that she would never just fall for someone so quickly. Well, she did. at least twice. She sounds like she's in love w/ the idea of being in love- for the intense adrenaline rush that you get at the beginning stages. I don't think she really understands the true term. I can understand that you love her and want to be there with her, but the only thing you can do right now is just be a friend and try and help her through her issues- and only if she wants you to. It seems lke there is no reasoning with her right now and no matter what you do, you'll only push her farther into this guys's arms. He's new for her and she probably is "drunk" or "drugged" with its newness. She ran from you b/c the drugged feeling wore off. This kind of behavior is obvious in her drug use too. She will come back to you- I pretty much can sense it- from knowing people with this behavior (even I have experienced this before- not to this extent, but I undertsnad the "in love with the idea thing"). But beware- the push/pull cycle will continue. People with manic depression have a serious problem. the levels are somewhat different, but she sounds like she has it pretty serious. I know you want to be there for her and make her realize that this new uy is a big mistake- but she has to realize it herself. Trust me on this on. She will eventually realize it. the "drug" (him) will wear off. and she'll start pulling the same crap. but maybe he won't be fooled and won't stand for this type of unhealthy behavior.

 

the only thing I can say is try and be her friend and tell her you'll be there when she needs you, but don't fight for her. Let her come to you. I wish you luck and I hope she gets the help she needs.