i'm extremely jealous ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY

[marguerite]

I really need some help. I am extremely jealous and i dont know how to deal with this. I'm afraid of this feeling because I just moved in with my boyfriend and only 2 months after I cant stop thinking that he is cheating on me or just thinking on how to cheat on me. I think i have a self esteem problem, trust problem and i am very possessive.

 

It's kind of a long story. I never met my father because he left when he knew that my mom was pregnant. I grew up "normaly", my mother never hide this truth to me and ever since I was in the age to understand I started telling me that it was not my fault but I really think I have some serious issues about this. I have had several relationships but they all ended up abruptly and I dont know why? Sometimes I think I get to serious about the relationship I am on and i end up scaring the other person. I had a serious and long relationship that was not very healthy. By this, I mean I spent about 4 years with someone who did nothing else but to cheat on me and to mistreat me. I never had the courage to break up with him and it all ended because he got another girl pregnant so I had not much of a choice. I mean it was not me who finally made the decision.

 

After some short term relationships I met a really special guy. I dont live in my country right now, so we have not the same nationality. We dated for a couple of months and we had some really special moments even if we didnt live in the same city. 3 months ago I moved to his city and we've been living together, everything went find until the day I found some sexy girl photo on his computer. He said it was an old girlfriend but I know she is a girl he met online and he had sex with her. I felt very upset about this even if it happened in the past. Then another day, i found lots of porno sites on the viewed-sites list on the computer. I know that is kind of normal but I cant help getting upset. We talked and he promised he was not seeing anyone else. I know it's true, but i cant stop checking his phone call list or checking on the computer to see if he has been chating with someone or going on porno sites. We dont have sex as we used to do, I feel he is distant and I dont feel happy. Besides i dont have any friends in this country. I also get very jealous when he talks to other girls, I dont want any woman to come close to him. It's crazy!! I dont know what to do! I feel miserable!

 

He knows nothing about all of this. I am afraid to show him how jealous I am, i dont want to scare him and I am afraid about this relationship not working because I decided not to go back to my country in order to move with him. Well, I go to school here but if it doesnt work I'll have to go back home because I cant afford being here by myself. I am not dating him in order to stay in this country, I do have strong feeling for him but I cant help thinking that if he cheats on me or he gets tired, then I'll have to go back home and give up my career. i kind of depend on him, economically speaking and psychologically speaking.

[spinstermanquee]

Wow that is a tough situation, I am sorry for your pain.

 

Have you talked to him about the pictures on the computer? Did you check the dates? (right click/properties) Do you have any sense he is telling the truth about being old pictures?

 

What are your ages and do you think he is ready to "settle down?"

 

Just asking a few questions to clarify. Bless you both!

 

sm

[marguerite]

thanks for your interest on my situation. Actually, I did talk to him and of course I checked on the dates and they are old pics. I am 25 and he is 32! I dont know if he is ready to settle down, I know he's already lived with a girl before and it didnt work. Sometimes I tell my self that he is really putting a lot of him in order to settle down with me, we've painted a new appartament, got furniture for it, etc but some other times I think he just doesnt have a choice, if we dont live together I cant afford being here and I'll have to go back home. So I dont know! It feels good talking about it! Thanks again

[hexaemeron]

thanks for your interest on my situation. Actually, I did talk to him and of course I checked on the dates and they are old pics. I am 25 and he is 32! I dont know if he is ready to settle down, I know he's already lived with a girl before and it didnt work. Sometimes I tell my self that he is really putting a lot of him in order to settle down with me, we've painted a new appartament, got furniture for it, etc but some other times I think he just doesnt have a choice, if we dont live together I cant afford being here and I'll have to go back home. So I dont know! It feels good talking about it! Thanks again

 

Of course he has a choice. If he didn't want you to be there, you wouldn't be there. There's no gun to his head. If the guy's going right by you, stop punishing him and yourself. Because if you punish someone for doing the right things, why the hell would he want to be a good guy?