mouton Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 My girlfriend is 20, I'm 29. She's not a very affectionate person because of a traumatized past. She's opening up slowly with me though, so that's good. Well, she asked me this great question today: "How do I get horny?" She's told me in the past that she doesn't know how to get horny and never has been. We have great sex, but after today I've realized that it just must be great on my end. I asked her what her favorite part about sex was and she said it was when I cum because she's happy that she satisfied me. Talk about feeling like a selfish butthead! So how do I answer her question? I don't know what to say! Link to comment
hers Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 get her talking more about it. does she like sounds you make? any sorts of specific movements? what does she want you to do to her? get her talking mroe about it and see if that will open her up more. Link to comment
mouton Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 get her talking more about it. does she like sounds you make? any sorts of specific movements? what does she want you to do to her? get her talking mroe about it and see if that will open her up more. actually, i've asked her if she likes it when i do certain things and she says she doesn't know. i've asked what she would like done to her in bed, she says she doesn't know. sad thing is, she's dead serious, she just doesn't know because she's not very experienced. it's like a big guessing game. ](*,) Link to comment
hers Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 hm, can you maybe do something to her and stop in the middle and ask if it feels good? is there anything that feels bad to her? like that she doesn't like? does she masturbate? experience or no, you know what feels good. it seems like she's scared to open up? Link to comment
mouton Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 hm, can you maybe do something to her and stop in the middle and ask if it feels good? is there anything that feels bad to her? like that she doesn't like? does she masturbate? experience or no, you know what feels good. it seems like she's scared to open up? yea, i see what you're saying. during sex i'll ask her if something feels good or not and she'll say yes. we went to a sex toy shop about 2 months ago and i bought her a vibrator. i think she's used it maybe twice. I told her to use it more often to figure out what she likes. i want to please her too and i feel horrible now knowing that i haven't. Link to comment
hers Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 try getting her to explore herself with her hands first...no vibrator. she needs to learn to touch herself in a way taht feels good to her, since she can control the pressure, feeling, etc of it. vibrators are often very overwhelming in their power--i know mine makes my eyes water sometimes and that's neither good nor bad! talk to her about masturbating without the vibrator so she can learn what her vagina feels like and what her clit actually likes. Link to comment
blueeyedme Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 ...well, I would say wait until she grows up. Sorry, but there is a BIG difference between a 29 year old man and a 20 year old kid. Link to comment
forgiving Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 don't feel bad that you are not pleasing her. She sounds serious that she really does not know what she likes. I would not blame her response on a traumatized childhood, rather that she literally just does not know. If she is trying to please you through her sexual response, and does not care about her own response, then that is kind of a red flag. However it could just be immaturity on her part, she is awfully young. Link to comment
shera Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 My girlfriend is 20, I'm 29. She's not a very affectionate person because of a traumatized past. She's opening up slowly with me though, so that's good. Well, she asked me this great question today: "How do I get horny?" She's told me in the past that she doesn't know how to get horny and never has been. We have great sex, but after today I've realized that it just must be great on my end. I asked her what her favorite part about sex was and she said it was when I cum because she's happy that she satisfied me. Talk about feeling like a selfish butthead! So how do I answer her question? I don't know what to say! I don't know if you can answer that for her. It's hard if she has had sexual abuse in her past (which is what I assumed from what you have said) Have you asked her what she would define sexiness as? what turns her on? what makes her tingle? or how about what would make her feel safe enough to try to enjoy it fully... Link to comment
mouton Posted September 24, 2009 Author Share Posted September 24, 2009 Nah, it's not sexual abuse. I think she hates the fact that growing up she was always being pursued by sleazy guys who just wanted sex and it grossed her out. She's very attractive and turns every head when we walk into a room. It sounds silly, but I think that has a lot to do with it, and also maturity may have a thing to do with it as well. Link to comment
IJR Posted September 24, 2009 Share Posted September 24, 2009 ask her more questions. find out more about what she likes and talk openly about it. She obviously wants you to know. She wants to get things right if she asked you that. you'll get to where you need to be. just dont try to push anything on her. Link to comment
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