boyfriend says " he needs space-but don't take it personally" how should i take this?

[JayRo]

Here is some background information before I explain my situation: My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, living together for 6 months, i'm going to be 23, he is 21.

 

We have a great relationships, we are best friends, but ofcourse we go through our ups an downs now and then. We talk about future plans together (marriage, kids, etc) and our families get along great. He is the kind of person that can not let his emotions show and pretend as if "he doesn't care." While I would rather talk about my emotions and work things out. Men vs. women-as always.

 

Well...

 

A few days ago, we went to his fathers house for a party, and for the first time I went along. I ususally never go because they play cards, watch sports, do "men" things I never want to do and plus I want him to have that separate time away from me. He always told me there were sometimes girls there, but no big deal. So this time I decided to go. We had a great time at dinner, and then made our way to his dads house. Everyone there was so happy to see me because they havent seen me in a while. He introduced me to the few friends that were there and we carried on with the night.

 

One of his friends left and came back with his female cousin. She came in, hugged everyone, including my boyfriend, and he introduced her to me as his girlfriend, etc etc. As the night carried on I felt a little uncomfortable about the girl because I didnt know her or understand who or what she was there for? Which could be insecurities on my part, so I questioned him about it. He said she was his friends cousin, he met her once before a few weeks ago when he was there, she was nice and that was it. I overreacted and continued probing about who this girl was. He said "wow, i can't believe after 3 years you are making this a big deal and making assumptions-give me some credit." I let it go. Hours later I was bored and ready to go home. He asked me If I was having a good time and If I was comfortable and we could leave whenever I wanted to. I told him I was fine, keep playing cards and we could leave soon. We left still arguing about the stupid situation-which actually turned out to be nothing.

 

Few days later, he tells me he was having a horrible day at work. When he gets home he says "I just need to get away from everything, I need space."

I react as "Oh really? Like from me?" He says "no, why do you always take things personally-I dont mean you-I just mean everything."

 

How am I supposed to take that? I don't wanna be the annoying girlfriend so I have fallen back a bit. I went to my parents for the night. Am I just overreacting and just need to give him breathing room??? Help! Thanks!!!!!!

[Speranza]

Erm - it sounds like you had PMS...

 

He's overwhelmed with stuff at the moment. He needs space. Just like he said.

 

If you jump in and try to make everything personal, he WILL need space. From you.

 

I think you were overreacting but with 3 years behind you I expect it'll be fine. Just cut the guy some slack! He was probably a bit shocked by your reaction to his friend's cousin, and it was a bit of a new situation with you 'invading' (by request) his guy territory, perhaps he overreached his comfort zone.

 

He needs space!!!

[JayRo]

Thank you!! I think your totally right I just needed an outside opinion. Anyone else got insight?

[mca1975]

Well he introduced you as his girlfriend. I can understand you feeling a bit insecure but I don't think he deserved you to question/accuse him so much.

 

If that was me, I would have probably felt a bit insecure aswell but I would have probably just said to my BF that I felt a bit insecure and then shrugged it off.

 

Anyway, give him his space, he will love you for it. Don't question it. If you refuse to give someone space or argue about it, they will only want more of it.

[guitargirl1607308056]

I've learned over time that guys will usually tell you exactly what they want/need. WE are generally the ones to beat around the bush and use "signals" and make them read between the lines.

 

What I see is that he's under a bit of stress that's coming at him from all angles. He needs to step back from it and clear his head. I know it SOUNDS ominious, but look at it from this point of view: it's better that he says, "I need to back off from life and cool down a bit" than "I can't handle this. I'm leaving you, I'm quitting my job, I'm moving out of the country, etc. etc."

 

Just give him some wiggle room (and as hard as it is sometimes, keep the unprovoked insecurites locked away tightly) and I'm confident that he'll be back to his old self.

[JayRo]

thank you so much everyone, I gave him a few days of space and we talked about everything---doing much better!