Advice needed - just broken up with my first love

[shady_blue]

I realise there is already a thread with this title but i wasn't sure how to put it there, so please move if in the wrong place.

 

4 days ago my girlfriend of 10 months, my first proper girlfriend and also the first person i loved broke up with me out of the blue. She wants to be friends. I do too, but i want her back more.

 

She told me that she loved me, but was not in love with me anymore. I was pretty distraught and broke down in front of her for the first couple of days. I know this is bad and not going to get her back. Since then i have not let her see that i am down and tried to act normal again, even though inside i am in turmoil.

 

I have talked to so many people and they all say that time is a healer and that i will get over it. But i don't want to. I want her back, and every time i get a little more optimistic i come crashing down.

 

It's been the worst time of my life and it still is. The hard part is that I want her back, i see her all the time because she does my course at uni, i desperately want to spend time with her but at the same time know it makes it harder. Many people have told me that if i act cool around her, maybe talk to other girls and show her i'm over her, she might just think that she still has feelings for me. Today when i did this i noticed that she was trying to talk to me more - is this me clutching at straws? Maybe she just feels more comfortable around me because she thinks i am taking it well.

 

I need advice on how to go from here - i am going out tonight with her and all my friends and i can't help but think that if i act cool and chat to other girls she is going to realise and tell me she has changed her mind. I KNOW that this is false hope but i can't stop it rising up in me.

 

so where do i go. i want to feel happy but i don't want to get over her because i want her back. I feel like im going in circles.

 

Just wanted some advice from people that were may be feeling the same things as me. I am completely gutted by this.

 

sorry for the long story.

[thetruth]

i am in a very similar position. The girl lied and hurt me badly, but still I wanted her back. I told her through everything, through feeling like crap i still didn't want to get over her - because thinking of her made me happy - even after the lies, etc.

 

the thing is ... it didn't make a difference. it doesn't matter what i want - she would keep it casual and non-exclusive ... but i can't do that. so the only option left is nothing. there is nothing you can do about it, except to accept it, and try to forget about her.

 

10 months is a long time, 4 days is a short time - you have to be prepared for it to get worse before it gets better. the thing to remind yourself of is it's for your own good - staying stuck on her when she won't reciprocate is only going to ruin you , and you don't want that.

[shady_blue]

Thanks I just want to ask, to people on this forum, can a girl fall out of love with you and then fall back in love with you.

 

Is that possible?

[thetruth]

Thanks I just want to ask, to people on this forum, can a girl fall out of love with you and then fall back in love with you.

 

Is that possible?

 

anything is possible - i could simultaneously be in two places at once ... it's possible.

 

the odds are astronomically stacked against both. wanting to be friends, love but not in love, those are niceties. she is over you and you have to do the same.

being friends is a bad idea as well - because you won't be friends. it'll be you wanting more , and her not. that's not healthy, and very awkward.

 

either way your best bet is to get your head up and try your damnedest to move on and forget her. it will help you get over her, or it will be your ONLY chance at getting her back, and i mean only. you show her you can move on and then , if she still has feelings, she may feel comfortable reigniting. but you staying stuck on her will only hurt.

[leq]

Yes its entirely possible mate, but then again, like thetruth has said, anything is.

 

Get over her first and formost and be positive and happy. Just do it. Trust me you will wish you had if you look back in a month or two and you havnt.

 

Good luck

[shady_blue]

ok it has been another day

 

got through today without crying.

 

we didnt go out last night, but she came over to mine and we watched a film together. We had a chat where i told her i was fine and over it, and she felt a lot better about everything, she said.

 

i don't. and i won't be doing that again. it makes it worse.

 

gonna try and go no contact with her for a few days and see if that helps. she'll still be there once im better.

 

at least now i want the feelings i have for her to go away.