3 weeks NC we run into each other / ANGER!?!

[abnyc]

ok so my ex broke up with me exactly a month ago.

 

it was abrupt and out of the blue and i was really shocked and hurt.

 

i have not texted/emailed/called/gchatted nothing for 3 weeks. He texted me twice 2 weeks ago but i did not return. he had been avoiding the places we would run into each other and had blocked me on ghcat (um, he broke up with me).

 

So I've been a mess. lost 10 pounds, been crying, sad, etc. but when I'm in public have not let it show to the public.

 

well I run into him on saturday night. I didn't even see him, and the next thing i know, he's yelling at me from accross the room -- "you cant say hello!?!"

 

i go, I didn't see you sorry, and go back to my friends and continue laughing and talking. well these 3 women come in and he starts overtly flirting with them, buying them drinks, hugging them, etc. The 3 women leave, and he's there by himself.

 

the next thing i know he comes up to me and is ANGRY. he tries to start a fight with me about not saying hello to him. I was so taken aback all i could do is laugh in his face. it was so retarded.

 

so this pissed him off and he said a horrible thing to me and stormed out.

 

WHAT IS GOING ON?

 

That was 3 days ago and I havent heard anything from him. But seriously why is he mad at me?!?! he should be happy to be free and living his life. I haven't bothered him AT ALL. why the anger????

 

so confusing.

[thetruth]

that's too good. it backfired on him , that's it.

 

he wanted to see you miserable and googly all over him, but you weren't and he was crushed by it.

 

good, that just shows how bad of a guy he was. not confusing, you know exactly why it should feel good, to know he is still so stuck on you.

[Up and Down]

He's upset that you are not pining away for him, or he just wants to know that you are still there...shoud he change his mind. Keep on doing NC and move forward.

[abnyc]

thats what I can't figure out. if its really just his ego wanting to see me upset or if he is upset because he can't make up his mind about me.

 

I never thought i could be this strong, but at the same time i miss him so. I just refuse to show him how messed up I am.

 

is that a mistake?

[thetruth]

no , you should keep doing that.

 

regardless of whether it's ego or wanting to see you upset - both are bad in this case. you need to let him be miserable and angry, otherwise he'd just bring that back into your life.

[Up and Down]

thats what I can't figure out. if its really just his ego wanting to see me upset or if he is upset because he can't make up his mind about me.

 

I never thought i could be this strong, but at the same time i miss him so. I just refuse to show him how messed up I am.

 

is that a mistake?

 

 

No I think it's very good. Most dumpers love the idea of the dumpee pining away for them, becoming a mess etc. It's hard to hold your head up high in public, even if you are hurting inside. So him seeing you having a good time might of shattered this image he had of you pining away for him.

I understand that you miss him but your break up is recent, it's a fresh wound. He broke up with you, you can't chase him down and convince him to date you, it would never work out. You both have to mutually come to terms to either date again or there is no point. What this means is that since he broke up with you, in my opinion, he should be the one to approach and bring up the subject of reconcilliation. If he doens't it's just pure speculation on what his actions mean. If he gets upset that you don't say hi, just explain that first of all you didn't see him and second of all that you just need your space/to do your own thing. You are single and you need to do what's best for you first and foremost. This is why you need to keep your distance from him for your own sanity, otherwise you will be wondering what all of his actions mean...to the point that it will drive you insane....it will also prevent you from moving on with your life.

[abnyc]

yeah i wont let him see me pining. i was hurt so badly by this. I am going to avoid his haunts and continue NC

[thejigsup]

I disagree. When I breakup with someone, I pray to God they are not hurting because of something I had to do. What kind of person would take joy in the pain of someone they once loved? My ex husband was an abusive alcoholic, but when I left, his pain still bothered me. Some evil people may get a kick out of seeing their ex in pain, but I doubt they are the norm. Why was your ex mad? He misses you and wanted to maybe talk about remaining friends or getting back together. You didn't leave that option open, so he exploded.

[abnyc]

I disagree. When I breakup with someone, I pray to God they are not hurting because of something I had to do. What kind of person would take joy in the pain of someone they once loved? My ex husband was an abusive alcoholic, but when I left, his pain still bothered me. Some evil people may get a kick out of seeing their ex in pain, but I doubt they are the norm. Why was your ex mad? He misses you and wanted to maybe talk about remaining friends or getting back together. You didn't leave that option open, so he exploded.

 

I've always been open to that. as soon as i got there he began flirting with these women, buying them drinks, hugging and kissing them (or attempting to), trying to hurt them. he has every medium in the world to contact me and talk about us, and he has not at all. the 3 times he texted me it was random things like restaurant suggestions like we wern't broken up.

 

i hoped that we would be able to talk, but honestly, he has made up his mind by breaking up with me and if he thinks he's made an error he can easily pick up the phone and arrange a meeting. I haven't blocked him from anything in any way. its quite the opposite.

[thetruth]

I disagree. When I breakup with someone, I pray to God they are not hurting because of something I had to do. What kind of person would take joy in the pain of someone they once loved?

 

and you sound like a very good person - and I agree, i am dumbfounded by what sort of person gets off on that. it is sad but true. you are a little too trusting and apologetic.

 

not saying there are tons of people like that, but there are enough for it to not be rare, and to not be a surprise.

 

I highly doubt it was something as innocuous as old friends, etc. And that still doesn't excuse jumping to "Explode" like he did.

[Up and Down]

I disagree. When I breakup with someone, I pray to God they are not hurting because of something I had to do. What kind of person would take joy in the pain of someone they once loved? My ex husband was an abusive alcoholic, but when I left, his pain still bothered me. Some evil people may get a kick out of seeing their ex in pain, but I doubt they are the norm. Why was your ex mad? He misses you and wanted to maybe talk about remaining friends or getting back together. You didn't leave that option open, so he exploded.

 

 

Yes some people don't want to see their significant other hurt when they have dumped soneone, but I do believe others do feed their own egos when they have broken up with someone and see them hurting. At this point it's only speculation as to why her ex is mad, we can bat this around for days. Ultimately she needs to keep on doing what she is doing which is keeping her distance and doing what's right for her.

[abnyc]

here's my question. do i call a meeting and just at least get on the same page so we're at least "friendly"? we have a good amount of mutual friends and i dont' understand where this anger is coming from.

[happylady]

I dont think you owe him anything.

[Up and Down]

I dont think you owe him anything.

 

 

I agree with this. You owe him, nothing you are broken up because he wanted out of the relationship. You don't have to explain your actions to him anymore.

[abnyc]

agreed. THANK YOU all