This is very long....please understand

[bobbydigital83]

This might be long. I know you might say i have no balls, or i am a p%^&y or whatever. If you must call me that, then go ahead. For those who respond with a serious thought, thank you for your thoughts and god bless.

 

I met my lady over six years ago. She was my first girlfriend (i was shot down many times before her). She gave me an opportunity to take her out to lunch. We had chemistry. I am known to be very resourceful, very logical as well as helpful. We were young when we met (i was 19 and she was 17). I used my resources to plan out good future so within a few years i helped her with alot of stuff (taught her how to drive, lived rent free with my dad while we attended full time school (i taught her to register and how to select classes for school)). Many things i helped her with. When we began to work for a hospital we began to save up alot of money. I wanted us to live a little (a new car and maybe a vacation) but she wanted to invest into the future. I was reluctant but i went along with her. We bought two homes with very good payments. Soon my work became too difficult (too many threats from patients), so i left. She was okay with it but we knew it would be hard.

 

My lady became pregnant and even though i was happy i was suffering from a very deep depression due to leaving my high paying job. I don't what happened but i almost commited suicide. I was taking 14 meds a day and i believe the meds had something to do with it. I was very upset at myself that i almost did something so stupid to my lady and to my unborn child. I have alot of pressure from my lady and i have a whole generation of family members that want to see me fail in life (they openly say it to everyone). It is another story but basically i became a scapegoat for my dad's actions.

 

Even though my lady was supporting us(my son and i), i did the very best everywhere else. I began to clean, cook and watched our son for whatever reason. Even though my lady would openly say i have or am on the track to success, she took advantage of it. It seems she was only nice to me only because she saw i had resources (ability to effectively plan for long term success and establishment). Soon she began to treat me like trash. Lying, double standards, verbal abuse. She also began to secretly hide my son and i from people. Also she began to neglect our son but at the same time she would complain that she doesn't have quality time with him. She for almost 1.5 years (he is only 2), i had to put him to sleep, wake him up, change his diaper, take him for checkups. I acted like single father. She openly acknowledged how fortunate our son was to have a dedicated father. She in the other hand would pass him over anytime she felt like it and for any reason. I couldn't argue with her. She paid most of the bills and watching our son was my job (as a father) and the least i could do.

 

She always told me all these things like "i would flat out tell you if i saw another guy....i am not scared to tell you." She also wanted me to sign a contract giving custody of our son and other "property," if i ever left or cheated in any form. She began to verbally abuse me like crazy. She even began to say i poised her food. I still pushed on to make a good family. She set timeframes that basically di not give me the time to get homework done (but i pushed on by doing homework and watching my son). She put me throught alot. She had her younger sister move in with us and she began to act rebelleous towards us but i had to be the parent. I then had to battle two fronts. Soon my lady began to turn off her phone, go to "school" and "work functions" for long and weird hours. She also in an argument (i demanded her to tell me who she was hanging out with), kicked my son and i out for even asking her such a quesiton. She also said she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and basically she said "we can split our son's custody." She told me that her pressure was too much and the bills were stacking up and she wanted to "live."

 

Soon i caught her. She kicked us out for the "outlandish accusal" of her seeing another guy, but i was right all along. One day i had found the smoking gun and found his number (a number that was accidently called on my phone). The guy admitted to seeing molly and knew she was with someone. She didn't say anything about our son and the guy refused to accept she had a son (he became conviced when our son began to cry in the background). I was very calm with him and he was with me. We talked for 2 hours and he apolgized for his actions and said "all we did was hugs." When i confronted my lady, she began to cuss at me like crazy and just left. When she calmed down she began to blame me for everything. She said that she hated my guts but "i don't know why." Also with my verbal pushes, i learned that she went his house, drank with him, went clubbing with him and basically kicked my son and i out of our house so she could hang out with him without worries. She also told me that she told anyone that met him to never reveal our son to him. We both agreed to seek counseling.

 

When we went to counseling she and i began to give our frustrations. The counselor almost from the start began to want to "understand" my lady. It became so crazy that my lady began to justify what she did to me. I then went to the counselor and told him that i might be partly responsible for the cause but not for the action of her denying our son and seeing another guy. I then added that whenever anyone does anything stupid, they will always try to the best of their means to justify themselves. I told him about my suicidal experience and how it was a stupid and retarded act. I told him of my mistake and added that i could never tell my lady how to feel about it but hopefully see what came out of it.

 

Im sorry why this is so long, but i feel that this relationship we have is ending. She openly tells me that if i had a lady before her, she would had missed out and that i am a all around guy. I have told her repeatedly that i made myself deserving of her and no one else. I once told her that if she ever saw another guy, we could possibly work it out. She told me i was saying that because that is what i would want her to do (she said i would only be capable to do such as thing). She has been in very bad relationships before me. There are faults with me but i am looking here for certain types of advice. Has anyone gone through such a similar thing? I feel that if this realtionship ended, all my hard work would just about fade away. My son and i would apply for welfare (never done before) and even though my lady wants to be in my sons life, she has showed notions that she doesnt want to try to set a good example for him. I dont' know what to do, think and feel. Can i date ever again if i only had my lady as my only relationship. How can i trust another person again? I feel that the men who treated my lady like a dog were treated better than me. Why is that? I am open to criticism, so if you have any go ahead but i am appreciative for advice. We both see a couples counselor together as well as a individual couselor for each of us. We are making progress but when she gets mad, she turns very evil.

[Hanz33]

It looks like she went into the relationship to a man she could look up to with a high paying job great career and able to establish himself. As the years have gone by she is supporting you money wise and you seem to be in a rutt.

 

Maybe she is looking for the guy she first met?

 

Not that she should.. But perhaps this is it. Nevertheless, You both have a son together. That should be her priority.

[now_better]

i think the problem here is that you lost respect for yourself and as a result, she lost respect for you. unfortunately, i don't think there's anything left to salvage here. it's very difficult for people to change their opinion of you once it's so ingrained like your story.

 

you have to move on, keep your head up high and most importantly, you have to learn to love and respect yourself so other people can love you too.

[bobbydigital83]

It looks like she went into the relationship to a man she could look up to with a high paying job great career and able to establish himself. As the years have gone by she is supporting you money wise and you seem to be in a rutt.

 

Maybe she is looking for the guy she first met?

 

Not that she should.. But perhaps this is it. Nevertheless, You both have a son together. That should be her priority.

 

It is suprising but from what i know, they are all losers according to her. She also said they were very not sexually pleasing what-so-ever (she told me that she didn't understand the big fuss over sex) either. Also some of her family members have stated that they didnt' know what was in her head when she was seeing some of them. I will tell you something that has popped into my mind. I have thought that even though i am part of a cool crowd, i am certainly not a "bad boy." They were. I feel that she might have wanted a guy who had run-ins with some sort of authority figure (such as the law). So maybe she did want someone before me afterall?

[bobbydigital83]

i think the problem here is that you lost respect for yourself and as a result, she lost respect for you. unfortunately, i don't think there's anything left to salvage here. it's very difficult for people to change their opinion of you once it's so ingrained like your story.

 

you have to move on, keep your head up high and most importantly, you have to learn to love and respect yourself so other people can love you too.

 

I understand that you might view my suicide incident as a loss of respect for myself. I do too. It seems that today, people with 2nd commited offences agianst the criminal law are given another chance than someone who picked themselves out of a suicidal depression. Maybe the damage has been done. I am truly sorry for what occurred and their is no reason i have to excuse myself. But i would add that i have brought myself out of the trenches of internal pain since.

[now_better]

my problem is you said this "Soon she began to treat me like trash. Lying, double standards, verbal abuse." you took this like it was fine. she started to see other men and you were fine. at what point do you start to stand up for yourself?

 

next time, you need to stop this behavior as soon as it stops. you need to talk to your partner, find out the root problem and solve it. once it has gone on for too long, respect for the other person dies and there's nothing left to save.

[nina2009]

Your problem is that you do not have a job. And it is hard and unfair in the relationship when one needs to supply all the living. What this relationship is for? You are bonded only by your son. If there will be no child then why she should be supporting you? She is angry with you because you put her in this situation, where she has no choice, she even can't leave you without hating herself. You locked all her doors. Naturally she wants to live.

 

If one decides to go into relationship and live together, then one takes responsibility for oneself AT LEAST. It is a cruel world but if you want to have a good relationship then you have to be bonded by CHOICE and not by the circumstances where the husband is not capable in supporting himself. In the beginning you both were two strong individuals, you both had options. Now she is the one who is pulling the boat.

 

You are saying that you take care of a kid and she is neglecting him. No wonder. The truth is she could take care of the kid as well, when you can not find a job. That is the difference between you.

 

The cure to your situation is to become functional again. Nothing else would help.

[now_better]

wow, that was an appropriate answer if we lived in the 1800s. nowadays, it's becoming more and more accepted that the husband can stay at home and take care of the kid. but really this is on a culture by culture basis, some are more progressive than others. however, if the OP was a girl, i don't think you would nearly be as hard on her because it's socially acceptable to be a housewife.

[nina2009]

now-better, it is not about what is "socially acceptable" it is about what is acceptable between two people who created a couple. I suspect that in this case for a guy it is acceptable that he is not working and being taken care of, and the girl thinks differently.