redangel Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 im typing this and i cant stop crying....im all alone at home and im one step of doin something to my self "suicide"...im fed up!!!! i just hate my life!!!!!.....or wait!!! i dont even have one!!!! i hate everyone specially my parents!!! they're driving me crazy...i bet most of u girls go to ur mothers when u need something...but if i told her anything abt my love life....she would start screaming at me and she will go on and hit me!!!!IM 15 YEARS OLD AND THEY HIT ME!!!!!!!! my mum...cares abt my brother and she would do anything for him anything he wants...she would say yes to everything singel f*cken thing he want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....but when i ask her something she directly say no without even thinking abt it!!!! my dad...he's a jerk!!!! i always ALWAYS fight with him....i dont evn know what the fight is abt...and whenever i do something that he dont like...the first thing that he says is NO MORE SCHOOL FOR YOU!!!! i mean what the ....have u ever heard of this before a dad doin this!!!! today i wanted to go out with my friends after school but yesterday night i got into a fight with him becoz he told me to do something to my brother but i said no!!!!! so he said ur not goin to school tom and ur not goin out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WHAT KIND OF FATHERS DOES THAT!!!!...I EVEN STARTED THINKING THAT MAYBE IM NOT THEIR DAUGHTER!!!!! THEY ALWAYS TREAT MY BRO AND SIS BETTER THEN ME!!!!! I MEAN NOTHIN TO THEM!!!!! I PRAY EVERYDAY THAT GOD TAKE ME AWAY...BUT NO ANSWER!!!!! IM SICK OF EVERYTHING!!! I HAVE ONLY 2 FRIENDS TO GO AND TALK TOO....AND NOW MY PARENTS R CALLING THEM B!TCHES AND THEY DONT WANT ME TO HANG WITH THEM!!!!! I DONT EVEN WANNA TALK TO THEM ABT IT!!!!!!! MY LIFE IS SCREWED UP...A YEAR BACK I LOST SOMEONE I LOVE BECOZ OF THEM!!! THEY FOUND OUT AND THEY TOLD ME NOT TO SEE HIM AGAIN!!! AND MY DAD ***EN HIT ME!!! I NEVER GO TO BED WITHOUT CRYING....I HAVE TO CRY EVERYDAY!!! AND NOW IM SCARED THAT THEY WILL FIND OUT ABT MY BF AND THEY WOULD DO THE SAME THING AGAIN!!!! I CANNOT LOSE HIM!!!!! HELP ME PLZZZ!!! Link to comment
redangel Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 OK THATS IT.....i wanna do it, im scared of the pain!!!....plz ppl can u give me a way to kill myself but plz i dont want it to hurt me!!... Link to comment
faeriechyld Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 hey, whoa whoa whoa. Take a deep breath here. What's going on? I understand you're having issues with your parents, with your family in general. I had/have issues with my family too, and I couldn't go to my mother for a lot of things either. But I had other people I could go to, teachers, friends of the family, and finally I even went to therapy. What set you off? I know it's probably a lot of things that have just built up and built up, but what was the last straw? Why have you come to suicide as your only way out? There are a lot of people here, including myself, who want to help you. I want to work through this with because I've been where you are and I have a feeling about the pain you are going through right now. Will you talk to me and others on here about what you're going through before you jump to this decision? Please? Link to comment
DesperateGuy Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey, redangel... It seems like you are stuck in a tough situation there, huh? I do not know what i could possibly tell you to make you feel better. I know that sometimes life does suck. Everyone seems to be against you and all other people are better off than one self. Still, do not lose your head over things. As bad it may look now for you, life always does turn bright again. Just do not lose your hope. Do not give up. Yes, sometimes life is most definitely a piece of *beep*, and I guess we all have had our lows. There are so many people in here, and some may even be worse off than you, but still they keep hoping. They still keep going. You have so many great things to discover. In the end you are only 15 now, and I guess life has probably more to offer than you might realize by now. Sometimes, off course there will be pain. But that only makes you stronger. How are you supposed to enjoy a good moment, when you never have felt pain? If everything always went as we would wish for, would we really still enjoy our lives? I do understand, that you feel like you are having serious trouble and you feel the whole world is against you, but it is not. There are most certainly people that do care for you, although you might not see it that way... Life has much more to offer than you can see now. Do not miss it. Sometimes it will be hard, sometimes it will hurt and sometimes it will feel like there is no hope at all. But things will only get better. Believe me, as hard as it may be. Keep your head up. You are not alone! "This game we call life, no one said it's fair..." W. Axl Rose Link to comment
redangel Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 thx for tryin to help me....but i have no one to share my problems with... even my friends would call me crazy if i told them abt whats goin on and how im thinking....what should i stay alive if i dont even have a faamily that loves me...the only person that might stop me from what im thinking to do is my bf...he's the only reason that im might stop me from doin what i wanna do!!! i look at my sis and my bro the r havin the best life that anyone would ever have!!!! they get everything they want, but i dont!!! sometimes i ask my self why am i here...but i have no one to answer me! Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hello redangel! Do not do anything you will not be able to regret later. You are not alone. Even here there are people who care! Sometimes life just is not fair, I know... However, you have to keep trying. Life has definitely more to offer to you than you want to see now. There is so many things you have not even discovered yet. And so far we all have been through the deepest lows, but only so that we could enjoy the highs again. I know it sounds silly, but there actually is a light at the end of the tunnel. So don't do anything silly, ok! It may not be long and you will enjoy something which is so beautiful that everzthing you feel now is forgotten. I can not promise you, that things will turn bright tomorrow. But I firmly do believe they will. And so should you. You have a whole life to live and so many choices and options waiting for you. So many great things to discover. Don't miss them! And please do not longer pray to god he should take you. I have been there before and done the same. But he didn't listen to me either. If he does not want you, he most certainly has a good reason for it! And do not be surprised if no one can answer the question why you are here. That is what you have to find out! In order to find out why you are here you must live your life!!! I have had dark hours. I thought about suicide. I still have scars in my soul that will never heal. But still, life is good, believe me. Today I am happy that I did not do it. I would have missed so many great things. So many things I would never have discovered. So many joys I would never have seen. Always remember: LIFE IS GOOD! "Don't look down, just look up!" Link to comment
redangel Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 thank for what ur saying...it made me feel much better...but i know that when i wake up tomorrow i'll start thinking of it again...i just cant stop thinking abt it... why do u live with people that u think they r not even ur parents...maybe when i die, my next life will be much better...i will live with people that love me and r ready to do everything i want!!...this is what i call life...what im living right now is hell! Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Hey, we are all glad to be there for you. That is why we are here! How can you say you will feel down again tomorrow? You haven't seen it yet, have you? And if you start thinking about it again, then go here. Write down your anger. Let it out. Read what we wrote down here... And to your parents...sometimes you think they are not even your parents. Sometimes you hate them for what they think is good for you. Sometimes they seem to be so unjust. But still, they do care, I am almost certain. It may not seem like it, I know, because I have been there before myself... It is hard to believe, but I am sure they do care for you, even if you might not see it that way now... If you feel down again, find a way to express yourself. Your anger, your passion, your hate... I know it may sound silly, but I have a friend, she was in a situation just like yours. She started painting. Painting her pain. And she could spend hours talking about what colour her feelings were today... You will make it. Life has more to offer than you believe! Link to comment
Scout Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Have you thought about talking to a teacher or counselor at school about this? It is very serious that your father threatens you with not being able to go to school. And I think it's illegal. You have a valid reason to go to someone about this problem. I know you may be afraid of unleashing even more of their anger if you did this, but if you are truly afraid in your homelife, and if they really do hit you on a regular basis, I think the proper authorities would protect you. No, we can't choose the families we are born into. But we CAN choose the person we become, the life path we take, and the kind of parent we ourselves become in the future. Life is hard, very hard for you right now, but remember: what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger and a SURVIVOR. Hang in there, please!!! Don't give up - ever. Link to comment
redangel Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 i also paint...painting is the best way to express ur feeling!! i really feel better when i paint...but talking to u people and telling u abt my problem made me feel much better then before!...i just wish to stop thinking abt it...and ur right tomorrow didnt come...i'll wait for tomorrow maybe its going to be better... u people made me smile again....its only my boy that makes me smile...and now its also u...thank you Link to comment
redangel Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 hi Scout... i dont really want to talk to someone that knows my parents abt this...becoz they would hate them...ya i know that i hate them sometimes...but i dont want ppl to hate them too!!...and yes my life is hard....but u people r really makin me feel much better!!...i just wish that i could have a brother like steve and u scout in my life! Link to comment
Protex Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 From what I hear you're a very caring woman. Even in your times of trouble you don't want people to hate those close to you. I admire that about you. You should really talk to someone else about your problems. Painting is a great way to express feelings, but I don't think anything matches up to that of another human being listening to you. A counsellor can help you and your family to work out their difference. Suicide is not the answer. Whether you think it or not. There are people that value and love you. There always are. Just give life a chance to redeem itself. You'll be glad you did in years to come. Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Redangel, that is one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me so far, thank you! It is so good to see you feeling a bit better. I am glad you can at least smile a bit again. I wish you all the best and I really hope you will have a bright day tomorrow! I will keep my fingers crossed. And I will come here to see whether you have posted some new stuff, ok? Link to comment
redangel Posted April 21, 2004 Author Share Posted April 21, 2004 sure....i'll come here when ever i need help...and im sure u will help me coz thats the only thing that u all r doin so far i'll tell u my news and everything new abt me and my parents! Link to comment
Protex Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 Awesome! I'm soo happy to see that you made the right decision. Please do keep in touch with all of us. We're always an open ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. Best wishes, Mitch Link to comment
sweetie_33 Posted April 21, 2004 Share Posted April 21, 2004 hi redangel...i'll give u an advice...and it will work coz i've tried it before! when u wake up tomorrow and u decided to hurt ur self...just think of ur bf and how much he loves u, and what will happen to him if anything happened to u...think of people that loves u and cares for u...im sure ur parents doesnt hate u..and maybe they r doin this becoz they think its a best for u...i know that sometimes parents tell u to do something that u dont like to do or tell u not to do this or that...but they do this becoz they care...i know a lot of people that their parents treat them the way they treat u..but at the end they solve this problem and everything works!!! trust me hun....everything should work out at the end...life is nice if u wanted to be nice...so stop thinking abt suicide....and try to live ur life!!! and u also should be happy for having a bf that loves u!!! dont give up...NEVER GIVE UP!!!! goodluck hun Link to comment
redangel Posted April 23, 2004 Author Share Posted April 23, 2004 hi everyone....i told u before that im going to tell u all my news!! and this news is going to be the best one ever...after reading what everyone said abt my story and thinking abt it...i couldnt sleep even the past 2 days....i thought abt what u told me...and now I STOPPED THINKING ABT HURTING MY SELF I STOPPED THINKING ABT SUICIDE!!!!!....i am sooo happy!!!!...i also told my bf whats happening to me and he said a lot of things that also had a big part in changing my life....maybe ur not going to understand this....but u people changed a lot of things that i wanted to do in my life!!!...maybe in future my parents will change..who knows... before i finish i have one last question, abt my father, he keeps telling me that if i did anything wrong he will stop sending me to school, i wanna talk to him abt it but can u plz tell me what to say??!....thanks again!! i love u alll lots of kisses Christine[/b] Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 23, 2004 Share Posted April 23, 2004 Hello Redangel! Hey, that is some good news to read! You sound so positive about things now... I have to say, I kinda had a down moment today,because I just had a little fihgt with my parents (yes that happens even with 25)but after reading your positive posting I feel better again, because I can see that we all helped you and made you feel better. Well, the talking to your father thing...hmm, kinda hard to say seeing as I know not much about your background or what kind of person he is. But generally, it is always adviseable to keep calm and not to get too emotional. I know that can be very hard when talking to parents becasue they sometimes just do not seem to understand. However, it is absolutely necessary to do it. So stay calm, try to keep it rational and quiet. And also try to understand that he may have a different opinion on things. This happens in life. But you still can ask him for a bit more understanding of your situation. Tell him you really do understand his point, but he should try to understand yours as well. Ask him what kind of behaviour he expects from you. Try to understand why he thinks so and then try to tell him how you feel about that. It might work... I cannot guarantee that you'll be successful, but if you keep it calm, they are much more likely to listen what you actually have to say... I hope that could help you a little? Link to comment
redangel Posted April 27, 2004 Author Share Posted April 27, 2004 hey: im glad that u feel better after reading what i said... i'll try doin what u told me to do with my dad... and i'll tell u what will happen Link to comment
redangel Posted May 21, 2004 Author Share Posted May 21, 2004 hi everyone...i just wanted to tell u that i talked to my dad abt how i feel and why is he doin this and that what he's doin is hurting my feeling and makin me think of stupid ideas...and what he did is, he came up to me and he gave me A HUG!!! and he said, i never knew that what im telling u is hurting u and he actually said SRY!!!...i just couldnt believe my eyes.. i also told him that why does he treat me as i dont belong to the family, when i said this, i could actually see tears in his eyes, i didnt know what to say after what he did, he said" i never meant to treat u in a bad way, but becoz ur the oldest i wanted u to also help me taking care of ur bro and sis and to understand that they r small and ur the oldest, but i never knew that what im doin this will bother u and he also said, i always say that u should stop what ur doin and shout at u becoz ur a grown up but ur bro and sis r not, u will undersatnd what im saying but they will not!!!... i felt so happy, i also wanted to ask him abt him telling me not to go to school, but i couldnt!!!.. i just couldnt after what happened i never fought with them again!!!.,..im happy and its all becoz of u ppl...thank u soo much...i love u all! Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted May 21, 2004 Share Posted May 21, 2004 Hello redangel! Wow, now that is some really good news to hear from you! I am really happy that things seem to be a bit brighter again for you. Actually I was having a real down moment just now, that is why I came here, but now that I read your message it even made me feel better. Things are not going to stay bad forever, sometimes it just takes a little time to see. I am really glad that we all could help you here when you needed someone to talk to. I wish you good luck, and keep the good news coming, ok?! And if you ever feel down again, you know where to find us! Stef Link to comment
themagoogler Posted May 26, 2004 Share Posted May 26, 2004 i feel so happy for you, see, talkin stuff over always helps Link to comment
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