DesperateGuy

Ok, well. It is finally over for good. She moved in with her new guy shortly after we last met. The whole come down and meet me thing did not work. He even asked her to marry him and she said yes. I will leave the country on thursday, maybe for good. She will be leaving for the states after the summer. This means it is over for good. The whole being friends thing did not work either. I can't really be bothered to try and stay in contact with her. After all she left me. She threw away my engagement ring. She told me I was "too stable" (i.e. boring) and such a "nice guy" which basically means that I am stupid enough to worship her. Sort of. I am hurt. Anyway. I am sad things had to go this way. But she wanted to be with him. Whether I would have gone or not. I never got a reason from her though. Just phrases. That really hurt. I keep wondering though whether I really loved her. Or whether it was just infatuation. I don't know and I guess I will never find out. We talked on the phone last week. Did not really have much to say. It was awkward. Haven't heard from her since. She promised to come up and see me tomorrow, before I leave. But I somehow do not think she will. And I do not know whether I really want to see her. "you lost the battle and the war. things change. Sorry it didn't work out for you." I loved you. I honestly did. Goodbye

Ok, things are developing strangely, as always... After writing my last post I went to town to meet some friends. Went past a bar and a girl yelled at me. It was one her her best friends who I had a friendly realtionship with and who I hadn't seen for nearly a month. She was like how are you and what I was upto. I said I was going out with some friends and fine. She told me that my Ex was sitting inside so I said, ok, well I've seen her yesterday, so I guess I should move. When I turned round I heard my Ex's voice saying: "oh, if that's the way you're gonna be, just leave and not say hello..." I was puzzled. I mean, yes we are on a friendly basis, but I thought she was going out with her mates and did not want to see me. Well, I went inside, told my friends I'd be over in half n hour...and got stuck talking and flirting with her. Just that. Nothing more. After I had taken her home I received a text asking whether I would like to do a bbq the next day seeing as she had a fridge full of stuff that has to go before she leaves for the summer. So I said yes... Had she and her friend over, did some salads, bbqed, listened to music and my ex got really comfy around me. I was not pushing, just relaxed. However, she kept talking about HIM, which annoyed me a bit. But she was trying to kiss me and hug me and that sort of stuff. A day later I wished her good luck for her exam. After she had finished she called me and asked whether I would like to have a drink with her seeing as she'd just finished all her work. So we went to town to meet her female friend and she kissed me! My ex just kissed me! Without any warning, just like that!!! Woah I thought where is that gonna go? She made it pretty clear what she wanted...explicitely clear. Well, she went to see her new guy after that. Came back yesterday and asked me for another date. So we had one...and ended up in bed. Again, yes. After she has said about a million times that she wouldn't want that anymore and things like that. She fell asleep on my bed and just wouldn't go. So I had her stay for the night. I do not know why, but something really felt good between the two of us. I know that she is still together with him. And I know there is no chance we will be back together before I have to leave. But still...I do not know what it was, it just felt good to see her, to touch her, to kiss her... And that although I was comfortable with having her around as "just friends". I just hope that now she doesn't turn around again and says sorry for what she did... In the end it may just be that she can only see me for another week. After that it'll be virtually impossible for us to meet seeing as she is going away for the summer...

Hello muneca! Thanks for your writing...it really helps me a lot. You know I really am wondering whether I really can call her. I do not want to make it look like I am running after her again. But she is leaning back now and that is mean. All that time she was the one to beg for me not to go and leave her. But then tables turned and now I am the weak one who has to admit that he still longs for hugs and kisses and stuff. I still have these desires...and she had them as well...and I cannot understand why she is now thinking he is more imporant to her. Even when she was seeing him she always would beg that I would meet her and kiss me and come for a hug and maybe even more. It was still there. But now she is so cold and fully in control of the situation. I do not like that at all! I was the strong one, the cool one, the one she listened to...and now... I don't know she even looks different now. I so would have loved to be with her yesterday. After I posted here I got completely wasted in my living room, crying, writing a love letter. Before that weekend she was begging to see me, she called me, she texted me, she wanted me. She even said she loved me and now this is all gone in a single week? I don't get it. I have never changed like that, never felt like that... Maybe I am just too naive...I love my girlfriends to bits. I want to give them heaven on earth...I have never cheated, nevere even broken up with one...I am always the one to be left behind wondering what went wrong this time. With us it just used to be a little thing (me going away, she "does not work" on long distance...) That was ok. But now she really loves this guy and it is making me sick!!! What has he got that I do not have?

Well, what a strange evening. She looked gorgeous! I was dying... But I tried not to show. We had a funny and light conversation...sometimes even about dodgy stuff we used to talk about a lot. However, she wasn't wearing my ring anymore and I did not get a kiss... She asked me whether she could hug me for my birthday, I said yeh why not...was feeling strange. All the time it felt like she would have wanted to go a bit further but at the same time she felt controlled. During the movie we saw she grabbed my hand twice holding it for a couple of minutes. I think she even tried to make me kiss her once...but I wasn't really sure so I did not try. After the movie we just went home. I got a good night kiss on the cheek. She asked me what I was up to in the next days as she would be around. I think she really wants to do that friends thing now. And only friends. Hard for me, but sooner or later this had to happen. When she made her move, she said nothing would change between us...but now things have changed. Oh...she just IMed me... Well I should get rid of that habit to show my online status... I guess this all is gonna lead nowhere. She will only be able to be around in June. Else she would have to stay at my place. And she will not do that. The signals she send are clear. I should not read too much into this. I would have wanted to kiss her. I even would have wanted to spend the night with her. But it's been too long now. How do you know it is really over for good?! Oh yeah, just for stats: Her mum is allright. False alarm. So I have no reason to talk to her anymore. I know it sounds low...but at least I had an excuse for calling adn asking how things are. Now it will look like I am running after her again. I guess which is what she wants.

Hey, that seemed to be a good tip... I kept contact light. She texted me yesterday in the morning telling me she was wondering how things were with me and that she couldn't sleep and would miss my company. I called her in the evening asking her how things were with her mom and stuff. Well she ended up asking me whether I would like to go to cinema with her today. I said yes. About 5 minutes after I hung up I got a text saying how nice it was for her to hear my voice and that she was really looking forward to meeting me... Well...I said that we are just friends now and I do not want to be more at the moment. However I am a bit scared now because we have always been physically attracted to each other...I really hope we can keep it light and I do not get too upset about not kissing and hugging her...

Ok, this one was kinda unexpected. She made contact with me today...it was my birthday and initially she had promised to come. However now she couldn't and gave me a fairly good reason for it. Her mom had a positive cancer test... *beep*!!! I mean her mom really liked me and I liked her and it kinda gets to me that this is happening. However this creates some problems for me. I mean should I make contact and tell her how sorry I feel about that and that I hope her mom will be allright?! She knows that I still care about her family and...well if I want to be a friend I should be around. Nevertheless I do not want to get on her nerves seeingas I have been doing that a lot lately. Si it's a bit iffy. I texted her how sorry I was to hear that, but til now I haven't called. Would it be wise to do so or rather stay on low contact?! I mean, it's not that I do not care...and I do not want her to think I don't!!! She even said she'll buy my present tomorrow, so I guess she still wants to spent some time with me for my birthday... Any suggestions?!

Thanks muneca! That is some really good advice and I will try to follow it as good as I can. You know there was a time, when she ended our thing and started seeing him where I was acting detached and independent and she came closer to me again. However then I tried pushing and it went wrong. So yeah, I guess you are right, I just have to relax a little and keep it low. Because when I was all relaxed she wanted me, I think. I do not know though whether she really still cares about me enough in order to make this thing work. We had a fairly close relationship, but now she has not spoken to me for a week which is fairly unusual. She always would contact me at least after a day or so. And her texts used to be more friendly. I mean how likely is it, that she really does hate me for all I have done (which basically is trying to be there while she was seeing someone else...) Another thing, she told me that her parents (who always used to like me a lot) would be pissed off at me for being moody around hers. However I got a call from her mom yesterday, asking me where my ex was. Her mom was really friendly, so I somehow think it is more like that girl is looking for reasons to be angry at me... Although I hope she is not.

Ok, she just replied! *heart jumping* "Good luck for your exam. We'll talk later. X" OK, it is nothing to freak out about. And maybe she does not want to talk. And maybe she just wrote it because of me texting her. She probly would have forgotten about it anyway...(yes, she is that forgetful...something I find incredibly cute, but anyway...) Ok, so I am at least a bit more positive about things now. Of course it would have been nicer had she texted me without me reminding her. And of course she could have put some nicer things in there. Then again I do not want to expect too much. This situation is really messed up, no point denying that. I just hope that we can talk. Now that she is "lost" I probly can be a bit more relaxed as there is nothing from her I could still possibly expect. So anything she shows towards me would be a good thing...right?! Maybe that will help me to be a bit nicer again. Not so stressed, not so angry, not in a fighting mood. Maybe that'll help me to calm down a bit. What should and can I tell her though in case we meet up?! About my life? Maybe say sorry for the stress i have caused? Just try to be nice and funny and light (as hard as this may be for me...I am a very "serious" person...)? Any advice is wellcome...

I think I really have gone too far. She still has not replied. I guess she now is using NC to get away from me. I have been a large influence on her life and her new relationship kinda had me always hanging above... So I guess she really might be trying to get rid of me. And just btw, I am totally spineless. I texted her again. "Hello. Hope I don't wake you up. Would be really happy to hear something from you. Can I have a good luck or something? Hope to see you tomorrow?! X" How stupid can you be? Even if she had wanted to wish me good luck for my exam today...how can I go and ask for it? And even worse I asked her again about tomorrow. I just want to live someone else's life now. I really wish I was not me!!! Thing is at the beginning I was really cool and independent and secure. I knew she still loved me and was more afraid of losing me than I seemed to be of losing her. But the longer it took the weaker I felt and finally I lost it, started begging and pleading and crying for her to be mine... I guess that did it. She really does not want me around anymore. I have become just another of her oh so annoying ex bf's she used to complain about to me. How can I find a girl that really loves me for the weak person that I am? I need someone to hold me. I need to feel needed in order to be strong. And she grew more and more independent from me... I want someone I can love, I can adore, I can hug and kiss and cuddle all the time... God do I sound desperate, or what?!

Ok, I told her that I would like to hang out with her. It'll be my birthday on wednesday and I want her around. However, it'll be completely different from all that was before, because I do not think she is gonna kiss and hug me again. I do not yet know how I feel...I am afraid that I lost my feelings for her. But then again, until now everytime I saw her, I found that special someone again...so let's hope she'll be the same and see in me what she used to see in me... Or is all hope lost? She sounded fairly upset and she still hasn't replied...

I guess you are right, it is over. At least for now, as she would put it. I would however not go as far as saying she is using me. Yes she wants the best of both worlds in a way, that is true. But then again she says that I am a very important person to her as I would be the only one to understand her and that for this reason she does not want to lose me out of her life... And for various reasons I would not want to lose her completely as well. I wonder though, how we can get to a reasonable level of understanding and communicating...without fighting and these things... Is that possible?! Yesterday she texted me asking me whether i was bored or working hard and whether i was ok. I replied i was ok and that I was going out with friends. She replied she was good as well. That was it. It's the first time that she initiated contact though... It'll be my birthday next week and the last time I saw her she asked me what I was gonna do. I mean we had some plans of going out to cinema and stuff like that... I wonder whether I should ask her out. I still wanna go for that friends thing. I mean she said she wants to be friends so that we may have a chance of getting back together later. I don't know how serious she was with that. There are some things in our future that may actually lead us a bit closer again, but that'll only be in a year or so... But first I guess I have to cool down a little emotionally. It is what I told her but she kinda stressed out. Well in the end she is a bit immature, so I have to take that into calculation. At the moment I am seeing another girl, but it is just half heartedly, it's nice kissing her and stuff, but it's not love... So I wonder whether that is gonna help me heal...

Sounds like an idea, I doubt that it will work though. What I did before was just sit and wait til she came running. She wanted to see me so much and wanted to sepnt time with me so much that she actually texted me every day telling me she was missing me and stuff. So it was kinda easy to leave her alone. And then I started pushing in which pushed her away. I mean she even was planning on spending the summer with me although she has her new guy. And now she is saying that she does not want anymore because we have been fighting too much and she is fed up with that. So far she has never been mad at me for long, but now it seems she is just running away from me. Before all of that happened she was rather running towards me everytime she had trouble... I wish I knew what made her change her mind. I mean ten days ago she really wanted to spend the night with me but we ended up fighting and she ran off. And since then it has been strange... I cannot deal with her rejection. So far I was the stronger one in this, she said I was perfect and that she wanted me...however, I am afraid I might have spoiled that. I mean physical contact always meant a lot to her, so if she is giving it up like that...I don't know...

Comments anyone? Anything would help me now...

link removed That is the link to my old posting if you want to follow the whole story...

Hello everyone! Well, I already have a thread on that topic and I hope that some of you may have read it (maybe I should post a link here). Well to make a long story short, I had a girlfriend of four months and we got along really well. We both had and still have a special bond between us. Howeverm she is quite young and soon we would have to go long distance. So she found herself another guy. In the beginning she was not really happy with him. She always was trying to return, but it was rather half heartedly. Then I went away for a break and she messaged me and mailed me how she missed me and how she wanted me back. I met up with her after coming back, we had a fight and she went off with him again. I really did not want to fight. It just is that she is very moody around me right now...as if she wanted to be mad at me... After that we still had contact and saw each other occasionally, cuddling, kissing, even sleeping with each other, still finding that we fit perfectly. However, lately I did not want to tale the situation any longer and tried to push her to a decision. THat was wrong because the more I pushed the farther she went away. We still had planned to stay together in my house for the summer and things like that. Last weekend we visited her parents, and it was fairly obvious things were not going well. When I asked her where I should slepp she said I could sleep next to her if I promised I wouldn't sleep with her. I asked why that, because just three days beforer she had been perfectly allright with us... And she just said she had a bad conscience towards the other guy. We fought again...we never used to while we were still together... She said she still wants me as big brother, as friend, maybe to get back later...in a year or so... THat was friday. ON saturday I was gonna leave but she made me stay. It was a nice evening, a good conversation. On sunday we felt passion between us again...she said how perfect it felt and how good and even said she loved me...but I guess she regretted that the minute she said it. Monday was ok...but no physical contact. Todau we went back and she would not speak a word as soon as we got in the car. She said something like she had enough of me and she was tired of fighting, she would not want to spend the summer with me fighting. I never aimed for a fight...it just happened, she stresses out as soon as I say something which she doesn't like. She had promised me a goodbye kiss but then she said I should just leave, she was sick of seeing me...and that she would see me later... What shall I do now? I almost had her...she said that herself. But now all it seems I can do is give up. I don't want to lose her from my life though. I still love her. She says she loves me too, but not in a physical way...that I would be a really nice guy and the perfect boyfriend/husband... everyone keps telling me that, but nevertheless I always end up being left by my girlfriends for some silly *beep*... What do I do wrong? How can I get her back? I have had quite a couple of relationships now, but never something like this. It really was very special and she thinks that too. Yet she does not want to be with me...?