Unappreciated

[jthil39180]

I just got married to my wife in April of this year. I proposed to her after only 8 months of being together because I honestly believed that we were ready. I am an active duty member of the military and I explained to her what is expected of me because of my career. I will get straight to the point. . . I do not feel respected, or even like I am an important part of her life. Every time I call her she talks to me like she is in a hurry to get off of the phone. I work during the day and go to school until 10pm at night so that I will not have to reenlist because she does not want me to stay in the military. I have to beg her to do anything for me, she does not tell me how much money she makes and she tells me how we need to save money when I want to buy something, but she will go out and buy whatever she wants without telling me about it. Every time I try to talk to her she gets angry and says we should talk about it later. What should I do? How many times should I tell her that I feel unappreciated before I give up on her?

[_Asti_]

Maybe its time for some marriage counselling?

If she isn't receptive to your attempts at figuring things out, then maybe its time to bring the issues to a neutral setting with someone who is willing to provide you two with some guidance and tools to work through these things.

 

This is still a fairly new/young relationship, despite the marriage having occurred, and its best to try and work through these things to solve them and move forward, and if she's not trying or willing to...your options are limited.

[Gilgamesh]

I agree with Asti,

 

you need to clear up these issues now, get counseling, or someone that she trusts and listens to, to talk to her.

 

I get the sense that she is a bit self centered, your supposed to be there for her, but not she for you.

 

She could be upset about something, like the little time your at home, or maybe she is having a hard time dealing with the responsibilities of married life. if its something eating away at her, this will only get worse. So do like Asti said, and confront this thing head on, and get it out of the way.

[Circe]

I get the sense that she is a bit self centered, your supposed to be there for her, but not she for you.

 

 

I actually get the sense that she feels lonely (which makes one feel unloved and also unappreciated and un-needed) - perhaps because of your work and school commitments leaving little time to spend together in a meaningful way.

 

How do you know she spends on "whatever she wants" (which makes it sound like frivolous spending) if she doesnt tell you about it and you don't know how much she earns?

[jthil39180]

I think she spends it all because i can say with certainty that she is making 900+ per wkk, but she never deposits anything into our joint savings account. I put some time aside for us tonight, we went to the movies and she complained about EVERYTHING the whole time. She compares her job to mine, says she does all of the work, and then when I ask her to tell me what I can do to make things right she says just to leave her alone and she will get over it. . . . well when I do that we just fight again about the same thing. Any time I talk to her she speaks to me very ridely and like shes annoyed with me, and the thing that makes me the most angry is when she doesnt talk to me at all when I'm talking to her, even when I ask questions over and over again and ask her to please answer me. I am trying so hard to please her but I get the feeling maybe she wants me to opt foe the divorce, even though she wont admit it. . . . .. I am so confused

[SnowFox]

Your best bet is to get into marriage counseling. Unfortunately, this website isn't going to be enough to help you sort out these complex issues between you and your wife. Just tell your wife that you love her, that you want nothing more than to be happily married to her for the rest of your lives, and its not OK with you that there is all this stress and frustration between the two of you- then tell her you want to go to marriage counseling.

 

When you bring up counseling, try not to bring up the things you are upset about - just emphasize that you want a happy marriage for BOTH of you. Hopefully this will help her feel more receptive to the idea.

 

Good luck!