I need some advice...went on a "break" with my boyfriend

[hannahbear]

Im 21 and my bf is 22. My bf of about 3 months (we were together for a few months before this technically but not really- I was studying abroad) and I are on a short break. Ive had issues with his ex and I dont feel hes over her and we've fought about it. She uses him as a security blanket (runs to him when she is single inbetween her long string of men) and hes just figuring this out now. I told him last time we fought ( 3 weeks ago ) if he keeps being suspicious with his ex Id drop him. I let it go though because he acts like he likes me alot and many people have commented on it. He is also all over me alot since we still are that "honeymoon stage."

 

I found out a week ago that he told his ex online around when we first started dating that he wasnt over her and that he still loved her. he actually was not telling his ex this, but some girl he pissed off by pulling a very stupid joke on her (he was not a jerk) This girl revenged him by IMing him pretending to be his ex, but he hadnt figured out by the time he was saying that stuff. You can imagine how much this hurt me, especially since he called me crazy a few times when we fought about her and he told me I was imagining things and he didnt have feelings for her.

 

Things with me and him have been going well til this point though. I found out a week ago and then 2 days later (hadnt found the right time to bring it up yet) he kinda blew me off for the first time. I emailed him the next morning (i was about to explode after awhile and he was out) explaining everything about the fake IM and how it was a huge slap in the face to me. I said I didnt want to talk to him for at least a week and then we could talk, but at this point I didnt want to be with him.

 

I have several questions.

1) Ive never done this "break thing" before. Im assuming since I said I wanted a break that I need to initiate contact with him after a week? Its been 4 days and I want to talk to him now actually. I keep getting more nervous and worried each day but Im thinking I should hold true to my word?

2) Im still quite upset and though I keep going back and forth I really think I want to work things out now. I took this break bc I wanted to sort out my emotions (though he prob doesnt see it this way for him, he gets anxious very easily and I know now I shouldnt have said "but at this point I dont want to be with you") I told him I think he should think he too. He said these things waay before the whole "you be suspicious with your ex again and Im done" comment. It was 7 months ago. But then again, I feel if that isnt the definition of a rebound- what is?

3) But we have both been online a few times since this and he hasnt IMed me. This is because I said I didnt want to talk to him for a week or because hes mad at me? Im afraid now Im going to lose him bc he gets anxious easily and be mad at me or might lose feelings.

4) When we have our talk what should I judge on to make my decision whether to stay with him or not? Like if he says he didnt say it (he did) or says its no big deal I should forget him obviously, but what else?

 

Its also bad bc in 8 days I need to be his date for his sisters' wedding.

[DrKitten]

1) Contact him when your thoughts are cleared and you know what you need to say.

 

2) I don't entirely understand your question here. They broke up 7 months ago? It's very possible he could be rebounding with you, even more so since he confessed to still having feelings for her.

 

3) He is probably respecting your request to be left alone. Has he done any apologizing or begging and pleading?

 

4) I dunno. What did he say when you first told him you found out?

 

Honestly, this all sounds way too dramatic and complicated than it needs to be. What's up with this other chick getting revenge on him? How do you know her? Did she just tell you this or show you the IM conversation? What was it about his ex that sparked fights before all this?

 

For just a 3 month relationship, I'd say this isn't worth it if it causes you this much trouble. But you do realize you're perpetuating the drama by blowing up at him without giving him a chance to say anything right? You need to discuss things with a partner calmly and openly. Not sending emails saying "I know everything and I don't want to be with you right now!"