I want to commit suicide.

[Turato]

I've wanted to commit suicide for 3 years now, I just don't have the guts to deal with the physical pain. I always hope I die in my sleep when I go to bed, I'm just really sick of how the world works. It's like my fate is decided that I'm going to school until 18 then working until 65 only to look back at my unfufilled life and rot away. I only have two ways of getting rid of these thoughts, being distracted at school and smoking marijuana.

 

I have only about 2 or 3 friends at my current school, I had to go to a different school than all my other friends went to. You can imagine how my social life is like, just going to school, intaking useless information, then going back home. I'm just kind of sad how pathetic my life is.

 

Smoking marijuana helps me solve two problems, my insomnia, and my depressing thoughts. The only down side to this is that I don't have the money to keep a steady flow of marijuana coming in. Life is just so much better while I'm high. It's like I have absolutely no stress, or even a care in the world. I become really creative and just in general a very happy person.

 

I don't know what to do anymore.

[spinstermanquee]

Is there anything else that you like besides getting high? That makes you feel good (maybe not as good... but that gives you pleasure)? Movies, sports, drawing, reading for pleasure, collecting anything?

 

Is there anyone at all you can talk to that's older and wiser? A school counselor, a teacher you can trust, a relative, a pastor?

 

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and glad you are reaching out to eNA. There's a lot of really great and caring people on these boards...

[spearntime]

Your problem may be caused BY the marijuana:

 

 

 

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[Turato]

Is there anything else that you like besides getting high? That makes you feel good (maybe not as good... but that gives you pleasure)? Movies, sports, drawing, reading for pleasure, collecting anything?

 

Is there anyone at all you can talk to that's older and wiser? A school counselor, a teacher you can trust, a relative, a pastor?

 

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way and glad you are reaching out to eNA. There's a lot of really great and caring people on these boards...

I like to read books on computer programming but I never like to tell anyone because I know that they will think I'm a geek or something. I just don't like to talk to anyone because I think that they don't care at all about me, I'm kind of just venting here.

 

And to the other person saying that Marijuana could be causing my depression, I honestly doubt that because even before I started (last March) I still had strong feels about suicide.

 

I'm lost, I don't feel like I belong anywhere. My life is simply empty.

[simply complicated]

Life can suck sometimes, and for me, it's been on a down hill slope for the last six years. Times got depressing, and I thought the way you did, about how life is almost predestined, school then work for the rest of your life. But thats just the reality of it, if there really wasn't anything else to live for, then believe me, everybody woulda killed themselves by 18.

 

As for the whole, caring what people think because you read computer programming books, you've gotta laugh at stuff like that, people who critisize you for that, will probably be the ones who end up killing bugs for a living, or serving your food at a restaurant while your on your way to hawaii or something...lol

 

Life was never meant to be taken seriously, so do yourself a favour and don't think about it too much.

[ATLstudent]

SO sometimes there are going to be periods of time in life where not much is going on, that it seems like you dont do anything important with your time.......learn how to deal with these moments, turn them into something positive. What you need to do is find some true interests and hobbies, if you dont share that with your friends it can be a bit distracting... Take some time for yourself, maybe at a coffee shop, somewhere public around people, but go by yourself, just spend time reflecting, and see what catches your thoughts, any desire or dream you have start planning on how to follow it.......for me it has been acting , whatever it may be for you....dont judge it just pursue it. Also maybe you need to be work on you relationships with the oppoiste sex, or same sex, whatever your preference

[em22]

Your problem may be caused BY the marijuana:

 

 

 

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Sorry, but that is BS. Every person react differently, it is not about drug itself, but about personality. I smoke marihuana too and never had such a feelings, even though i can relate to anything the op said, except i am already out of high school and in UNI there is nobody i could talk to, its just so annonymous and formal environment. I had to move schools in the past too, therefore i never have someone really close.

 

Life is a * * * * * , but you should just enjoy it while you can.