not enough interests to find someone I like

[throwaway2]

Okay, basically, I have very narrow-minded interests. Put simply: I'm a nerd. Practically the only things I do for fun are play video games, write computer software, watch movies, and listen to rock music. My problem is that I can't find a girl that I can actually click with. I used to be really intimidated talking to girls, but now I've gotten over that. My new problem is that once we start talking I can't find anything that we have in common, or (in the rare occurrence that we do have something in common) the girl is already in a relationship. I'm only 20, so I can't try the bar scene to meet girls, and I'm a computer science major, so I don't have many girls in any of my classes, in spite of my school being a very large university. My last date and my only relationship was two years ago, and being single sucks a lot. Any pointers?

[thetruth]

i am in the same situation. i have been with a lot of girls, but have never found a single one that shares my interests.

 

science, technology, computers, video games - and rock/alt music.

 

i am thinking the eharmony route - but that's only because i don't have any geekdom groups nearby. there is a site called "link removed" that lets you join groups based on location and interests - they will then notify you when there will be group meetings. they are used for everything from simply getting out to finding a SO.

 

maybe not that site, but there are plenty of other with a similar idea. i don't bother with the bar scene - the chances of meeting a girl that i can connect with on anything more than a physical level are slim to none ... those just aren't good enough odds for me

[kiwifruiti]

Haha, I have the same problem... but I'm a girl.

 

I go to a fairly large university too and I still find it hard to meet people with interests similar to mine (though my ex was a bit of a geek too so we could play videogames together and talk about movies, but that er... obviously didn't work out, hence the "ex" part). I'm not one for the bar scene either so I'm kind of at a loss as to where I should be looking.

 

So yes, after typing this out I realize that I don't actually have any advice to give, haha. It looks like thetruth has some good pointers though.

[ayekasong]

As a girl gamer and self-proclaimed "geek," I'd like to suggest attending gatherings that involve your interests. There are a lot of video game conventions (sometimes coupled with anime, but there is still a large gamer crowd) accross the U.S. and the world. You might have to travel a bit to attend these, but there are large and small ones everywhere. Although I'm no longer "on the market," I have made a lot of friends at these events. I know there are also computer and science related conventions out there, and I know there are clubs out there devoted to these interests.

 

The bar scene is overrated, anyway. You rarely meet people that you actually develop friendships/relationships with at bars.

[Lonewing]

Oh, you will find people at the bar scene. I most certainly did.

 

But you see, these type of people do not want to settle down. They may be content with a short term [3 month -3 year] relationship, but they are not long term material. So while we were perfect on a human level, she soon tired of my lifestyle and became stuck in a cage. And she flew out as soon as she could.

 

It's sad but true. She could not be calm.

[Angeliah]

Lol... I'm a girl, I love rock music, computer games, movies etc... I also happen to think that smart guys are very attractive!! You will find someone for sure... just be patient. Also, have you tried internet dating sites? These days it's one of the best ways to meet people with similar interests. The world is changing, these sites are no longer for "desperados", there are plenty of normal people on there just like you... Yeh, I agree also about attending computer conventions!!

[spearntime]

OH yeah...that describes my husband. Except the computer part. He's a lot of fun. He opened my world up to all that. He's fun.

[smiley1979]

You could try link removed

[throwaway2]

I feel like internet dating would be like finally admitting how desperate I am. I just want tips on how I may possibly be able to broaden my horizons and meet new people, if that's at all possible. I mean, people managed to find each other locally just fine for hundreds of years (if you start counting after the eras when women were treated like crap and marriages were arranged). I did check online for tech conventions and things of that sort in my area, but most of them are on the west coast or in Texas. I'm in New Jersey.

[cat_lady]

Or why not be open minded? Just because YOU like video games doesn't mean she has to.

 

My boyfriend is crazy about fantasy football and loves watching football on TV. I can't stand it. He comes over to watch football games on Monday nights, I go in the kitchen and make cookies. After he rants about the game and his team and how his day is going to suck tomorrow and I listen and I excitingly tell him about the new super cool mixed that I bought and he listens. I can't stand football and he doesn't know anything about mixer, but it still works.

[easyguy]

I think it depends on the person. If you have too many shared interests, you may end up being better off as friends. I met a young woman the other day who doesn't have much in common with me at all but there is such an electricity between us. Everyone is different, though, so I can't speak on behalf of all women.

 

A friend of mine once said "The type of relationship is defined by the energy more than anything", which I'm beginning to believe. Someone might sound like gold on paper, but if the vibe isn't happening, then you might feel like just friends. And there isn't necessarily a lot you can do about that. That's the funny thing about human relationships in general.

 

I get the sense that some of the strongest intimate relationships involve two people who have complimentary interests.

[thetruth]

I mean, people managed to find each other locally just fine for hundreds of years

 

not really. have you seen the failure rate of marriages? how many people have you known happily married vs ... ok ?

 

at least for myself i know far to many unhappy couples, that simply didn't put the effort necessary into finding someone good for them.

 

I would agree about every online dating site, except e-harmony. assuming the matchmaking process really works (and i believe it does) - then it just makes sense to find someone who matches you scientifically ... to me at least.

(if you start counting after the eras when women were treated like crap and marriages were arranged).

 

you're joking right? that still happens , especially in China and the Middle East. more marriages are arranged than "found"

[Lonewing]

I think it depends on the person. If you have too many shared interests, you may end up being better off as friends. I met a young woman the other day who doesn't have much in common with me at all but there is such an electricity between us. Everyone is different, though, so I can't speak on behalf of all women.

 

A friend of mine once said "The type of relationship is defined by the energy more than anything", which I'm beginning to believe. Someone might sound like gold on paper, but if the vibe isn't happening, then you might feel like just friends. And there isn't necessarily a lot you can do about that. That's the funny thing about human relationships in general.

 

I get the sense that some of the strongest intimate relationships involve two people who have complimentary interests.

 

The strongest intimate relationships involve two people who are mentally prepared for complete commitment to each other. Everything else that comes along is merely life. Interests in each other's lives may not cross or be only slightly similar, but that will not change hte nature of the relationship.

 

The perfect relationship is one where the partners are indeed complementy, though. If the people are supplementary, then they are just supplementing each other's lifestyles - which could be enabling one or the other towards a place where they are worse off. For example, one perosn could like drinking. The other person might not like drink much, but will if others drink. In the long run, that other person might very well end up in situaitons where alchoholism becomes a danger, merely because they have been enabled to go further than they might have if they were alone or with someone who had constraint.

[thetruth]

The strongest intimate relationships involve two people who are mentally prepared for complete commitment to each other. Everything else that comes along is merely life.

well said!

my personal saying:

as long as you are both willing to try, the rest is just details.

[Lonewing]

See, this was a problem in my relationship, I was completely committed to her 100% but she was still unsure and holding me to jsut be happy with this happy little moment and to enjoy it while it lasted. She was always hesitant to be completely commited to us, and even when she finally did decide on some days to be fully committed to OUR future, she still had a way of relapsing back into uncertain territory. She had to see how things worked, and how time went, before she could commit.. complete BS if you ask me.

 

But I am sure there are many like her.

[thetruth]

She had to see how things worked, and how time went, before she could commit.. complete BS if you ask me.

 

But I am sure there are many like her.

if you ask me, too. and yes, sadly, there are many more like her.

[dr_styles]

I feel like internet dating would be like finally admitting how desperate I am.

 

Heh, so familiar :sad:

[throwaway2]

When I mentioned an era where women are treated badly being over, I meant in western civilization as it applies to me. I know that sounds selfish, but the rest of the world is beyond the scope of this thread. As for the failure rate of marriages, it's only spiked in the past 40 years or so; we won't see how successful internet match-ups are by comparison for another few decades.

 

You guys mention complementary interests being important, but given the few interests that I mention that I have, what would you say is a good example of something complementary to me? Also, I'm of the mindset that I need to find at least some common ground with a girl so you can enjoy some common activities before you get to that couple scenario where one person talks about fantasy football and the other talks about a mixer (I'm not poking fun at this; just using it as an example). One other problem that strikes me is that pretty much the only date I can think of is dinner and a movie. I can't suggest bowling, which is the only other popular date cliche I can think of, because I bowled in a league for ten years, and it would just look like I was showing off.

[Lonewing]

Then Go SHOW OFF!!!

 

Dates are really as simple as some time together getting to know each other.

 

And another thing to consider, she might have an interest aht you might be kindled by, or even, you might develop one together.

 

Basically, in short, your only hurdle to getting a date are not your interests - it is YOU!