Starting to realise what made her leave..

[Amano Ginji]

I have been posting a lot about my situation lately.

These are some links to my previous posts.

 

 

 

 

Long story short, ex left me because she felt no connection with me. She did not see a future with me. She started having romantic conversations with a new guy, which i found out bout on my own, 2 weeks within the break up. She says she is pretty much single now, but i cant believe that can i? She told me this the last time i called her. Been NC sine a month now.

 

Anyway, i was just remembering a few of the conversations my ex and me had when were together. From time to time, she kept worrying about how much I would earn once I finish my post grad. She kept telling me her parents often spoke bout how they want her to get married to someone who earns really well. Everytime we had such a conversation, I always told her that in my field, it takes time to settle down and earn well. She was supportive, but at the same time, sounded disappointed whenever i told her i would take time to settle down in life.

 

I am just starting to realise, this is probably the most obvious reason why she said "I dont see a future with you". Considering that her parents are a orthodox. This new guy she was getting emotionally attached to is into shipping and earns a bomb. She might have probably realized that she could have a great future with this other guy. And decided to leave me.

 

I just got an email from the student job management officer of our college. 18 people from my class got selected for a job. I did not get through.

 

I thought she left cuz this guy was more attractive than me or somethin like that. But seems like this guy can give her the future she wants. I dont know if she is with him or not. But this whole realization is driving me crazy. What do i do. I was doing so well, until this realization came to my head.

[Imprecision]

It's not just because he earns more.

 

If you reassured her enough that you saw you two as a team, and that although your initial salary was low, you were committed to her and wanted a future with her, then she would have stayed.

 

A lesson for next time.

[Amano Ginji]

I told her i would earn really well. But it would take time.

And about telling her i wanted a future with her, I always did. Infact, Every other conversation that we had since the last one year always ended with a discussion of our future. And fantasizing about a married life with each other. So i guess there was more than enough reassurance from both sides about wanting to spend a lifetime together.

[Imprecision]

Okay, reading through your past posts, it seems my initial judgment was incorrect.

 

So why do you think she left you?

[coolchick64]

I've known women who think like this, especially when they're hearing it from their parents. It's sad. I think it's a big mistake on their part because they get into marriages where they're "kept" but not in love. There's not much you can do about it, though. She'll have to decide on her own whether that's her path. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who considered my earning potential a major part of the equation.

[thetruth]

i agree with coolchick - not everyone wants the same thing out of life.

 

some people want true love, some want physical beauty, some want money. some want none of those. she does sound like the type of girl who wants money - especially if she brought it up specifically, and you know her parents instilled that into her.

[Diddy323]

I've known women who think like this, especially when they're hearing it from their parents. It's sad. I think it's a big mistake on their part because they get into marriages where they're "kept" but not in love. There's not much you can do about it, though. She'll have to decide on her own whether that's her path. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone who considered my earning potential a major part of the equation.

 

I think it is foolish to discount someone's earnings when considering a future together. We've all heard it before, one of the most significant factors in divorce is money. It is one of the largest stresses on everyday life and can destroy otherwise good relationships. Now I'm not saying that's the case here. But, if someone feels that money will be a significant stress on their lives, that can play a huge part in their decision. However, I think if 2 people are that far apart in terms of financial needs/wants, chances are there's other factors at play as well.

[thetruth]

well it's all about what you place importance on , and what you feel you need out of life.

 

if you place importance on status, and having things - you will be concerned about wealth.

if you place importance on love, and relationships - money will not matter to you.

 

again - it is absolutely necessary to recognize that different people want different things out of life. i personally care little about money - though i have a good job, own my own company as well - i make a fair amount.

 

but that is not what matters to me in life , so i try to keep that out of my relationships. i need to find someone who likes me, and wants to be with me - not my money.

[heloladies21]

Important to realize that what you have realized is not reality. Money had nothing to do with it, she left you because she didn't value you anymore (lack of respect). This is directly tied into your self esteem and ability to stick up for yourself. She went with this other guy because he just happened to come along and provide that emotional spark she desired. She is just reverse rationalizing that she's doing it for the money, maybe for herself, maybe for you, the purpose is irrelevant.

 

You have to become a stronger MAN if you ever desire to have the relationship you aim for.

[moonbug]

Amano, welcome to the club!

 

Just be assured that if you did really screw up and she did give it a fair try from her side to get you to understand her needs, then this realization will stand you in good stead for the future. She may or may not come back. But you live and you learn. So far, you were probably just living. Now you are learning. It will help you. Sucks that this girl couldn't be the one to benefit from your learning. But thats life.

 

Keep trying to be a better person and one day good stuff will start to happen. Trust in that thought.

 

Good Luck man.

[Real]

My analysis of what the original poster wrote and also what helloladies21 said can be combined together to get an understanding of why the girl left. She did leave you because of your current financial situation along with the assumption of what your future earning potential may be. User "helloladies" said that she left you because she saw no value in you any longer. That statement is also true, but what I feel he missed, is that she placed the value of you also on your finances. Value = Money. This is a trend that has been going on since the dawn of time and I don't see it changing anytime soon. Even when you look at the rest of the species on the planet, you will see that the female choose the male that has a higher value whether it be being bigger, flashier, have better nest, etc, etc and for us as Humans, Money has become what we place that value on. Even a man probably will not stay with a woman who is not making some kind of money or at least trying, if he himself does not have the money to provide for the both of them. At least one person in the relationship must make enough money to support both people and children or both individuals together make enough to support all in the family. When she didn't see this or couldn't see this in her future from you, she bounced and it's instincts to find a mate that can provide that for her and her parents urging also made it easier to do. It sucks, but let's be real, that is the way it is. Look at the divorce rate and you will see that the #1 cause if Financial..

 

You are not the only one that this has happened to and trust me it can be devastating to someone who loves another. She probably did like or even love you, but her drive for being able to maintain a certain kind of lifestyle through financial security overrode the like or love for you and she chose to find that somewhere else. Now she may end up with someone who has the finances and also loves her or she could wind up with someone who possess the finances but doesn't love her, but that's not for you to think about. I personally as a man want a woman who wants me for me and my love of her and not my money or financial status, but that is a fantasy and hogwash. It sucks likes like a lollipop, but Love alone is not enough to keep a relationship going, you need money and security. Fact of life, at least here is the western society that we live in. Many people will dispute my statement, but when we really become honest with ourselves and stop trying to be politically correct, then we will all see that what I am saying is true. Again my friend, trust me you are not the only one this has happened to and you will not be the last one that it will happen to. Cheer up and now you have to go and take care of yourself Mentally & Emotionally first, then work on physical aspect. Actually work on all three at the same time. Then work on getting your finances better for you. Remember I said for you. Hopefully then, a woman will come along that will love you more for you than your finances and stays during the tough times, although statistically most will not considering the culture that we live in.