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over the knee spanking in school


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I have been doing much research here where I live, in rural Canada.

I have heard of students, both boys and girls, getting the strap on the hands but I received something quite different. I(male) got spanked in school.

I know that alot of young people are going to be responding to this and I really dont want to start a big nasty debate causing this to be locked out.

Many of the younger generation think that us OLDER folk should just put this ancient history behind us and to a point I agree. The thing that has me still shaking my head is that I was spanked in the classroom. This was not THE PADDLE. This was me being draped over the teachers lap and my pants and underwear pulled down to my feet and my shirt pushed up to my neck. This was done while all of the other students( 7-8 year old boys and girls) watched. They were told to sit still with hands folded out front and the next one to make a sound would be next. This was done at the front of the classroom in clear view of everyone.

This wonderful educator took her hand to me hard and long. I held back tears as long as I could but eventually began to cry and cry out. It was mixed with "a talking to" or lecture, where I was made to answer questions and promise to behave. This with her hand resting and rubbing my bare buttocks! She asked "What did I say?" and "What did I say I would do to you if I caught you doing that again?" I had to answer " Spank me" ..in front of everyone! Imagine this happening to an 8 year old today. She asked " Are you going to behave?"...." Whats going to happen the next time?" .... This was one in a series of similar "spankings." All previous were pants up. I was the only child to be punished that way in her classroom. Just me.

Now all these years later I am wondering why it didnt happen to other kids. As far as I know, no other child was "spanked" like this.

My question is this...did anyone else ever get spanked on bare bottom in class in elementary school in Canada or elsewhere?

The last beating I got from her was the strap with my pants down. That was in private at least. Except for a teacher witness. That was also over the knee. It was extremely traumatic and caused tremendous shame being stood up nude and dressing in front of everyone with her hands holding my shirt up under my arms and my pants and underwear at the floor. Next to complete nudity in front of my neighbors and friends and relatives. I wasn't even allowed to cover myself. When I tried I was threatened with going over her knee again right then and there. That was the same as when she was unbuttoning my pants and opening my zipper. Its only natural to put your hands in the way to stop it. She yelled at me to keep my hands out of the way when my pants were nearly falling down loose off my hips. I remember not wanting everyone to see my underwear. I now know what a spanking looks like and I know what they would have seen. It was insane. They would have watched my bottom turning three shades of red. This was 1973. Was this allowed,was this common? I cant be alone. This is the kind of thing that happens in homes not school, right?

I have suffered years of torment over this. Alcohol, drugs, extreme social anxiety. Trouble with relationships trust and I hate authority. P.T. S. D. and I.B.S and many other side effects. I was taunted and made fun of all through my childhood from this. In my adulthood it would be brought up at parties.."remember when". I would just want to crawl under a rock and die.

Please tell me that I'm not the only person on this earth that was punished like this in school.

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Thats what I am saying. I have never heard of this happening anywhere. No, this was not residential school. This was regular public school. Just a regular school Nova Scotia.

The only other instance that I witnessed of this going on from this woman was an episode with my best friend that same year/period. I was the only other one in that closed room other than that woman. She spanked him bare bottom over her knee and he begged her to stop and get this, he actually threatened to tell on her. He cried that his parents were on the school board and he would have her fired. That was the only other instance I ever witnessed any of that in school. She tanned his backside right there in front of me.

We kept it secret. My friend died about 15 years ago so I guess its safe to mention.

I brought it up once in our teen years and he totally denied that it was pants down so I just let it go. The look on his face was embarrassment. How did he think I felt having it done in front of 25-30 kids. Laws....what laws. It was legal back then wasn't it? It was condoned and even encouraged I'm told. I'm guessing they mean the strap on hands. What she did was sick. I would love to find her and sue. Ive blocked out her face and name. I dont have a clue who she is. I have been collecting school photos in hopes of finding the one with her in it. The class picture. No luck. Unless I already have it and dont recognize her. I have memory problems associated with what happened. During the strapping in the teachers lounge I blanked out. I dont know what happened until my next memory is me leaning against a wall in the hall balling my eyes out unable to sit.

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You know, part of me knows why other people might tell you to 'just let it go', but

I can also see why you're having such a genuinely hard time with that.

Spanking is degrading, pure and simple.


She may have honestly thought that she knew what was right in terms of how best to discipline children.

But that doesn't mean that it was O.K..

It was wrong that she did what she did.

This is precisely why such punishment is no longer legal in most places.


You know, it sounds like your friend who died had blocked the spanking from his memory

It's very well likely that this happened to other kids who may not have found it traumatising in the same way that you have, or at least were able to deal with the memories differently.

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I agree with you Odile. I think there must be other people out there somewhere that she did this to. I am betting that none of them are in any hurry to dredge that all back up either. Its no surprise we dont hear about it.

My guess is that there are quite a few men in my community that suffer all sorts of emotional problems. Problems with drugs and depression alcohol too. I dont imagine I was the first that came along in her sights. That would be naive thinking. I believe she had her way with boys long before I arrived and my guess is she did to others after me.

When did corporal punishment actually stop in school in Canada?

So you can see why I am looking for anyone else that this has happened to. Maybe I wouldn't feel like I'm from Mars. I am confronting it and trying to put it all in its place. Lagal action would be nice but I cant see that happening.

I would gladly have traded the strap to my hands than this. Its hard to let go when its there as soon as you get up in the morning and you take it to bed at night. I feel branded.

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Never have I heard that. Not even sane parents do that. I'm guessing there was no restriction on that in your school because if any teacher would try that then for sure they would get possible fired right away followed by a child molestation charge. What she did was not only spanking, it goes all the way to being called a child molestor, she's a sick pervert. You may want to talk to a counselor about this and filed a lawsuit, it's never too late...

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I am trying to put it in perspective by finding someone else that went through that as well. So far I have found none and people say its unbelievable. Well now they know how I feel.

That school is now closed and I actually found the courage about a month ago to go down and go inside. The first time I have been in that building in 36 years and my legs were wobbly for sure. I personally feel someone should be held accountable. There are no lack of witnesses. Someone must remember out of all those kids.

I guess if I found out it was a normal thing done to kids in school then I wouldn't feel so alone. So far no luck. I do however have plenty of accounts of the strap on children's hands at this school and others around here. These were kids as young as first grade.

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I have this thing, this feeling, where I am sure she was/is younger than my mother and my mother at 72 is going strong.

I recall "parent teacher" nights. I remember going to the school with my parents and them meeting my teachers. I cant be sure about this, but I believe it was after these meetings took place that she began giving me these spankings.

I also recall my mother getting a phone call the same day that I received the "bare bottom" spanking. This woman teacher called my house that evening and told my mother what had happened, what she had done.

I remember my mom calling me into the hall where the old wall mounted "crank'" phone was if anyone remembers those old phones. Everyone was on a party line and when the phone rang you had to count the ring pattern to see if it was for you or your neighbor.

Anyway, I distinctly remember my mother asking me to show her how far my pants and underwear had been pulled down. I remember showing her and the great embarrassment that my mother now knew everything.

My mother knew what was going on. I have this belief that my parents may have consented to it at one of those meetings. Mom didnt seem so shocked that it happened. To this day I have never brought it up. It has always been an unresolved issue between my mother and I. I wonder did she let it happen.

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It's unthinkable in this day and age, I agree.

Think about it this way: maybe there aren't that many people now who were spanked at school, but there are many kids who were spanked at home.

This, too, is something that for years was considered the best way to discipline a child; now many see it as abuse.


It sounds to me like you will have to forgive your mother for not knowing any better.


If she is still going strong, and you have a good relationship otherwise, then it might be helpful if you could talk to her about it.

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Well I do have a good relationship with her. I dont hold it against her but I wish I could discuss it. Anytime I even hint at bringing up the past she gets all defencive and that look on her face. She will say that I'm bringing up stuff that happened long ago. She pretty much slams on the brakes.

I dont bother anymore. She might even remember the woman's name. I know my twin cousins remember the whole thing in great detail but I feel so awkward asking who she was, what her name is. I dont like talking to them about it unless I'm drunk.

They told me that they were sent to the office once and hand strapped. Lucky them.

Alot went on that year. Another of my friends was killed by a local drunk driver when he was 7-8. One day we were playing at school and the next day he was gone. Very painful. No grief counselors then. No one even talked to me about it. We were also good if not best friends at the time.

I remember crying at home and scratching and scratching at the class picture until I had him rubbed out. I did this to that teacher as well. I have a foggy vague memory of destroying all of my school pictures from back then. That is why I am looking for copies of them now.

I'm no head shrink but it sounds like I was one very mixed up traumatized little kid. I held so much in, mixed with other abuse at home its no wonder I had so much rage. For which I also got punished for. Not a particular pleasant childhood.

The question remains though.....did anyone else ever experience "spanking" at school?

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Hi Shoreline and welcome to ENA.

You're not the only one this happened to. I'm from Canada as well (Toronto) and when I was in Grade Four there was a boy in my class who had a similar experience. The teacher picked on him throughout the school year relentlessly. She would single him out for doing things that others in the class were doing as well, like talking during worktime, nothing major. He never did anything that was really wrong or out of the ordinary, just a bit of trouble with paying attention. Today he likely would have be diagnosed as ADHD and would be given special consideration rather than the verbal and physical abuse that she heaped on him.


It started with her sending him to stand in the corner on several occasions, followed by over the knee spankings and this culminated into a pants down spanking in front of whole class. It was awful and I've thought about him many times since then. I wish that some of us in the class had realized how wrong this was on the teacher's part,but ofcourse we were only about 8 years old and frightened that we might be next. I imagine that even if it had been reported to anyone,nothing would have been done anyway...teachers were allowed to do pretty much whatever they wanted to do back then. This woman was a horrible teacher and had a real mean streak in her, she was very cruel in many ways.


I'm really sorry that you were subjected to this. It must have been very embarrassing and demeaning for you. I know that it isn't any comfort for you to know that this happened to others, but at least you have an answer to your question.


As for your mom, I think that parents of our generation were less likely then we are to question the opinions or intervene on the actions of authority figures such as teachers, priests, doctors, etc. I truly believe that at the time they didn't know know any better and it's only since situations like this have surfaced in the media that people of our parent's age realize that many of us were put into situations like the one you're describing and the long term effects that it can have. You're mom probably feels tremendous guilt over allowing this to happen (if she had given the teacher authority before hand) or for not doing anything about it afterwards. She may have been afraid to "make waves", which wasn't uncommon for women back then. I hope for your sake that you can learn to forgive your mom...I'm sure she did the best she could with the tools and knowledge that she had had the time.


Again, I'm really sorry that you had to go through this and I hope that you're able to do whatever is needed to put your mind at rest.

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I don't want to go into specifics on a public forum, but if you'd like to pm me I'll give you the name of the school and the name of the teacher. (I'm pretty sure you have enough posts to be ble to use the pm function.) I'll be going out shortly, so if I don't see your pm before I leave I'll be sure to respond to you today.

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Hi Greensleevs.

My school problems also started out as corner time. I failed grade one and had to repeat. By about grade 2-3 is where the trouble started.

This woman began sending me to the corner. every day it seemed. Not allowed to turn around, look or speak. She began moving this portable display board or chalk board with legs between me and the class. This isolated me even more. The kids were always younger and I being the big kid the older kid was being made an example of.

Corner time was often and the children would giggle and whisper as I stuck my nose into the corner "and dont move!"

One day to my shock she called me up front where she was hauling out a chair. Front and center she sat down and lifted me up and laid me on top of her legs. I didnt know what was going on. She began to pound my pants and I was soon in great discomfort. I would be sent back to my desk with a warm seat to sit on. Very embarrassing. Considering it only happened to me.

This went on for what I would say was weeks. Maybe every day, every second day. Maybe 2 or 3 times in a week. It was often! I grew used to it though and what was once quite painful and embarrassing was growing normal. I was getting accustomed to it for sure. These were usually no less than 20 strikes on the back of my clothed bottom while draped over her lap staring at the floor.

One day she really scared me when she took me over her lap and I felt her hand inside my pants. Her fingers were reaching under the waist band of my pants and she was pulling. She stopped though and I felt the elastic waist band of my briefs " snap" against my skin. We only wore briefs in those days, remember? She went on spanking me as normal though. Each time seemed to take longer and more smacks were involved. She was becoming so frustrated. These were angry spankings and were done to cause pain. It was done hard!

Many times I returned to my seat to squirm uncomfortably at the sting and heat. This was always done before corner time now. I would be spanked over her lap in front of the class and then made to stand in the corner.

I would say that the spankings were increasing to probably 25-30 whacks lasting up to 2 minutes start to finish for the whole miserable procedure to be over.

Standing in the corner after and not allowed to rub the pain out of your rear end.

One day we were doing something that required us to be up from our desks, we were doing some project. We were ALL up around her desk. She suddenly complained and threatens. "The next one who walks behind my desk is going to get it" Well big surprise...it was I that got pushed or funneled so that I had to walk around behind her.

She grabbed me and screamed for the other children to return to their seats. This meant hands out front folded and sitting quietly. She hauled me out front and took out the chair. She sat down and pulled me close and unbuttoned my pants and opened my zipper. I stare down and watched helplessly as this was happening, terrified! I watched as her fingers pushed against my underwear front. I pulled away and its just reflex to cover yourself when someones hand is touching you "down there" It tickles.

She lifted me up and draped me accross her lap. She pushed my shirt way up to my neck and even over each shoulder. I squirmed as her hand grabbed my pants. I grasped for the chair legs and pushed myself up to try and twist around and look back. To somehow stop her but was unable to even reach back before I felt my pants going down. The back first and a second tug to pull them out from beneath me and down to my feet.

At this point I thought that maybe I still had my underwear still up. I then felt her hand rest on my bare skin(bottom) and knew that I was totally naked. This is also when I realized that her lap was bare/unclothed as well. I was naked laying on top of her bare legs.

She then lifted me up and placed me further forward. Further over her lap and I was hanging upside down.

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.....Continuing from above:

This woman just lifted me up and placed me further forward. I am hanging upside down now with blood rushing to my head and my shirt has fallen to cover much of my head and expose my shoulders. I feel this lump in my throat and my mouth is so dry.

The room is deathly silent from where the children had stirred only moments earlier. They had become noisy when my pants were going down. It was then that she threatened ..."Quite..the next one who makes a sound will be next."

Guess what....no more sound...other than the sound a hand makes when slapping bare skin hard. It stung more than anything. It wasn't long until my eyes filled with tears and I think it was more out of humiliation than pain..at first anyway. The spanking went on steady and angry. My bottom went from just stinging to stinging badly with warmth to heat.

I was in tears from pain now. I resisted. I grabbed those chair legs and pushed myself up as best I could against her elbow and arm. I tried to twist around to see what was going on and arching my back in resistance against her as she just continued slapping.

I became completely exhausted and broken and could no longer resist. My hands lost grip and slid down the chair legs where I ended up where I started. Only now I was too tired to fight and could only lay limp and still as the bottom slapping continued. My eyes were filled with tears and I couldn't resist crying out any longer. I was completely broken physically and mentally. My bottom was getting numb. I remember the feeling going away somehow. More of a constant dull ache. I guess if you spank long enough you wont feel it anymore. At this point I am just holding on to the chair legs staring at the polished tile floor and sobbing with each smack. At this point of laying still exhausted I notice that I am being rocked forward and back on top of her bare legs. How hard do you have to slap a child ass in order to actually push their little body forward. These spankings are sexually abusive. I have read that things can happen to a child while being spanked. Their body can have a "reaction" even though they are being painfully beaten. Rocking a child's naked body against your naked lap is sexual abuse in my opinion. Ill just leave it that.

I had witnessed spankings before and I knew what these classmates were seeing. I knew that my rear end was going from white to pink to red to very red. I think I left my body really. Finally after what could have been 3 minutes of continuous slapping she stopped. She lectured me and made me answer questions while punctuating questions with a smack. I had to answer correctly.

She dressed me. She put me on my feet with her hands holding my shirt up where it couldn't fall for cover. My pants at the floor. I was nude. Front and back nude infront of everyone and with a nice red backside.

For what?......walking behind her desk!

She dressed me. Her hands down my pants tucking my shirt in. I went back to my desk and folded my arms and put my head down and cried.

Its a wonder I never got another spanking for that. You know...not paying attention with my head down. Yet another time I couldn't sit in that old wooden desk

Not pleasant having this happen in a small school. This "NEWS" spreads quickly and I am soon being bullied and pict on and embarrassed in the playground. Kids telling other kids what happened and then the whole school know. A small country school. It followed me to the bus stop and to all my community friends. They all loved to talk about it...what they saw. I just wanted death. Crawl under a rock.

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I am wondering about the lack of responses to this question.


The lack of responses might mean that there just aren't that many people out there that were spanked in school this way or witnessed such events. Which is a good thing.

Or the lack of responses to my question is because people dont want to discuss the awful events, they just dont care to talk about them and write them down.

Perhaps the lack of responses to this question is because spanking over the teachers lap in class was extremely rare thus proving my point that I had a rare and unbelievable sad experience for which I am totally alone.


Perhaps there needs to be a study done on the subject. There has to be more than a couple of people abused like this in school

I know its an uncomfortable subject but I would appreciate your input folks. Thanks.

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Just thought I'd respond since you said there is a lack of posts.


I have never even heard of anything like this in my entire life. There is no way I can tell you if it is common. The only thing I do know is that you need some serious help to move past this. Another thing you should do is ask you mother what her role was. She does know what happened to you, but she didn't actually witness how horrific it was. Talk to her.

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I do appreciate your comment. Its better than no comment at all because at least I'm getting others view. Your childhood days are different than mine. You saw things that I never saw.

I haven't found anyone other than Greensleeves who has witnessed anything like that let alone actually experienced it personally. I guess if enough people say that they never heard or saw such a thing than I can put it to rest and come to terms with the fact that yes, I was the only one.

I would like to hear from teachers really. Specifically retired teachers from that era. Does anyone know if there is a place to ask these teachers for their opinion. I would like to hear them try to justify what was done. Even an apology would be nice.

I often wonder was I really a bad kid. I have asked the older set and they say that compared to today's standards, we were angels.

I cringe to think what that woman was capable of with her own children or babysitting etc. God, if she was brazen enough to pull that stuff in full public view, what did she do behind closed doors?

I know its weird to say, but I wouldn't have minded so much if she at least had the decency to do it in private. I myself, am not even against spanking.

I was just your typical skinny white kid living in the country. And pretty damn cute back then too. I wonder what possessed her to bully me. Maybe because I was short. I was wee.

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I can hardly read your story, shoreline. It even scares me to hear it, and I think I've heard the worst. I can't imagine if I had known my sons had been treated that way in their school. You are certainly not the only child that was treated this way. I have heard of much worse. Here is an example of a recent story in the news. Just happened to think of it a few minutes ago.


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I have also recently read some of these stories. The White House Boys is a perfect example of how sadistic some people are. They clearly enjoy whipping these young men...and boys until bloody. They must have enjoyed it, they must have gotten their jollies off on watching the buttocks of little boys welt and bleed and them scream and beg for mercy, forgiveness.

Did my teacher also suffer from this sadistic tendency as well? Did it excite her? She must have enjoyed it because in my opinion used every available opportunity to take a little boy accross her lap and slap their bottoms.

My friend and I both. That leads me to my original question...why only me and my friend? Did she sense that she could get away with it? Were we the type of children that predators prey on? Were we insure and vulnerable?

Most people, in my opinion, dont have the stomach to relentlessly beat a child as it screams and cries for mercy. How does one do that? How does a teacher think that what she is doing is going to benefit the child? How is humiliating them and beating them nude and public going to make them grow up to be well adjusted contributing members of society?

Did she think what she was doing was right? Did they teach her that a Teachers College?

Why didnt she then take all or most of the boys up front and spank them too? Why not the girls? Perhaps she was a boy hater, man hater. Perhaps she lived in the community and knew many of the parent and maybe she was friends with them. It would be then that she wouldn't take a friend's child over her lap in class. Maybe if she did it to the wrong persons kid she would get her head knocked off.

I think she knew what she was doing. I dont think it was random at all. I think she has done this to many boys before and after me. I think she may have done it to other boys in private the same time she was doing it to me. How would anyone know? I really dont think any little boy who was just spanked pants down in a total private room is going to go telling their friends or parents. They wouldn't risk further humiliation. I know I wouldn't have told a soul EVER if it had been done to me in secret. I never would have told my parents. And looking back now, with the power and authority she had over me, she could have done it to me every day and I would never have squealed. Kids back then didnt tell...remember? She could have done to me like those boys at White House had done to them. I wouldn't say anything. I would have been too scared of getting another spanking for it.

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I have read that children who are/were spanked can become aggressive. These children hit others and they display anti social behavior.

I have read that some children who witness certain language and acts of aggression on t.v. can have a tendency to act them out in real life. Both of these things hold true to me.

I clearly remember as a child hopping around pretending to be spider man and slinging my webs and repeating catch phrases from tv like ..."Dynamite!"


The effects of being spanked infront of all of my community were devastating. I was withdrawn and didnt trust anyone. I began judging people and asking why is it they can do what they please and get away with it, but when I do It, I get punished. I still carry these traits today. A deep sense of injustice and right and wrong.


This leads me to my experience with the strap. It was a day like any other. I was on the playground playing like children do. I was being aggressive though.

I was pretending to be "Steve Austin"...."The Six Million Dollar Man." I watched this show at home and loved it in 73. I cant tell you if I was aggressive because of being hit or because its a normal part of play and imagination to escape into make believe and pretend to be someone else.


I had grabbed this boy by the arm and like I saw on tv, I flipped him over my shoulder where he landed in the gravel rocks and got up quickly as if to fight but did not. To this day I cannot remember who this guy is.

All of a sudden this woman teacher....the same teacher who has been spanking me, came out in a rage it seemed. She stormed right over to where I was standing,frozed like a deer in the headlights, and took me by the hand and led me into the school. My legs were weak and I felt sick. My body was going numb. I remember the fear. I knew what was coming and it terrified me. I also knew that there was no stopping it.


A little girl came running to catch up and when she did she asked the teacher if she was going to give me a spanking. I cant remember the woman's response, I just remember the grip her big hand had on mine. We entered the school from the back entrance and headed down the hall. I didnt know where we were headed or what was going on because she did not speak.

She took a left turn and pulled me into the teachers lounge and with all these children wondering about out in the hall they became quite curious. I remember the door closing as they gathered just outside the room straining to see. I imagine that the word of my impending punishment spread like wildfire, especially after I had a history of being taken over her knee. By this time the whole school likely knew I was being spanked in class and they perhaps figured that this is what was about to take place now. They wouldn't want to miss it.


You have to remember this is a small community. Every one knows everyone and their dogs. These are nieghbors and friends and relatives. Very close knit.

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I remember standing in the teachers lounge. This was an "off limits" kind of place, like you parents bedroom. There was another person in here. A teacher? It was a man and he witnessed the whole thing.


I had such a sense of dread and fear. I was so small and so scared. I was so alone and there was no one going to save me. The door closed heavy and loud noises today make me jump.


There was a light brown couch, smooth like leather maybe. I was stood here and in front of the couch was a low coffee table. I saw her walk over and take something out of a drawer. It was the strap. I dont think it was a belt. Things really began to unravel for me here. I'm practically peeing down my leg.

She sat on the couch and I was standing as I always am, to her side and staring at her lap. I remember thinking is this man going to leave, why is he here. I dont recall much conversation. She had the strap with her but I dont know where she put it in order to strip me of my clothing.

She proceeded to put her fingers inside the front of my pants like usual. I had to submit, I always had to submit. She unbuttoned my pants and opened my zipper and took my pants and underwear to the floor in one quick motion while I'm in the standing position. I remember to window open and I could hear children playing freely and happily outside in the playground.

I remember the cool breeze coming in through that window and against my nude body. I dont recall if she removed my shirt completely or just lifted it high up under my arms. I do remember standing there with so much shame and staring down at my privates. I was now naked from my chest to my socks.


I was pulled accross her lap as usual. I remember thinking it wasn't really happening, it wasn't really going to happen the way it SEEMS like its going to happen. This is the same thing I thought when she pulled my pants down in class. I was in denial because this stuff doesn't really happen. Right?

I believe I was having a mental breakdown or leaving my body.


The breeze through the window now flowed and caressed my completely bared back and legs. I knew I was nude and I knew a man was standing and watching. I remember some sort of talking or conversation or rebuke perhaps.


I remember trying to find something to brace against for support. I remember staring at the floor, again almost upside down. I see the couch and there is nothing to grab on to there. The table is too far away. I remember laying still in wait! The breeze against my nudity and then the weapon, the strap is resting against my bare skin. My bare buttocks. And we wait and wait.

Once the strap was used it was relentless. It was painful beyond description. It was then that I squirmed and twisted and tried to find something to hold, to grab, to push against.

I put my right hand on her left ankle. I remember it felt like I wasn't allowed to touch a teacher. I remember it was an uncovered ankle and I felt extremely uncomfortable grasping and clutching her "body part." The thought was that if I did I would get into trouble.

A student NEVER touched or laid a hand on an adult or teacher back then. A kid NEVER talked back to a teacher back in those days. I was unable to arch my back in resistance. I had nothing in which to hold. I was not able to "clench" by bottom against the beating it was receiving. I wasn't able to resist in anyway and I was taken by her. She took my soul that day. In a way I feel as though I was raped by her.


The whipping continued and I hear no sound. Everything is slow motion and things get fuzzy and disappear. I am succumbed by white light and the pain disappears and its completely silent now. Like the time I drowned as a kid.


I do not remember her dressing me, standing me up. I dont remember the door opening or the conversation she must have had with the man. Its all locked away just waiting for the therapist to find.


My next memory, after everything went white, is being in the hallway alone and crying. I dont know what to do with myself or what I am allowed to do. This has led me today to the point where I cant make decisions. I am unable to make up my mind. I am afraid of the consequences if I'm wrong. Ive carried that my whole life.


I was unable to see the error in my actions and got spanked. I was unable to figure out how to avoid her punishment so I just dropped out. I became a loner that trusted no one. I stopped doing anything. I stopped contributing in group events and in this way avoided her beatings. I disappear. I became invisible. I no longer drew attention to myself.

Standing in the hallway after that beating I was a changed little boy. My bottom was hotter than an oven and stung to the point that there was no comfortable position to alleviate the pain. I took the bus ride home with my bum up off of the seat.

I have to wonder, did my mother not notice the marks or bruises on my bottom at bath time. Did the teacher call again and tell my mother what had happened? I recall no such phone call this time. My mother did not interview me for details this time. Its all secret. I tell old classmates today and they cant believe it! They remember when I got spanked with my pants down in class but not many know of the abuse in the teachers lounge.

I have never told my now 72 year old mother

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