Did I do the rigth thing?

[bankofthewest]

To give you a little back story.

 

Had my 1st real love back in HS when I was 15. We where each others 1st in almost everything. Broke up shortly before HS ended. Both moved on happy, but still kept in touch (talked maybe 2 times a year) this went on for 10 years. Which brings us to now and here is the situation.

 

Last November she called me just like always around my Bday, but it was different this time we ended up hanging out and realized how in love with each other we both still are. During this time she had a b/f with which she has been with for 6 years. I told her I don't want to do anything with her while she is not single, she swore she would break up with him and we hung out not doing anything until she said its over with the b/f. We started hanging out a lot, having sex every single day everything was really cool. After a few months of this I kind of got on the topic of so where is this going? Are we just having sex or what? I was looking for more.

 

Before I go on, I have never had any problems getting girls or dating, I always have a few girls in my life and I was ready for a real g/f. I still however had random girls hitting me up on my cell and she happen to see some "I want you tonight" txts.

 

So she said "I don't think you are ready to be in a relationship, I don't think I can deal with all these txts you get all the time". I understood, slowly cut all the girls out and chilled a few more months. Around July 4th we got in to an argument again about us, with me telling her look I have cut all these girls out I am serious about you. She said shes just not ready yet. Didn't talk for 2 weeks after which I got a few txts " I can't live without you, I love you, your my soul mate... I am a mess without you!". Ok we started hanging out again but this time it was a big different, she would always have to "go" before 8 and she would only text me from that point on, never call and if I called she wouldn't pick up. I was cool with it, didn't care that much.

 

A month goes by and again the topic comes up (at this point we have been hanging out, having sex spending most of the day together for about 9 months) she tells me "she sees a future with me, kids and all which she has never done with anyone before and just needs time to get her life together blah blah blah and can't commit to me right now and just wants to hang out." I said ok what ever, sex was amazing and I really cared for this girl, so who am I to complain when a beautiful girl wants to have sex with me all the time A few days later, I find out by total accident, that she is still very much with her ex.

 

I didn't lose my cool, just hit her up and said its done for good, I am not looking for just sex, I have all the sex I need. She seemed very hurt got up and left. She has texted me a few times since but I have no replied to any of her texts and don't plan to unless it's a text saying "I want to be with you!".

 

I really really cared/care for this girl, I just don't get it. We spend 10 months together, it was 10 months of none stop sex and I know there is real love between us... 11 years in the making. I understand that she has been with this guys for 6 years, but I know the dude he's one of those "nice" guys and she has told me many many times that she feels like his her good friend, there is no sexual or any kind of attraction to him.. but he does take care of her, pays all her bills and what not. I would never do that.

 

The only thing I can think of is, she is so insecure of her self that she is scared to be with me in fear of losing a sure thing (her bf which would never cheat/leave her) and me cheating on her or I am i totally wrong and all she wanted was sex??? and was I wrong to cut her off? I mean I am guy, guys aren't suppose to care as long as we are getting the sex?? Right? or am I wrong and it's ok to feel used, even if your a guy?

 

Again the sex was amazing.

[livelove]

It's okay to feel used even if you are a guy. However I think she was using you for what was lacking in her relationship- which was the chemistry. She knows her current boyfriend will be there for support yet she knows you will be there for sex. It's like that saying, she wants her cake and eat it too (something like that). I think it was a moment of confusion but kudos for you that you kept your cool. It's not worth spending so much time on a person whose indecisive. Also, the fact that you two have such a long history together is what makes her turn to you for comfort. Maybe the thought of leaving her current 6-year relationship is too much for her to handle. Maybe she mentally can't "start over" so to speak in a new relationship even though you two have been together for a while. I feel like cutting her out of your life may be for the better. If you two end up together your past may cause more drama- there's more things to bring up in an argument, even if it happened many years ago. If its meant to be it will happen by itself. I just think she has many insecurities and turned to you for what was missing in her current relationship, but doesn't want to risk losing what she has with her current bf (even if it is just for security reasons). Hope it helped. Good luck.

[bankofthewest]

^ That is what my gut it telling me also.

[livelove]

^ That is what my gut it telling me also.

 

Always, ALWAYS, go with your gut feeling. Good luck.