kattyroo Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My boyfriend and I have a beautiful realtionship, the only thing is we only see each other once a week (if even). He swears I'm the only one he wants, and the way he looks at me leads me to realise that he's telling the truth. He lives and works about 150 miles away and that is our biggest problem in a huge house with two guys and 5 other girls, 3 of whom are single. I don't want this to be an issue butI find that I am becoming increasingly insecure with this situation. I wonder what happens in the house during the week, do they throw parties, do they go out together etc. One girl in particular he talks about frequently and they go gymming and shopping together. Just feel a bit uneasy as I have been hurt before and I dont knwo whether to continue this relationship as I just have an uneasy feeling about it. Any advice greatly appreciated Link to comment
Mia_of_Doom Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Think of it this way: He's communicating to you. He's being open and telling you what he does with his friends. If he were hiding something, he wouldn't be telling you about hanging out with this girl. If he shows and tells you he's committed to you, then believe him. Until you have a reason not to, trust him. Don't let your past baggage get in the way of something good. Link to comment
danielle1973 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 learn from my mistakes - trust him, don't let it get to you. He is not the same person who hurt you before, and punishing him for the mistakes of someone in your past isn't fair to him...or to YOU. Link to comment
kattyroo Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 but i simply don't know what to do with this, how do youlearn how to trust? or can you learn? Link to comment
danielle1973 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I wish I could answer that for you, I'm still trying to figure out a way myself. Sorry I can't be of any help with that =( Link to comment
aldridal Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm also learning how to trust after being burned in my last relationship. You just have to let go. Your insecurities, anxiety, horrible feelings - let them go. Part of trusting is taking a risk of getting hurt, so you have to decide whether or not that person is worth the risk. If you decide they are, then let go, force your worries to go away, and make a conscience effort to fully support the relationship. It's easier said than done, but you gotta do it if you want this to last. Link to comment
kattyroo Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 It's just so hard when I know that all those girls are around him evry evening from Monday to Friday. There is one girl in particular he told me that he is going a sponsored run with her and that they will haev to train for it. However, he asked me to do it with him too but this is not possible as I live far away. Just wondering should I let it go. He spends so much time with this girl in particular, and he mentions her a bit in conversation. She is totally single and is the same age as him........ keep thinking its a matter of time before he develops feelings for her Link to comment
kattyroo Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 has anyone been in a situation where their SO has lived with 2 or 3 (single) members of the opposite sex and did it bother you? Link to comment
princess5 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 i think it would bother most girls, but if he hasn't given you any reason to doubt him, i think you should stop questioning the relationship or it you will destroy it. Be strong Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Oh princess, I remember you. Don't you remember that whole thread you started where everyone over many pages said "RELAX AND ENJOY YOUR BOYFRIEND" I am going to go with this again in this case. RELAX AND ENJOY YOUR BOYFRIEND. Think about it like this. The guy who hurt you was wrong to do it. Hurting your boyfriend who did nothing wrong is JUST AS WRONG. Only this time, you're the one causing the hurting. EDIT: I'm a moron - I thought this was you, princess! lol -- OP: READ PRINCESS5's thread. It'll help a lot. Link to comment
princess5 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Hey hex, yeah i have so much to thank you for... thanks for all your advice, you've helped me realise that you have to learn to relax and trust. This post was very similar to mine and I'm glad that I can talk with this person. In fact, my boyfriend recently announced that he would be doing a mini marathon with the girl he lives with and it didnt bother me all that much.... why? because he asked me if i wanted to do it aswell. Just glad that he is open with me Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 If this was his living situation already when you got together, I think you should relax. Link to comment
servedcold Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 How long have you been dating? What are the circumstances that keep you 150 miles apart? If it's school, does he see you more during holidays? If you have been dating a long time, longer than 6-8 months for instance, there should be some planning going on which would allow you two to be together more. If it has been that length of time, and there are no plans forthcoming, IMO the relationship isn't really going anywhere. Offering this different spin on it because I myself wouldn't be happy seeing my GF only once a week after a certain amount of time. Early on, sure, after some time, not really enough to hold a relationship together. LDRs are really tough, best wishes going forward. Link to comment
kattyroo Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 work keeps us apart...... its not really the long distance that bothers me as such, its just the fact that he lives with so many single girls... so hard to trust... so hard Link to comment
danielle1973 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Just my opinion, but I think the distance contributes to your fears more than you think. I am basing this on my own experience with my own LDR that just ended. I never had so many trust issues with my non-LD relationships. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Hey hex, yeah i have so much to thank you for... thanks for all your advice, you've helped me realise that you have to learn to relax and trust. This post was very similar to mine and I'm glad that I can talk with this person. In fact, my boyfriend recently announced that he would be doing a mini marathon with the girl he lives with and it didnt bother me all that much.... why? because he asked me if i wanted to do it aswell. Just glad that he is open with me I am so glad to hear that. You're living proof now! Link to comment
kattyroo Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 but can anyone tell me when alarm bells should start ringing? like when would oe say that, ok, I think there might be something going on between him and another girl in the house? Link to comment
Mia_of_Doom Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 but can anyone tell me when alarm bells should start ringing? like when would oe say that, ok, I think there might be something going on between him and another girl in the house? He texts and calls her constantly when he's with you He starts not answering your calls. He seems on edge, distant, distracted, etc. when he's with you. The signs are pretty obvious when they're there. You don't need to go looking for signs. That lack of trust will only piss him off and ruin your relationship. Honestly, it sounds like you need to gather some confidence and self esteem. The issue is not that he lives with single girls, but your own insecurity. He INVITED you to train for the run with them! He is hiding nothing, inviting you to hang out with his friends, and (presumably) treating you well. Now its you're turn to be an appreciative, trusting girl and just let it go. If you can't do that on your own, get counseling. Link to comment
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