Broke up with me... she's still calling

[rlemon]

My girlfriend and i broke up 2 weeks ago after a 7 year relationship. It's more like she dumped me while i was on my knees crying and all that s***. I decided to stop calling her and she agreed. I went away from my town for Easter, figured it would do me good just to leave all this mess for a few days. Then, after 3 days, on Easter day, she calls me just to give the best wishes. Then she calls me again that same day. And the days after. We talk and talk every day, just like best friends, she tells me she was wrong to stop contact, we mean a lot to each other, she's my best friend blabla. Now i'm back in town she wants to meet me tonight. i can't tell you how my hopes went up this week when she initiated contact. i wasn't planning on calling her for at least 2 weeks. She's got some new male friend, not her boyfriend from what she tells me, she just gets along better with guys than girls.

Any advice from anybody? What's in her mind? Doesn't she realise that if she's not interested in starting over she's really hurting me?

[woobiegirl]

Sorry for the pain your feeling. Seven years is a long time to spend with someone, especially at the age you both started at. You really don't have much to compare it to...if neither of you have been with anyone else. I'm sure it's just as hard and scary for her, which is probably why she's keeping such strong contact with you. She may be curious as to what's "out there in the big jungle"...but at the same time, afraid she may lose you for good.

 

I would meet with her, listen, keep an open mind and see what happens. It sounds like she misses you, after all...you both have been a big part of each other's life for a very long time.

 

Good luck, hope it works out for you both!

Woobiegirl

[Hopingpraying]

Rlemon,

 

Woobie is giving you good advice there.. And I wuld add that if you want to keep her you probably let her do this little bit of experimentation. If you have treated her well over the years she will see this when she starts to date other guys. If you fight her on this I can tell you that you will loose. It is hard to let someone go that you care so much for, but use this time to make yourself a better person out of it all.

 

If she does decide to date other guys, which it sounds like she is going to do. I suggest you do the same. Not rushing out just to do it because she is, but see what else is out there so that when you two do get back together you will know she is the one, and why she is the one. Right now you both may be thinking, well she/he could be the one, but how do I know when I haven't dated anyone else???

 

This sort of thing happens all the time. It is what is killing me right now. I have dated others. My wife has not. But now we are divorcing so she can figure it out... It sucks man!!

[Jen23]

I would like to add that it may be best not to pour your heart out to her about how much you are missing her. I know that you might not be playing any games and she may not either but sometimes people want reassurance that they still "have you" If you know what i mean. If she tells you that she misses you then by all means tell her how you feel but i don't think you should initate it. I hope that helps and Good luck!

[rlemon]

I really can't describe what i'm feeling right now. So, this week, we talked on the phone twice a day, I even needed to use my brother's phone as i had forgotten my batery charger home, because she wanted to speak to me so much. Then, on Friday, when i got back, i met her. We talked just like old friends, i never let show all the pain i'm going through. She told me all the stuff, that i'm special, she'll always care for me... But then on Saturday she didn't even call me. Now it's Sunday morning and i didn't get much sleep. I'm a mess.

So what should i do to get over her? Why did she call me every day last week? Could it be she saw i was "ok" and relaxed, thinking there's no need to speak to me? Will no contact work? I'm afraid i might never hear from her again if i tell her to stop contact. I really enjoy being with her. But when i get home i feel lonelier than ever. Any advice guys? You've been really helpful and i must thank you for your posts.

[Jen23]

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. I don't really have any advice for you. Just hang in there and i hope things get better

 

I just wanted to add that speaking from the broken hearted side - you should think of yourself. If you guys aren't going to get back together then this is just making your recovery worse. I know i emailed my ex the other day and i was crushed when he didnt' even email back or anything. I felt kinda pathetic afterward b/c of course it was a "begging" type email. I decided that i would need to just move on for my own benifit!

[rlemon]

Jen23,

Thank you for your words. It's exactly what i'm thinking. I know i should be thinking about moving over and forget about getting back together. But it's damn hard to do it. Even my friends are away (it's my fault that during college i only made friends with guys from elsewhere). All the support i get is from my parents and this site. It really helps seeing other people go through the same experiences. I only hope the day will come when i can sleep at night and think of going out with other girls.

[Jen23]

rlemon,

Man we are really in the same boat. I am at a Base where i have no one. Every friend that i have is so far away. I have called my parents everyday since this happened. Mostly crying! I feel so bad for them. Anyways, i am going through the same thing with the sleeping and stuff. I started taking sleeping pills just so i could go to sleep. It's funny because i only come to the board when i am about to cry and i have been on it almost every hour tonight! It's been a tough night! Hopefully it will get better for both of us.

[drb99]

Okay, I'm going to be honest. I think that it is over, however, she may be keeping you there just in case she doesn't find someone else. I'm sorry to say that. My girlfriend of 3 year and I broke up 2 months ago. For 1 week we were apart, for the next 3 we became close as ever and affectionate again, and I thought thing were great. the next, she had another guy and has now pretty much but me out of her world.

 

Sometimes, a girl will use her ex liek a spare tire or a safety net. Take the safety net away and do you think the trapeze man will be more or less safe??? I tell you he will think less safe and will think twice about taking the risk. I made the huge mistake, but staying around until she absolutely knew things with the new guy were on. Do not make the mistake I did! I am kicking myself now.

 

It's horrible. But it's true.

 

Your best bet, don't be her puppet, don't let her be the puppet master. I make the mistake of letting my ex play me like a fool, and thinking I was the guy, until things with the new man were secure!

 

Do not take it from her. It sux! But you will get hurt if you stay, i guarrentee it!

[fontaine32]

I would do the same thing that she's doing. A habit is hard to break. Why not have a female friend. I wouldn't believe her on that one. She's certainly not going to tell you the truth about him. He might be a rebound and those never last. Don't answer the phone when she calls, be a challenge and just agree with her on her decisions...If you want her back that is...

[Michael2]

Fontaine and Drb are right on the money.

 

Do not answer her calls. Do not write her emails, most importantly move on, because it is pretty obvious she is. The longer you stay in contact with her, the longer you delay your healing. Take it from me I know. It has been almost 6 months and I am still recovering.

 

The ex is playing games with you. You provide emotional support, and she knows this. Take the upper edge away from here. She wants to dump you and play the "grass is greener" card, the I suggest you take this a huge warning sign and consider yourself lucky that she let you go before you two took it to the next level.

 

This is her thinking, and correct me if Im wrong. But she knows youw ill always be there for her, even while she sees other poeple. Stop allowing this. If you dont she will lose all respect for you, and most importantly, in the future you will wonder what the hell you were thinking.

 

Step up to the plate and chalk this one up to experience. Do not linger on the thoughts instead look to the future. I have been in your shoes, and so have many of us on this board. IF you want to heal LISTEN and follow our advice, we know best.

 

In regards to her boy toy. Think of this as a POSITIVE. If you treated her like gold, than this other guy has some tall shoes to fill. It is a rebound guaranteed. She is immature and dealing with the breakup her way, which in my opinion is wrong. She hasnt dealt with your breakupo yet. Instead she is using this guy as a bandaid. Once the honeymoon is over, and once she starts comparing him to you, then the crap will hit the fan, and that is when she will start coming back to you, finally realizing what she lost. I reached that point, I was like you. I wanted to get back with my ex no matter what. But after a few months passed and I was able to really analyze her actions, I decided it was best if we both moved on. THis crushed her. But hey, they decided to breakup with you, so they will have to deal with that. Trust me, she will call you again and ask to get back with you once this new relationship falls apart. It is inevitable. When this happens, that is when you decide whether or not to give her a second chance. Im not saying this will definitely happen, because it may not. But do you want to be her back up plan if it does?

[jm1842]

I'm kind of in the same boat and i was just wondering if anything new has developed in your situation.