22 years old-Never been kissed

[Amaranth22]

Heck, I've never even held hands with a guy. I've never even been on a date--not even in high school. I don't know what's wrong with me! I don't have any glaring physical defects. I don't think I'm ugly by any means. I guess I am kind of shy, or that's what everyone tells me. Whenever I like a guy it never turns into anything. Case in point. There's this guy at my church that I've had my eye on since the moment I met him. Now and then we would exchange short comments with each other. One day I found the courage within me to ask him to lunch, although I tripped all over my words. He told me he'd get back to me and never did so I never mentioned it again. Okay, so I've thought about him a lot and I've realized he's a hopeless case. Nowadays he talks to everyone else at church except me (every other girl...). He brings girls with him sometimes. What I want to know is how to find my dream guy if I'm soo shy. Am I doomed to a lonely existence? It's getting more difficult the older I get. I really want to be in a relationship. Any ideas? I'm on the verge of going crazy!!!

[Connor]

Obviously I don't know you, but it's a pretty safe bet that there's nothing wrong with you at all...except maybe being a little shy and unsure of yourself, which isn't all that bad - most of us are like it to some degree.

The guy in question may not be interested, but it seldom hurts to try and drop him a hint again, if you really like him. Otherwise...it's best to just move on.

I've never heard of anyone going through life without ever being in a relationship..except maybe monks, but that's by choice, not by design. Have faith that you'll find someone special to share your life with. Relationships can be very, very good when they happen...but in the meantime you should try and get on with your life. It can be hard being single, when all your friends aren't, but you have things they don't - such as freedom to do what you like and not consider a second person.

I'm 20...and only got into my first ever relationship (which I'm still in) last year. We met online, and everything fell into place offline. I admit I got really lucky, but if it can happen to me...it can happen to anyone! Try expanding your social circle. The more friends you have, the more clubs you join (like tennis or something), the more you get yourself out into the world where people can notice you...the better your chances of someone doing just that. You might also consider trying online dating agencies or posting boards...but be wary, some are a lot more credible than others.

Well, hope this helped a bit at least...all I can think of right now, though it is 4:36am so hey

[Jen]

I agree completely with Connor. I started my very first relationship when I was 19 myself. I am now 25 and I am still with the same person. We've been together for very close to 4 1/2 years.

I completely believe that there is somebody for everybody. I thought that before I met my boyfriend, I'd be single forever. I'm shy when it comes to talking to guys. I've had guy friends, but no boyfriends. I thought if I didn't say anything to a guy, the guys would never even take a second look at me. Then there he was...one of the sweetest, nicest guys you could ever meet. We met through a friend, but he did most of the talking. Somebody especially for me. You'll feel it when the right one comes along.

 

Jen

[bobsmith3141607306451]

Hmmm. Don't know exactly how I ended up here, but I started reading some of the posts and found myself hooked. Maybe I can offer a bit of advice to Amaranth22 who wrote: "What I want to know is how to find my dream guy if I'm soo shy." Well, it depends, do you envision the guy of your dreams being similar to the guy you asked out in church. If this is the case then I am afraid you will have to change your entire personality, because this particular guy fits into what I like to call the 'jerk class'. You see, he can get women whenever he wants to, if he meets a girl that doesn't give off the vibe--I will do anything you want--he thinks to himself, "Why am I going to waste my time with this chick." On the other end of the spectrum you have the 'nice guy', actually the 'nice guy' is really in the middle, the true extreme opposite of the 'jerk class' is the 'shy, yet outspoken, nice guy'. This is the guy that will talk to you in a completely plutonic way yet harbor feelings he would never dare to expose unless he was absolutely sure you felt the same way; he will most likely have no idea that you are shy, he merely assume you aren't interested, but I digress So Amaranth22, my advice this: If being shy hasn't worked for 22 years I doubt it will suddenly come into fashion, just give it up and take some chances. Or disregard everything I have said because your post pretty much describes my life too But if you do take my advice and it actually works out be sure to post something so I can begin to practice what I preach.

[Amaranth22]

Yeah, I guess it's my own fault that I'm not in a relationship. I was starting to wonder if maybe a witch had cursed me at birth! It's hard to get over this shyness, though. I've been this way practically my whole life. I've never been one to initiate conversations so I guess that's something I should work on. Of course I tried that with that guy at my church and it hasn't gotten me anywhere. Also, there was this guy in high school that I really liked but I didn't get anywhere with that either. Maybe there are a few factors at play here, (1) I'm way to shy which appears to be a turn off for most guys, (2) I guess I'm choosing the wrong guys, (3) I need to get out more and expand my social circle. Easier said than done...

[Paveth]

I'm a guy myself and I actually find shy girls more attractive then the talktive ones. Of course it does depend on how shy you are. I guess you should hang out around friends and when people look that way, they may notice you. You may feel alot less shy in groups. This may not be entirely correct but I hoped it help some. Good Luck

[00Lisa00]

Well i have to agree with bobsmith on this one to a certain degree. Yes it does seem that you need to over come this shyness thing, but it is easier said then done. Me for example, i was pretty quiet in high school, especially when i'm around a bunch of people that i don't know. But when i'm in a group with friends or at least aquaintances i have no fear about me it seems. I'll do just about anything when it comes to talking to people i don't know. After high school i really came out of my shell. I just got tired of always being the 'quiet girl' around new people. The way i did this was to think of one thing. What's the worst thing that can happen? Really what it the worst thing. So you talk to a guy and he has no interest in you...well what's he going to do? He's going to turn his back on you and you've lost nothing or he's going to be friendly toward you and you've gained a new friend....a new friend that has other guy friends looking for a girlfriend. So see, getting over your shyness isn't something that's impossible. Start small and get out there. Go to the grocery store and make a comment to the person standing in front of you in that mile long line. Make a joke, smile a the guy walking down the street. And if you get nervous or scared just think 'what's the worst thing that can happen.' Guys are people too. Everyone in the world is exactly the same as you...no better and no worse. We all go through the same thing and feel the same way. it's just that some are better at putting on the front that they're really confident and some aren't. And that's what guys, and girls for that matter, like. We're attracted to ppl that are confident and comfortable with themselves. So look in the mirror and see how beautiful you are and get out there and share that attitude with everyone else. I mean don't be cocky but confident that you can do anything you set your mind to. that's what makes ppl attractive. it's more than looks. A really outgoing somewhat shy girl with confidence will always win over a really beautiful girl with an ugly attitude.

 

hope this sheds some light for you

i know that you can do it....

from a former shy girl to another

good luck

lisa 8)

[KrazyKev]

I'm the same way you were Lisa. Quiet around strangers, talkative as can be once I get to know people. Its just how shyness goes. Whatever it is, it goes back to our childhoods. Regardless, shyness almost always wears away. When I was a Freshman in High School, I never looked a person in the eye, much less a person of the opposite sex. You just have to realize... it really doesn't matter what the people you'll never see again think. Ask that complete stranger out. If he/she thinks you're a weirdo, you'll never have to hear about it again. If he/she likes you, it could develop into a strong relationship. However, if you see the person everyday, it could lead to awkward times, especially when they say no. Whatever the case, loosen up. The long-term good outweighs the short-term bad.