Dean_Wincheste Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I met a girl a few months ago (18 yrs old) and we became friends. She was seeing someone else at the time (LDR), and I was fine with just being friends, I had no feelings for her at the time. So we see each other a lot for a few weeks/months... One day she tells me she broke up with her boyfriend. A while later I'm at her place and she goes in for the kiss. From that moment on we're officially together. That's when I start having feelings for her. We didn't see each other much for a few weeks, because we were both busy and travelling to different places. But then out of the blue she tells me I'm every girl's dream man, but she can't do this. I tried to be very cool about it (even though my heart was breaking) and said 'fine, if you have no feelings for me, I can't change that anyway, so let's just stay friends, like before'. She agreed. Except that ever since, it hasn't been like before. I find it hard to communicate with her, plus the fact that we've been on holidays the whole summer hasn't helped. The last time I saw her was July 14th. I'd like to point out also that she is a very confident but sensitive girl. She is extremely intelligent and mature for her age, but has personal problems. I don't know if she still does but she was seeing a therapist for a while, because she lost someone close in her family in pretty horrible circumstances. My question to you is: what do you think she wants from me? She is still showing me signs of interest, but won't ever have a meaningful conversation with me anymore. I have been trying to move on ever since she ended things between us and have felt really sad and depressed for months now. I know loads of you are going to think and say 'move on, don't contact her ever again' etc... but this is an unusual situation. Isn't it unusual for a 'dumper' to stay in touch with the 'dumpee' and send mixed signals like she is doing with me? I don't really want to confront her with this and talk about how I feel because I know she is super sensitive, and I would be putting a lot of pressure on her by doing that, and perhaps even push her away. Link to comment
Dean_Wincheste Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 She tried to phone me last Friday, and didn't leave a message. I called her back on Saturday and left a message on her answer phone. I told her she could call me back whenever she felt like it. I've heard nothing from her since. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 i think she used you as a rebound to cushion the fall from her breakup, which is why it didn't last, and she dumped you once the dust settled. But like all human beings, she's selfish - she doesn't want you but she doesn't want to let you go entirely, because you made a great cushion, and you have your uses - which is why she keeps you on a leash, and occasionally checks up on you, to make sure you're still around and interested. I think you're better off letting her go, and moving on to someone new - don't pretend to be 'just friends' when it's obvious that's no longer the case. Regardless, you need to flush her out of you life so you can stop the sadness and depression - that's not healthy. Link to comment
Dean_Wincheste Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Thanks orangesoda. I see where you're coming from. She was the one who broke up with the guy though, she had been thinking about it for a while, she told me on several occasions she wasn't happy with her relationship with him and that it wasn't going to last. I told her (we were still just friends at the time) that she should be honest with him and with herself and break up sooner rather than later. I think her therapist basically told her the samr thing, and so she followed my advice. When she told me she had broken up with him, I asked her how she was feeling and she said she was absolutely fine. She looked fine to me too. So my question to you, orangesoda, is: do you really think she needed a rebound? Aren't people who need rebounds usually the ones who suffer from a break-up, are depressed, and need to feel loved again? That didn't seem to be the case with her... Link to comment
orangesoda Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Who knows? Maybe, maybe not. She may look fine and be torn to pieces inside. But the bottom line is that she wanted to be with you, she wouldn't have dumped you. And if she wanted to get back together...you guys would be back together. But she doesn't. And you guys aren't. So you should be forgetting about a girl that didn't want you, and put your attention and energy towards meeting new girls. Link to comment
Dean_Wincheste Posted August 28, 2009 Author Share Posted August 28, 2009 She IMed me yesterday and I told her I was doing my driving theory exam today. She said she's phone me tonight to find out how it went. Except that she sent me a text instead just now. I don't want to answer her because she was supposed to call me, we haven't had a phone conversation in ages and we have lots of things to talk about. I want to show her that I'm not impressed with her only texting me when she said she would call. So I want to ignore her for a while to see if she will call me. How long do you guys think should I wait? I don't want to not answer her at all. Link to comment
Dean_Wincheste Posted August 28, 2009 Author Share Posted August 28, 2009 I know it's a bit of a stupid question, but I'm just so confused... Link to comment
Anyway Posted August 29, 2009 Share Posted August 29, 2009 ... My question to you is: what do you think she wants from me? She is still showing me signs of interest, but won't ever have a meaningful conversation with me anymore. I have been trying to move on ever since she ended things between us and have felt really sad and depressed for months now. I know loads of you are going to think and say 'move on, don't contact her ever again' etc... but this is an unusual situation. Isn't it unusual for a 'dumper' to stay in touch with the 'dumpee' and send mixed signals like she is doing with me? Actually, it's usual for a lot of dumpers to stay in contact. They don't want to lose the attention and want to rest assured that there's someone out there who cares for them. I don't really want to confront her with this and talk about how I feel because I know she is super sensitive, and I would be putting a lot of pressure on her by doing that, and perhaps even push her away. It bothers you a lot and you don't want to bring up this topic? What's your plan for this relationship? You're walking on eggshells and this isn't a good sign. She IMed me yesterday and I told her I was doing my driving theory exam today. She said she's phone me tonight to find out how it went. Except that she sent me a text instead just now. I don't want to answer her because she was supposed to call me, we haven't had a phone conversation in ages and we have lots of things to talk about. I want to show her that I'm not impressed with her only texting me when she said she would call. So I want to ignore her for a while to see if she will call me. How long do you guys think should I wait? I don't want to not answer her at all. Frankly, I'm going to tell what most would do here. Get away from her. No contact. That's way too much drama. There're 3 billion women out there, you don't need to deal with this. Link to comment
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