In your experience, what does LC achieve?

[Mellie]

Hi guys. If you aren't familiar with my story, ex left 3 months, used to live together, stopped working together 3 weeks ago. He said he was ending it because I was clingy/put him on a pedestal/we were always arguing/I didn't trust him/he didn't love me enough.

 

Just over a week ago I got an email from him: 'how are you' nothing much more. I responded 'fine, hope you're good too', asked him to forward on some post. He sent another at the weekend: 'I'd like to come and see the play you're in, if you'd like'. I said 'You're welcome to come, here's the link. Do me a favour though and don't tell me if you decide to come - I'm better off not knowing who's there!'.

 

Tonight I've had another 'thanks of the link - perfectly understandable on the not telling - all goes well - have a good week'.

 

Does anyone have any experience of this kind of LC? I'm not sure how to take it. I wanted him back more than anything, in my heart I still do, kind off... but my head is starting to put the brakes on. For starters, I'm not overly fond of small talk, and find these email exchanges a little frustrating. Most of all, I'm questioning his motivation. What do you think he wants? He joined an online dating agency soon after we split so I know he's been looking around. I have too recently. I've had a couple of dates but the chemistry isn't there. I have met one guy online I think I could potentially quite like. We haven't even met up, but we email each other quite a bit and seem to be on the same wavelength. I think I was starting to move on, in baby steps, and the cynic in me says maybe it isn't as great out there for my ex as he imagined, and he wants to keep me in the wings. But then part of me says he must still care for me a little and probably just wants to make sure I'm ok. Another says maybe, just maybe, since I've given him his space he's not so sure now about ending it anymore. I just don't know what to think.

 

It's probably not a good thing that I'm already looking to meet someone else when I'm not really over him. I am pretty insecure and I can see what I'm doing - I think I seek out relationships for validation. On the other hand though, those dates really took my mind off the whole situation with my ex. I felt like a whole person again (not to sound too cheesy!).

 

I'm stuck between this forum and the healing forum - I wish there was somewhere in between now. That's where I feel now - in limbo - in between. If anyone has any similar experiences and can tell me how it worked out for them, I'd appreciate it.

[SnowFox]

I would feel very confused by it as well and it would drive me nuts. I will be curious to hear what others think.

 

I have had some LC with my ex, but so far, the only things he has said are apologies for how he has acted and for hurting me. Still no real effort to reconcile, however.

[BriarRose]

Sounds like he definitely wants to see you again. Do you think you could ever reconcile? There was no other woman, right? Clinginess can be a problem. I have sabatoged relationships from that.

[coolchick64]

Not sure what LC achieves, but I think the decision should be based completely on how it makes you feel. If having LC with him makes you feel worse, or gets in the way of moving on with your life, don't do it. If it doesn't bother you and you like being in touch, go for it. There's no way to guess what his motivations or thoughts are about all this. Just focus on yourself and what's good for you.

[jahur]

sounds like you both have your toes in the water and testing it, gods sakes ask him out right/make it blatently obvious your keen. you both are holding back in this case, scared of the rejection thing. the dating agency is a flashpan reaction for both of you, bang your heads together and sort it!