NC worked for a few weeks, but what's the deal with her?

[JEastern]

Hey everyone, a follow up venting session to my first posting...

 

It's been about 2.5 weeks since we had our "talk". I went NC with her from that point on, even though I really wanted to hear from her. Things went alright for me, I stopped expecting any contact from her, but knew in the back of my mind that at some point I was going to run into her at some social event. The NC was easier for me then I expected, I guess it was partly due to being so pissed off at having been lied to and used. I directed my efforts at getting myself out there and started seeing a new girl.

 

Last week, I got a phone call from the ex. I didn't hear the ringer so I discovered the voicemail and listened to it. She wanted to see how I was doing, that it had been a few weeks, and wanted to say hello. For the following three hours I debated calling her back and what I was going to say. I ended up calling her back and we talked for about 20 minutes. Needless to say, it was awkward...she asked how I was doing, and what I was up to. After asking her the same, she brought up the fundraising event that I was going to be at the following weekend and how I would feel if she came. I responded to her that I was fine with it and that "we're both adults". She said that she was going to come with one our mutual friends I also invited. We finished up the conversation with some more small talk, and just before I was about to end the conversation, she said she had to go and reiterated that she wanted to see how I was, etc.

 

The event was yesterday, and I was a little nervous. I knew that I had to put my best foot forward and just be myself. The two of them walked in, I put my game face on, and we all sat at one of the tables watching the baseball game. While in the group setting, we all had great conversation. We all talked about doing some group things with our other mutual friends and I even suggested a few ideas. When the other girl got up to use the bathroom, my ex and I had really nothing to say to eachother. She asked me how I was...and I replied "I am, how are you?" and she replied the same. During the course of the evening, other friends of mine showed up and I split my time between the two groups. Eventually, the two girls left, I walked them to the door and once they left, my friend came up to me and said..."it's obvious which one is your ex...that hug looked about as awkward as it could get"

 

So, reflecting on it...I'm feeling alright, but I still don't know what to think of the whole thing. As you can tell from the other thread, she lied to me and I called her out on it. I think after some time we can be friends, but I told her in our "talk" 2.5 weeks ago that I don't know when I'll be ready for that. I can't trust her in a relationship setting, and barely even in a friend setting right now...I'd like to hope that she's conscious of how much she hurt me. The lines of communication are open, but I'm not initiating right now...back to NC/LC.

 

Any thoughts, comments?

[Xetra Dax]

I personally don't believe in NC ing, i think that you should replace your ex with a new significant other in your life, otherwhise you'll get a lightswitch relationship going on off on off, its better to solve all the problems that are between you first before giving it another try, otherwhise the ghosts of the past will come haunt you and create another break up again and again and again.

[JEastern]

I've been trying to make sense of the NC thing myself...it worked for a few weeks until she contacted me and I couldn't bring myself not to respond. Is it a fault of mine...I don't know. Reading all these threads on this website has really helped me take her off the pedestal I had her on and move on with my life.

 

I had a brief email exchange with her today; I sent an email last night to her and our friend who came to the event with her to say thanks for coming. I'd say about 45 minutes later she wrote back saying how she enjoyed it and was excited to have won something in the raffle. She mentioned if I wanted to meet up to exchange the prize. I had to think about it for a good part of the day, and as tempted as I was to take her up on the offer, I turned it down and suggested I give it to her later in the week at this large social event we'll both be attending.

 

Part of me thinks that if we met up, she'd open up to me and tell me what she was thinking...after this cooling down period we've been in so far. There's a lot of tension, and since we have many common friends and are part of similar social circles, it adds unnecessary drama which I could do without.